Deanna Doss Shrodes

Sightseeing for two days led to a craving to do nothing and everything at the same time, yesterday. Sleeping in. Staying in jammies. Reading. Watching movies. Cuddling. And all that's great about spending a quiet day together. When evening came, Larry said he wanted to try a spot that was featured on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives . It's a place called Sherman's with locations in Palm Springs and Palm Desert. Something hilarious happened soon after we arrived. The server overheard Larry and I having a conversation about the selections on the menu . We were just talking in the same manner that we always do, but she took something more from the conversation. Something we never said!  Larry overheard her tell her co-workers, "These people are food critics!" She thought we were there to scope it out and write a story about the place. We decided to say nothing and let them think what they wanted to. You know what they say about assuming. Staying quiet w...

"You learn something new every day!" I wish I would have coined that phrase but of course I didn't -- it's an old one. Each day I look for opportunities to learn and usually learn more than three things. Yesterday was no exception as Larry and I spent the day at Joshua Tree National Park, taking in the sights. I had no idea what I was in for. I mean, I knew it was a desert, but oh my lands, it's the mother of all deserts! It's a desert on steroids. The first thing anyone needs to do is get yourself a Big Gulp before you go, because it will take you a minimum of two hours to drive through it. Don't let the word PARK fool you. This thing is the size of the state of Rhode Island. No, I'm not kidding. And it will take you two hours only if you don't stop at any of the exhibits along the way, which of course, we did. Speaking of a big gulp, the first thing I learned is this: 1) If you want to know where you should eat or drink, just watch where ...

Twenty-nine years ago today. We were just babies. Seriously, Larry was a teen.  This is not a cliche. Not a pat answer. Not just something I feel I have to say just because I'm a Christian. Or a minister, or a pastor's wife myself. It's my life experience. And it's reality. So take it for what it's worth from a person who is celebrating 29 years of marriage, today. This is the number one thing that has helped me more than anything in my marriage. It's prayer. Specifically, joining with someone else in fervent - warfare prayer. It's important to pray with your spouse but I also believe it's important for a woman to have a Godly female friend who understands what is at stake, to stand in the gap with you and intercede.  Matthew 18:19 says:   "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. "  There is power in agreement. The...

Larry and Me ~ Vacation in Boston, two years ago   Memorial Day is a day when our family typically stays at home. It's a day to remember those who gave their lives for our freedom in America.  I do remember and honor. Just saying, on this day of remembering our heroes, Larry and I choose to stay home rather than fight the crowds, trying to find a spot for a towel or chair on an overly-crowded beach.  Most people would not guess it but other than the context of work, I'm an introverted, stay-at-home type person at heart. I don't even like to go away for vacation, but make it a priority to do so because it's important to my husband. Larry asked me last week what I wanted to do for Memorial Day. It was no shock to him when I said, "Stay home." "What do you want to do at home?" was his response. I'm surprised he asked because I give the same response every time for 28 years: "Relax."  "What does relaxing look like...

Last night was the 27th anniversary of our wedding and I had this thought as Larry and I were driving back to the hotel from dinner... How many married couples would be interested in re-enacting their wedding night? A lot of people do vow renewals, which is sort of along the lines of re-enacting the past. I know people go on"second honeymoons" but are they really honeymoons or just trips? Is it about intimacy or travel? There's a difference. Don't ask me why I had this crazy thought. I just have them, and then sometimes I put them out there on a blog post. Yeah, I know...brave or cray-cray. You decide. Reliving the Past It crossed my mind that there are probably a lot of people who would secretly give anything to re-enact their wedding night. It would be the greatest thing ever. Maybe because it's probably the last time anything really exciting happened in their marriage. Perhaps it's a precious memory of a happier time gone by -- when...

  I would rather wake up beside you at home, than awaken in the finest hotel anywhere in the world, without you. I would rather eat peanut butter and jelly with you than dine in the most critically acclaimed restaurant in town, without you. I would rather live penniless with you than wealthy without you. I would rather spend a day with you in the most boring or dangerous place in the world, than live out my day in the most beautiful or safe of surroundings. I would rather snuggle up with you on the couch and listen to the rain all day than go on an all-expenses paid luxurious vacation without you. I would rather be your wife, than anyone else's.  

I hate okay. Okay reeks of mediocrity. "Did you like that restaurant?" "It was okay." "How was the concert?" "It was okay." Yeah....not appealing. Who wants their husband to say, “My wife is.....okay?” I want Larry to say, “My wife is amazing. She is all that. She’s the best thing ever.” Not, “She’s okay.”  He may as well say, “My wife is hell." Over the years I've asked Larry what I could do to better meet his needs. Sometimes I've failed but I hope I've succeeded more. I don’t want my kids to say, “My mom’s okay.” I want them to say, “She’s the best mom ever. “ My amazzzzzinggggggg kids, Christmas Day 2012 About ten years ago, I asked all my kids  to give me a grade on being a mom. I believe evaluation is very important to improvement in every area of our life, including marriage and family. Two of my kids gave me an A. One kid gave me an F.  Yes, an "F". I fail...

"Expectations are the path to an unhappy marriage," declared a recent quote I came across. Is it right to have any expectations in marriage? If so, what are healthy ones that aren't stepping stones on the path to an unhappy marriage? Years ago I had a mild disagreement with a friend who said he didn't feel it was right for spouses to have expectations of one another. "We need to just accept one another like we are," he said.  "Expectations just lead to fights."  Hmmmmm.

So today marks 26 years of marriage for us. (Yayyyyy! Crazy cheer!) I've learned that for marriage to succeed I have to not only work hard -- I have to keep learning. As time goes I realize more things I need to give attention to. Believe it or not, keeping marriage hot isn't just all about lingerie. There's much more to it. Here are three that are on my mind lately:

  I've heard it said: “If you want to DO more for Jesus, stay single; if you want to BE more like Jesus, get married.”   What is mean t by this admonition to "be more like Jesus" regarding marriage ? He was single, after all. Simply put, you will have to become a lot more like Jesus (loving, forgiving, etc.) in order to stay married. Because it's hard. Really hard.  Even when you choose well.  Even when you start out the "right way." Even in the best case scenario. Anything worth while is hard work. Being like Jesus means cultivating the fruit of the spirit.   Last night Larry and I opened our hearts vulnerably to the couples here in  North Carolina, sharing some of the challenges we've had in our relationship.  Without a doubt, marriage has required me to become more like Jesus more so than anything else in my life . My husband often tells people he's responsible for making me a prayer warrior ! :...

In honor of Valentines Day today I'm re-posting three of my favorite marriage posts. Larry and I are flying to North Carolina this morning, as we'll be the speakers at a marriage conference there this weekend. I love North Carolina and can't wait!  Keep us in prayer. The thing I'm looking forward to most is seeing what God does in the marriages of those present at the conference. But I do have to say that a close second is having Larry Shrodes with me in a hotel room for four nights! Yipppeeee! We are so hot for each other, we set hotel rooms on fire . You think I'm kidding? Okay, for three of my favorite posts... Why You Should Have Sex As Much As Possible Living a Honeymoon All The Time 3 Ways to Succeed In a Marriage With Someone You Don't Agree With  

Actual conversation with my husband last night: Him: So, what do you want for Christmas? Me: I want 31 Days to Great Sex Him: Can we get that on Amazon? Me: Yes. Him: Is that it? Me: Yeah....but then you have to actually do it, with your wife... Him: Well, you've got a problem then. Me: Why? Him: Because you don't have a wife. Me: Ughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Seriously now...why do I want the book, 31 Days to Great Sex , for Christmas? First, it's written by one of my favorite bloggers , Sheila Wray Gregoire . She also wrote, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All The Fun!)  I know because Sheila wrote it, it's gonna be good. She's written this book specifically for married couples who are interested in taking love, friendship and fun to the next level. I'm all about that. Second, I want it because reading about marriage from Godly sources and constantly working on things is part of mine and Larry's ong...

This is Larry and I on our honeymoon in Hawaii, 25 years ago. Look how white I am, even after spending a week there. How did I go to Hawaii and stay this white? It may have had something to do with rarely being out of our hotel room. And look how tired my husband looks! Ha ha! I hope my husband is always a little tired in the right kind of way. Today I want to share with you how you can live a perpetual honeymoon.  Plan for it You'll never achieve what you don't pursue. If you want your marriage to stay hot, plan for it to. Do what it takes to get it there and keep it there. Some people believe this takes all the fun out of it. On the contrary, it lights the spark more.  Prioritize it Women often mention the many roadblocks to romance and sex in their marriage. There are the needs of their children, bills to pay, being tired from working so much, and lots more. The truth is, we often begin to think those things are more important and assign low priority to ...

The following are some tried and true strategies to get close and stay close as a married couple. 1) Have at least one meal a day together. Not rushed. Not in the car, or out of a bag. Sit down and look into one another's eyes and take your time eating and talking about the day to come, or the day you just had. 2) Touch. Not just sexual, but everyday, all-the-time touch. Hold hands. Snuggle if you're watching TV. Gently rub your mate's shoulders when you walk up and ask them how their day was. The photo above is one of my favorites. It's Larry and I this past summer, floating down Rainbow River. We like to hold hands even when we're tubing. :) 3) Talk daily about low points and high points. At the end of every day, ask them: what was the highlight of this day for you? What was the low point of this day for you? 4) Stay close to God.  The closer you get to God the closer you'll get to each other. Christian marriage is like a triangle with God at th...

 My husband and I were making a hospital visit last week on the other side of town. When we were finished we planned to stop for a quick lunch before we went on to two more appointments. He asked me a familiar question: "where do you want to stop?" Many times I crave something specific but on this day, nothing came to mind. I said, "Babe, I could eat anything today. Nothing particular comes to mind. I'll be happy with literally anywhere you pick, so just decide and I'll be fine with whatever." Larry was driving while I continued with some paperwork that was on my lap, glancing down the entire rest of the drive. A few minutes later we ended up in a parking space and the car stopped. I glanced up to see where we were: an Indian buffet.  I looked at Larry and smiled and said, "You love me...so much."  He just said, "yep." Before we even walked into the place I knew it didn't matter what they had on the buffet or on their ala cart...

Recently Larry and I were out on a date. We settled in at the Olive Garden and were enjoying our breadsticks and salad when my cell phone started buzzing incessantly. I should have turned it off beforehand, but I forgot. When looking at the number I noticed it was a client I previously coached. That wasn't strange. Sometimes former clients keep in touch. What was was odd was that they kept calling back every five minutes although they left a message the first time. I began to wonder if they were just butt dialing me but alas, the calls were intentional. A possible dream job opportunity came up and the client wanted me to assist him immediately in preparing for it. The issue was that I had set the time aside for my husband. I quickly sent an email referring him to another certified job coach who was open to help. Instead of respecting that, he continued to call...six more times. With each call he increased the amount he was willing to pay until finally it was topping $600 for ...