Deanna Doss Shrodes

Twenty-nine years ago today. We were just babies. Seriously, Larry was a teen.  This is not a cliche. Not a pat answer. Not just something I feel I have to say just because I'm a Christian. Or a minister, or a pastor's wife myself. It's my life experience. And it's reality. So take it for what it's worth from a person who is celebrating 29 years of marriage, today. This is the number one thing that has helped me more than anything in my marriage. It's prayer. Specifically, joining with someone else in fervent - warfare prayer. It's important to pray with your spouse but I also believe it's important for a woman to have a Godly female friend who understands what is at stake, to stand in the gap with you and intercede.  Matthew 18:19 says:   "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. "  There is power in agreement. The...

Larry and Me ~ Vacation in Boston, two years ago   Memorial Day is a day when our family typically stays at home. It's a day to remember those who gave their lives for our freedom in America.  I do remember and honor. Just saying, on this day of remembering our heroes, Larry and I choose to stay home rather than fight the crowds, trying to find a spot for a towel or chair on an overly-crowded beach.  Most people would not guess it but other than the context of work, I'm an introverted, stay-at-home type person at heart. I don't even like to go away for vacation, but make it a priority to do so because it's important to my husband. Larry asked me last week what I wanted to do for Memorial Day. It was no shock to him when I said, "Stay home." "What do you want to do at home?" was his response. I'm surprised he asked because I give the same response every time for 28 years: "Relax."  "What does relaxing look like...

Last night was the 27th anniversary of our wedding and I had this thought as Larry and I were driving back to the hotel from dinner... How many married couples would be interested in re-enacting their wedding night? A lot of people do vow renewals, which is sort of along the lines of re-enacting the past. I know people go on"second honeymoons" but are they really honeymoons or just trips? Is it about intimacy or travel? There's a difference. Don't ask me why I had this crazy thought. I just have them, and then sometimes I put them out there on a blog post. Yeah, I know...brave or cray-cray. You decide. Reliving the Past It crossed my mind that there are probably a lot of people who would secretly give anything to re-enact their wedding night. It would be the greatest thing ever. Maybe because it's probably the last time anything really exciting happened in their marriage. Perhaps it's a precious memory of a happier time gone by -- when...

  I would rather wake up beside you at home, than awaken in the finest hotel anywhere in the world, without you. I would rather eat peanut butter and jelly with you than dine in the most critically acclaimed restaurant in town, without you. I would rather live penniless with you than wealthy without you. I would rather spend a day with you in the most boring or dangerous place in the world, than live out my day in the most beautiful or safe of surroundings. I would rather snuggle up with you on the couch and listen to the rain all day than go on an all-expenses paid luxurious vacation without you. I would rather be your wife, than anyone else's.  

So today marks 26 years of marriage for us. (Yayyyyy! Crazy cheer!) I've learned that for marriage to succeed I have to not only work hard -- I have to keep learning. As time goes I realize more things I need to give attention to. Believe it or not, keeping marriage hot isn't just all about lingerie. There's much more to it. Here are three that are on my mind lately:

  I've heard it said: “If you want to DO more for Jesus, stay single; if you want to BE more like Jesus, get married.”   What is mean t by this admonition to "be more like Jesus" regarding marriage ? He was single, after all. Simply put, you will have to become a lot more like Jesus (loving, forgiving, etc.) in order to stay married. Because it's hard. Really hard.  Even when you choose well.  Even when you start out the "right way." Even in the best case scenario. Anything worth while is hard work. Being like Jesus means cultivating the fruit of the spirit.   Last night Larry and I opened our hearts vulnerably to the couples here in  North Carolina, sharing some of the challenges we've had in our relationship.  Without a doubt, marriage has required me to become more like Jesus more so than anything else in my life . My husband often tells people he's responsible for making me a prayer warrior ! :...

Actual conversation with my husband last night: Him: So, what do you want for Christmas? Me: I want 31 Days to Great Sex Him: Can we get that on Amazon? Me: Yes. Him: Is that it? Me: Yeah....but then you have to actually do it, with your wife... Him: Well, you've got a problem then. Me: Why? Him: Because you don't have a wife. Me: Ughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Seriously now...why do I want the book, 31 Days to Great Sex , for Christmas? First, it's written by one of my favorite bloggers , Sheila Wray Gregoire . She also wrote, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All The Fun!)  I know because Sheila wrote it, it's gonna be good. She's written this book specifically for married couples who are interested in taking love, friendship and fun to the next level. I'm all about that. Second, I want it because reading about marriage from Godly sources and constantly working on things is part of mine and Larry's ong...

Slowly easing into reality from the luxury of seven days of... Where my vantage point above me was... And the view ahead of me was... And this amazing person beside me was... The kids seem real happy to have us home, and a certain two bulldogs didn't quit leaping for about fifteen minutes after we walked in the door. It was a such a nice welcome home. Jordan had a particularly sweet surprise. While we were gone, he put lights up outside on the house - icicle lights to frame the house, as well as red and green lights on the palm trees. I called him for a few moments when we had phone service in the U.S. Virgin Islands and he said, "Mom, I've got a surprise for you when you come home. You're gonna love it!" He was right. Little touches of love and care make easing back into work a lot easier. I don't even want to look at my initiative list for this week. Can't I put my head in the sand along with where my toes were all week? LOL...

YOUR MARRIAGE! It's the topic for the entire week upcoming, on the blog.   Not married? Awesome. Because several of the posts will be about your possible FUTURE marriage! I aim to prepare you. Specifically, we'll be unpacking the topic of priorities that lead to a successful marriage. I'm going to ask some powerful questions and make some eyebrow raising statements! Get ready, get ready, get ready! Never have I been more passionate about this. It's one reason I'm so excited to be away with my husband this coming week. Today, Larry and I leave for the 25th anniversary cruise we've had planned for a year. When we planned this trip, we weren't aware that the church would be doing something special for us back in June, (on our actual anniversary week) and sending us away for a few days to Club Med , but I'm kinda glad that we didn't know. I didn't realize then how much I'd need to get away right now. What a God-send. The tim...

Let's dream together... What if we all managed to show our husband or wife in just one way, every day, how much we love them? It wouldn't always have to be something big or dramatic. Although on occasion, big and dramatic is good. On most days, it could be as simple as bringing them a cup of coffee in bed, or warming up the car before they get in it (or cooling it down if you live in Florida). Perhaps it would mean taking initiative to do a chore for them that they absolutely hate to do. Or maybe making time to join them in the shower before work? Just imagine...what if? What if we all did at least one thing each day? The awesome thing is, we don't have to stop at dreaming...this can be our reality.  Recently I blogged about how to get through to your spouse when nothing else is working. I shared about appealing to their five senses in communicating.  A reader mentioned the book The Five Love Languages in the comments of the post. I love the book and highly rec...

Larry and I noticed something a long time ago in our relationship. Rarely do we ever argue about issues that involve only the two of us. Most often, we're upset about someone else's issues that touch our lives in some way. The discussion of those problems has the potential to bring us to an impasse. Translation: a knock down drag out argument, minus violence. Larry calls everything we fight about aside  from things that exclusively concern the two of us, "rickle rackle." It's his own special label for it. Rickle rackle:  an argument that would be non-existent if it was required to only be about us with no other person or thing involved.   Reviewing everything we've ever argued about, we realized that's pretty much...everything. For us, this was an amazing revelation. When we finally realized that what we fought about had almost nothing to do with the two of us, we were able to see that we were allowing outside forces to pull us apart. So...

Where do you start when the whole house is messy? Mine has been out of sorts the past few weeks with being out of town for three conferences and lots of other stuff in between. I've been juggling the best I can but still have some catching up to do. Yesterday I needed to start somewhere and it was rather overwhelming but the choice was easy. I started on mine and Larry's room and bathroom first.  So often people prioritize the public areas that everyone sees first. (Entry way, living room, etc.) It makes sense. We all want the parts that everyone sees to look great. I have a bit of a different take on things though. I feel like there's nothing more important than the place where Larry and I spend time privately. It's that place that makes all the public things possible for us. Not just today but for the long haul. And make no mistake, we're in it for the long haul.  

What?! Are you reading my headline correctly? Yes. You are. I want my husband to leave. I want him to leave today. I want him to leave as soon as possible.  I want him to go away and not come back until Saturday night. Why, you might ask? Well... He's going on a men's retreat!!!  And I love when he does that. It's not that I don't love my husband in fact, it's because I love him so much that I want him to go on this men's retreat. He's going to come back home a better man, a better Christian, husband and father. He's going to come home strengthened and encouraged, and even more fired up. He's going to come home more appreciative of me. Why? Because hotel rooms are lonely without me even though he's with a bunch of guys. He's going to come home ready to eat a late dinner that I make. (He loves my cooking.) He's going to take a warm shower and then get in bed and snuggle up with my head on his chest while we watc...

"Celebrate in the way that only a husband and wife can..." These words were written in a card that we received on Sunday at our anniversary reception from long-time friends, Andy and Joy Morey. Written words get my attention. More than the spoken word, they jump out at me and marinate in my brain for hours or days. Sometimes longer. The words Joy wrote (I could tell it was her handwriting, not Andy's) stuck with me. "Celebrate in the way that only a husband and wife can..." That is a really super-charged statement because lots of people in other relationships believe their celebrations are really, really good. What takes place between husband and wife though, is not just good. God called it good, yes. And He also calls it a mystery. And mystery makes all the difference. It will forever transcend other alternatives. No matter how culture or law or anything else changes. Worldly vicissitude can't touch what is holy. What God has joined toget...

Okay, so Deanna and Larry are here to help you pump up the volume of FUN in your marriage today if you need some fresh ideas... 1) Go camping. Just pitch a tent in your backyard if you don't have time to actually go to a campsite. Sleep in the same sleeping bag. (Naked.) 2)  Stop at a photo booth in the mall and take some pictures together. (Clothed) 3)  Do something together recreationally that you've never done before. (Hint: no, not smoking pot. Remember, we said this was legal. Just good clean fun.) By recreationally we mean  something like zip lining or kayaking. Larry and I went zip lining in Cozumel this past year.   4) Are you a woman? You might want to try some Zestra. I did, and wrote about it here. 5) Do karaoke together. Sing a popular love song duet like "I Got You Babe," "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing, Baby" or "Endless Love." If one of you has absolutely no singing talent, this makes it a lot more fun. If y...

Today's the day! Twenty five years of marriage with my man. We've been together now more years than we lived without each other. I am so thankful for him. In honor of this occasion, I'm going to reach back into the archives and find ten of my favorite marriage-related posts. I've written a lot on the blog about marriage, because it's one of my passions.  For those of you who have been reading for a while but may have missed these little gems...here you go.    Are You Married to Your Opposite? The Funniest Question I Ever Got at a Marriage Seminar Two Words of Knowledge and One Husband Later Make Your Husband Happy This Weekend (and longer if you dare!) Who's That With Dad? Change Up the Playlist! You Thought I Was Kidding? (My review of Zestra) Why You Should Have Sex As Much as Possible My Husband Is Going To Be Married To Four or Five Women Before It's All Over How to Wake Up and Change Lives Each Day Before You Even Get out of Bed

I've heard it said that marriage is not so much about finding the right person but becoming the right person. I believe there's a lot of truth to that statement. When Larry and I met, we were just teenagers. We had a lot of growing up to do. We still do. Still growing up in our 40's? With two of our kids already grown? And a third almost grown? Yes. We are more committed than ever to learning and growing. It never stops. I've changed so much since we've been married, I recently blogged about how my husband will be "married to four or five women by the time it's over..." .  By this I'm not referring to sister wives. :) I've just gone though so many inner changes, not to mention I change my hair color every month. People at church lovingly tease that "if you've only seen one shade of Pastor Deanna's hair...you're probably a newcomer..." Ha! Larry has changed a lot too. I loved him as he was when I married ...