Deanna Doss Shrodes

What a child learns to believe by age thirteen, they will die believing. That's what research by the Barna Research Group shows, about the majority of people. Yesterday I preached a message at our church for Mother's Day about the need for spiritual parenting. If the majority of our kids are making a decision by the age of thirteen, we'd better be about the Father's business. It takes more than just any kind of village or any kind of people to raise children for God. Spiritual  parenting requires Godly moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and Christian adults in general. The need is great. Did you know that sixty-four percent of decisions are made for Christ before the age of eighteen and seventy-seven percent are made before the age of twenty-one?(Source: Barna Research Group) Those statistics should light a fire under us! We must spiritually parenting our own children, and care about reaching as many others as possible. To spiritually parent re...

If we're not careful, we can go from being our child's advocate to exerting undue interference that renders them unprepared for adult life. Yes...this REALLY happened... Years ago at our church , we had a pastoral staff member in their late twenties whose mother from out of state contacted my husband and me -- TWICE -- to tell us how she thought her son's work issues should be handled. Apparently she didn't agree with some of our decisions. We were absolutely dumbfounded.  Needless to say, the interference on the part of the staffer's mother only made things go from bad to worse. Opportunities for Growth... Giving children opportunity to gain experience in solving problems of all kinds begins not when they turn 18 or 21, but all throughout their growing up years. Living in the era of helicopter parenting , many children and teens miss opportunities to learn problem solving skills. During the course of my children's school years we have had relative...

I hate okay. Okay reeks of mediocrity. "Did you like that restaurant?" "It was okay." "How was the concert?" "It was okay." Yeah....not appealing. Who wants their husband to say, “My wife is.....okay?” I want Larry to say, “My wife is amazing. She is all that. She’s the best thing ever.” Not, “She’s okay.”  He may as well say, “My wife is hell." Over the years I've asked Larry what I could do to better meet his needs. Sometimes I've failed but I hope I've succeeded more. I don’t want my kids to say, “My mom’s okay.” I want them to say, “She’s the best mom ever. “ My amazzzzzinggggggg kids, Christmas Day 2012 About ten years ago, I asked all my kids  to give me a grade on being a mom. I believe evaluation is very important to improvement in every area of our life, including marriage and family. Two of my kids gave me an A. One kid gave me an F.  Yes, an "F". I fail...

  "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." ~Jackie Kennedy Today I take time to dwell on how great it is to be a Mom. I think about that all the time, actually...not just today. I've done a lot of things in life but nothing compares to being a mother. I have four kids...one in heaven waiting for me, three on earth. I know, two of them are not exactly "kids" anymore. The first is a 23 year old youth pastor. The second is a 22 year old senior risk representative at Capital One. The third is almost an adult. Yet they will always be my kids...my babies. I enjoy them so much. This photo above is them sitting by the Christmas tree throwing packing peanuts in the air after opening their gifts. As usual Jordan and Savanna threw them and Dustin sat there wondering why they were doing it. I am so proud of them. Yes, they are caring human beings who have accomplished wonderful thi...

I am often asked for Mom-advice, particularly the older my kids get. Of course, I've made a lot of mistakes, and readily admit that. I often share things I believe I've done right, too. Today I'm going to share something that I believe is important...

For seven months now I've been writing an advice column I was asked to write for Insigh t, a Tampa Bay newspaper. Then two months ago, another newpaper, Epoch , asked if they could cross post the advice column. From time to time I publish some of the questions and answers here on my blog. Here's one that published last month. It comes from a reader who is getting hassled by family for the way she's raising her kids. Dear Deanna:  I am often criticized by my family for how my husband and I are raising our kids who are   teenagers. The ironic thing is - some of their kids have gone off the deep end, so to speak, yet they criticize me for being strict. It’s very frustrating. ~ Dawn Dear Dawn: My best advice to you is to get yourself a blindfold and a good pair of ear plugs. You'll need it to block out what family members and friends who don't share your values will say. My husband and I often heard these things over the years: “Aren...

When I was a young mother a few people cautioned me about rocking my babies too much. They warned of the dangers of "spoiling" them. I don't believe for a minute that an infant can be spoiled. Infants don't have the capability to formulate a plan to emotionally manipulate anyone. They simply cry and express their needs in the only way they know how. I'm so glad I never listened to those who warned of "spoiling." How precious are the memories of hours spent rocking and soothing the precious children God gave me. This was key to our bonding as mother and child, and to their emotional health and well being. As children grow, some also believe that parental affection should wane. I've heard some parents say, "My kids know I love them, but I'm just not an outwardly expressive or affectionate person." I believe that's dangerous and strongly disagree with that philosophy. Appropriate affection doesn't have to stop and in fact, it...

There is nothing more important than faith and family. Nothing. Yesterday I felt led to speak into a young couple's life, who are dating. They really seemed to appreciate it and drank in my words like they were a  Slurpee! I find most youth are like this. They long for someone to courageously say the things that need to be said. Mothers and fathers in the faith...this is our time to step up, not shrink back! Married couples need support. Who can successfully stay married without a support network? Not many people. It not only takes a village to raise a kid, but in my humble opinion it takes a village to stay married. :)  Who will courageously say the things that need to be said about marriage? Count me in. Parents need support. Never has it been harder to be a parent than it is in today's world, especially if you are endeavoring to raise Godly children. We are living in a time of acceleration when it comes to  secular values. But does that mean we Christian paren...

Last night was the Celebration Church Thanksgiving dinner. It's one of the highlights of the year. After we share d a fabulous meal together, our worship team rocked the place and then people had opportunity to share what they are grateful for. Our son Jordan was one of the first people to come to the microphone and speak. Before sharing about his new job he pointed to Larry and me and said: "I'd like to thank God for these two people, for the privilege of growing up in their home, and having them as parents." Shortly after, our son Dustin (who is now the youth pastor at our church) got up and the first words out of his mouth were, "I'd just like to thank God for my family..." Wow. So, of course no matter how many times I hear stuff like this it just makes my buttons bust. (Well, that and all the weight I've gained...) After the boys spoke, I began thinking: what makes a family great to be part of? What makes a house a home you can't...

It's been a while since I've written anything about my kids. Okay, so it's actually only been since October 29th. A lot of people comment about how amazing my kids are. No argument there. They rock. Mostly not because of me. I've actually made a ton of mistakes. Nevertheless, people ask me, "how do you raise kids that grow up to be Christians? How do you guide them into developing Godly morals that they actually keep into adulthood?" I don't claim to be an expert and beside the point, I've only raised three kids. Well, I've actually raised two to adulthood and one to teenage years to be perfectly technical. But these are five things that have helped us thus far: 1) Don't just talk about Jesus. Live Jesus. It's more caught than taught. 2) Love the heck out of them. Love covers a multiude of sins . I'm a terrible sinner at times , but I sure do love my kids.  3) Go to church with them, don't just drop them off. And once y...

He's 23 today. Twenty-freakin'-three. [sigh] Time stand still? Please stand still. Changes are hard. Even good ones. And they just keep coming. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing. Lord knows I've tried. And like most other things in life, it's out of my control. (And that's probably a good thing, most times.) At least he's turned out perfectly wonderful. The best a parent could ask for. I'm talking about one, Dustin Michael Shrodes, if you didn't know by now. He's our youth pastor now, by the way. Just in case you crawled out from under a rock and didn't know. Or you are reading my blog for the first time and have no idea who the main characters in this real life scenario are. Please meet my absolutely perfect first born son: You can read some day-to-day happenings of his early years in a hand written blog I kept and shared here a while ago. You'll love it, I promise, if you have any sentimental...

1) Believe in them.  Every kid wants more than anything for their parent to believe in them. Believe in them every single day.  Let them know you do, often. Over and over again. Until they are sick of hearing it! (They might act like they are tired of you telling them. Don't believe it. Keep telling them. If you're going to change their lives every day you  have to tell them good things every day.) 2) Be excited every time you see them.  Do your eyes light up when they walk in the room? These are your kids. Your amazing offspring. Let them see the excitement every time they show up. I realize some of you have little kids and they are running in the room a few hundred times a day. You might wish they would run out. I know you are frustrated, but please realize, your kids are the most amazing thing you will ever create. So get excited!!  Today as I was doing a hospital visit for one of our church members, my 22 year old son Dustin walked in the room. Immed...

  I was looking forward to bringing the teaching, "Fifty Shades of No Way," at the Pen-Florida Women's Breakaway, yesterday. (If you missed it, you can read the manuscript of my message here . ) But even more than that, I was excited to have the opportunity to spend the weekend with our Celebration Church women. I got to be with them for three whole days at this conference! Enjoying God's presence together! What tops that?  Anyone who has served as a pastor or pastor's wife can tell you, there are some challenging days. But then there are times like this that you really look forward to. You worship together, you invest, you impart, you spend extended time together in conversation, you make memories, and you laugh and laugh, and laugh some more. And most of all, God changes lives around the altar. What's not to like? As much as I've loved spending time with the women this weekend, I'm glad to be returning home today. I love home! I've miss...

Well, this month marked the second month of my relationship advice column that I was asked to write for the Tampa newspaper, Insight Tampa . The following are the two questions that came in that I tackled this month. I've decided to share my answers here on the blog, at least once in a while, for those of my readers who do not live in the Tampa Bay area, and therefore don't have the ability to receive this paper. You all said I did great with the difficult topics that came up last month -- friends-with-benefits, and a 14-year old pressuring her mom to let her go to parties. Let's see how I fared this month addressing issues about strong willed kids and an emotional abuse situation. Here we go... Dear Deanna: Our five year old son is very strong willed and I would characterize him as rebellious a lot of the time. My husband and I are really frustrated and many times this affects our relationship as well.   I’m at a loss as to where to turn. We can’t even go to ...

If you would have ever told me that I'd one day be serving as a relationship advice columnist in a city newspaper I'd have said that you were  crazy! But here I am, writing for Insight . To be honest, some of the covers or contents are a bit saucy.  I'm kinda like a fish out of water, writing for this paper. But what an open door for me to be a light! I'm so grateful.  Dustin read my column from last month but he said, "Mom, please keep it with you...don't leave that paper laying around in my room..."   (This month's cover is a little more risque than the one you see at left.) Wow!  That says two things to me: first of all, we've raised a young man of character and godly morals. Second, writing for this paper is an amazing opportunity for me to make relationships with a whole new group of people, have opportunity to speak into their lives, and hopefully make a difference. I thought I would re-print last month's column here and let my blog...

I spent a lot of time in the pool this past week at Club Med.  Most of the people who were standing around me talking and sipping drinks have lifestyles very different from mine. I listened to them share details about their companies -- the ones they own. Others talked about the homes. Or airplanes. Some of them are downsizing...into homes that are several times the size of mine. Quite a number of them have memberships at Club Med -- one lady enjoying her 17th visit. Many spoke of their hired help at home. There was talk of nannies and housekeepers and all other sorts of things. Lots of mention of Fifty Shades of Grey. (That's another post for another day!) Some things I couldn't understand at all - they were spoken in French or Italian.  There's one thing I noticed. So many of them weren't happy. On Wednesday I stood quietly and listened to three couples talk about how painful it is that their grown children have nothing to do with them. A grandmother...

I love my kids and  I love other people's kids. I believe children are a heritage of the Lord - a blessing to be highly valued. Although our children are precious treasures, there are times that everyone needs to be away from kids -- their own, or other people's. This week was one of those times for Larry and me. One of the reasons our marriage has lasted for 25 years is, we prioritize time for the two of us, without our children. We need this for the health of our relationship. My favorite part of this week were the "adults only areas" of Club Med. They were really strict about it -- no exceptions. The church could learn a lot from this!  When you go away with your husband or wife, private time in your hotel room is a given. But what about the other times? Sometimes you want public-private time with your spouse, as much of an oxymoron as that seems.  And sometimes it's about being in a setting where when you engage in conversation or activities, it's f...