Skip to main content

3 Things I've Learned About Keeping Marriage HOT!
(You Might Be Surprised!)


So today marks 26 years of marriage for us. (Yayyyyy! Crazy cheer!)

I've learned that for marriage to succeed I have to not only work hard -- I have to keep learning. As time goes I realize more things I need to give attention to. Believe it or not, keeping marriage hot isn't just all about lingerie. There's much more to it.

Here are three that are on my mind lately:

Use Manners

I'm talking about "please," and "thank you," and anything I'd definitely say to a business associate but have often forgotten to say to my husband. Sometimes we've let these things slide the more the years went on, because we've gotten used to each other and in a comfortable rhythm.  I've learned that getting that comfortable can really be detrimental to keeping a relationship hot. 

Show Appreciation

I learn a lot by watching others. Something I noticed a while back is that some spouses bark orders at each other like they are some kind of indentured servant. Then, when they grant their request they often don't bother to thank them. Recently I noticed a man gruffly say to his wife, "Serena*, get me a cup of coffee...," and she scampered off to get it and brought it back and he didn't even thank her. A few days later I overheard a woman yell to her husband, "Frank*, go pull the car around!" He dutifully ran off to get the car and she didn't even say please or thank you once he came around with the car.  These kind of marriages often seem old and stale. Not how I want to be. So I'm trying to ask very nicely and really appreciate when Larry does something for me.

Really Listen

As the years of marriage go on it can be easy to get so used to hearing my husband talk, I don't even hear what he says anymore. Being a good listener is one of the key ingredients to maintaining a healthy (and hot!) relationship. I've learned that active listening involves being fully present and hearing what he is telling me without thinking up what I'm going to say next. Admittedly, this is realllllllllllllly hard. I love thinking about what I'm going to say next!  


*Names changed

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What To Do First to Make a Profit

Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said:

It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way.
Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're  not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director.  Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year.  God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory!

I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started investing and training and all of that, seeking God for his blessing and…

I'm Just Being Transparent...

This year at the Stronger Conference, a young minister stopped me as I was walking out of the room at the conclusion of a workshop and she said, "I want to tell you something..." (I was all ears.) She said, "Do you notice how many of the speakers this weekend are saying, "Now, I'm just being transparent when I tell you..." or "I'm just keepin' it real..." I nodded yes. In fact, I mentioned that I was one of those speakers. I think I probably said a few times in both my keynote message and my workshop that I was just "keepin' it real."

After I affirmed that yes, I had noticed that -- she said, "Do you know why they have to do that? They do it...and you do it, because so many people don't keep it real. So many in leadership aren't transparent, Deanna. That's why all these people speaking here feel an urge to declare their transparency.." I let her know that usually when I say, "I'm just keeping …

Why You Should Never Hijack a Comment Thread
Social media etiquette 101

One surefire way to kill your influence in social media and wear out your welcome fast is to become involved in derailing somebody’s comment thread with your own agenda. Networking and hijacking aren’t the same thing. It’s surprising how many people don’t understand that this is a guarantee for tearing down a platform as quickly as you build it.


Passion is good, even necessary. I appreciate people's zeal for their personal core values. What is not appreciated is the attempt at a redirection of a comment thread when the comment has little or nothing to do with an original post or is twisted at best.

Social media provides ample opportunity for all of us to share what’s important to us on our own platform. Eliciting others’ responses and developing connections largely depends on our ability to communicate and compel. Some people are open to receiving private communication from others although they aren’t always able to answer personally or at length. But hijacking a comment thread no…