9 Things to NOT Say to a Hurting Person

Years ago when Larry and I lost our first baby to a miscarriage, I had some of the worst experiences with attempts to comfort gone awry. People said things that compounded the pain, rather than helping. A lady in the church walked up behind me at the altar, put an arm around me to pray and before she did said, “Honey, just count your blessings. The baby was probably retarded…” (No, I am not kidding! She really said that.) 

Another lady in the church said, “Well, look on the bright side…you’ll have more kids eventually.” 

What Are Appropriate Expectations for Marriage?

"Expectations are the path to an unhappy marriage," declared a recent quote I came across.

Is it right to have any expectations in marriage? If so, what are healthy ones that aren't stepping stones on the path to an unhappy marriage?

Years ago I had a mild disagreement with a friend who said he didn't feel it was right for spouses to have expectations of one another. "We need to just accept one another like we are," he said.  "Expectations just lead to fights."  Hmmmmm.

Got Skills?

Recently the coaches at our company were asked to compile a list of our special skills and give to our boss. My boss already realizes I am able to give people career direction, write resumes, help with marketing and interviews, etc. but I had the assignment of adding some other items aside from the typical career coach things. I sent this list:

•     Compassion-ista!
•     Lover of people
•     Able to talk people down off the cliff
•     Diffuser of angry persons
•     Able to work with people who don’t own computer or know how to even turn one on.
•     Feel what is underneath that the job seeker isn’t saying and get them to speak it and be glad they did
•     Grief Counseling (I’m not a licensed counselor so I prefer to say Grief Wisdom, ha!)
•     Listener and Hearer
•     Engager
•     Cyber hugger
•     Love to help hurting people.
•     Wounded healer.
•     Hope giver.

Well, my boss, L-O-V-E-D the list.

 

I got this back in return:

Deanna,

This is perfect. Your skills are in higher demand than you know! For example, many coaches are not comfortable with moving job seekers through grief. Also, your personal touch and ability to connect with job seekers is incredible! You should feel very proud of the skills you bring to the team!

Terri

I share this today here on my blog simply to bring up the truth that skills are varied, deeper and beyond what most people think they are.

 

I've worked with job seekers who are convinced they have two or three solid skills and by the time we're done their resume we've listed over 30 skills.

Think about the unique assets you bring to the table in your family, job, church, circle of friends. I am certain, you have more to offer than you may have first believed.

Why not make a list, today?

Who's the Most Godly?

The other day I was going through a mental list of  everyone I know, in an effort to consider who has the most Godly character traits.

I know a lot of folks who reallllly love God.

But I was thinking, who is most consistent?

Who displays the fruits of the spirit, in most every circumstance?

Who is always loving? Kind? Peaceful? Joyful? Long suffering? Good?

I kept coming back to one...

To see who displays Godliness most in my world, keep scrolling...







Keep going...






Just a little further...







Have you already guessed who?





It is none other than...

Is it any wonder why normal human beings love animals so much? They display so much of God's character. To read a post I wrote about my "fruit of the spirit" friend, go here.

I love you Max.

Thank you for loving me. For loving everyone.

Should You Really Be Sharing That?

Fearful people often tell fearless people why they shouldn't do the things fearless people are doing.


"You really shouldn't be this open..."

Why?

"Well, I don't know. I just wouldn't."

If they are a Christian, they might pull the God-card on you.

"Do you feel the Lord wants you to share that?"

The Lord isn't making rounds telling people to suppress themselves, but His people are everywhere cautioning about what may not be prudent.

I have a friend who had several abortions. She has been healed and is sharing her story and helping many people. But everyone in her family isn't happy. "Can't you share about God's love without telling people that particular piece of information? Why do you have to tell people about your abortions? That's kind of personal...is it really wise to be posting about that all over the internet or Facebook? Now people everywhere know there is abortion in our family..." (This mainly comes from her parents and older members of the family who are living in what I call the "Generation of Secrets.")   

People who live in bondage are uncomfortable with those who live in freedom.
Some are are jealous of those who are free.

Don't let anyone talk you out of being free.


 

Living Free

"The moment you can visualize being free from the things that hold you back, you have indeed begun to set yourself free."---Unknown

Everyone's talking about freedom, today! There are many different areas of our lives and our world where freedom is needed.  I am passionate about living free, as far as it depends on me. I find this is often a process with different facets of life. At times it is a journey rather than instantaneous, to move into a new realm of freedom.

Today I have joined forces with my dear friend, Laura Dennis, to write a 2-part post -- the first half of which is on her blog today. We're sharing on the subject:  "Freedom in Standing Your Ground: Sometimes Adoption and Reunion Ain’t Pretty!"

The second half will be at my Adoptee Restoration blog tomorrow. Hop on over to Laura's today and check out our post there.

Dealing With a Big Change!

This week we've been on vacation near my hometown and also the place where we pastored for ten years.  Each time we return, we have the privilege of enjoying a gathering with those we formerly pastored for ten years, at the church here. Tonight there's a special event -- a dessert and coffee fellowship, to share and catch up. We are always so excited to reconnect. It's been eleven years since we moved to pastor in Tampa, and yet these folks remain precious in our hearts, never forgotten.

We had some amazing years together - memories none of us will never forget. We reminisce a lot at the gatherings when we return, and I'm sure there will be a lot of that going on tonight. Speaking of that, I just noticed that yesterday, Enrichment Journal published this article I wrote for their summer edition: Leading People Through Change Without Losing Them. The situation I reference in the article happened when we were pastoring the Maryland church.   I share about how we can navigate big changes, successfully. Join me over at Enrichment today to read about it, and then I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comment thread here about change and how it affects you and others.

What have you learned about mastering changes, and leading others through them?