Deanna Doss Shrodes

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Showing posts with the label Encouragement

10 Things To Say to Encourage a Friend

With my friend Joanne Greer ~ 1985 You are not alone My heart is with you. I understand. This makes me sad on your behalf. Would you like to talk about it? What can I do to help? Call me anytime, day or night. (Make sure you answer!) I’m praying. How can I specifically pray for you? Just want you to know you are totally awesome because ______________. Joanne and Me ~ 2014

When You Deal With Stuff That Doesn't Make Sense

This happens to me all the time! In addition to going through it myself, I have a front row seat when unexpected things go wrong in other people's lives, being that I'm a pastor. When senseless things happen, I witness people's frustration up close and personal and I grieve with them. Many times people want to know, "Why?" I saw this coffee cup recently in my travels to thrift stores. (Second hand stores are my favorite places to shop.) I have more than enough coffee cups at home and the office but I knew I had to have this one for my collection. It's my new favorite! There are problems that will never be understood in the natural. When ungodly actions are involved, it's doubtful it will ever be explained. This is because sin never makes sense. And there we go, always trying to figure it out! Although I don't know have an explanation for why things happen the way they do, I do know God. And in those times, it's all that matter...

When You Want Speaking Invitations

Are you totally itching to get speaking invitations? Here's something you might want to think about. Time Out I took the summer off from traveling to speak outside the church. Even before my natural mother got diagnosed with cancer or passed away, I did this because I needed a time out. It wasn't a hard decision to say no to invitations, because home is my favorite place to be. I had no aspirations to go anywhere in 2014, except for my preaching trip to Africa which is already scheduled. I'd be perfectly fine should Jesus just decide to keep me here. It would be nice to not have to flat iron my hair yet again. But this past week people have started to reach out to me about scheduling for the months ahead. So I'm open, and praying and saying, "Whatever you want, Lord."

Available Now: HOPE.
Wide Selection.

Recently I was shopping at Sephora with my dear friends, Amanda Woolston and Julie Stromberg, and came upon this... Hope in a jar! As if! I thought to myself, "I so wish it worked that way. I would love to just grab a jar of hope off of the shelf at the store, when I need it." And then the Lord spoke to me right there and said, "You do." You get hope just like that, in many forms! Hope is packaged up for us in different ways. We get it in the Word of God, in the presence of God, in emails, Facebook posts, Tweets, blog posts, phone conversations, over cups of coffee. He sends hope in the way we need, when we need it. Hope is there for the taking.

Because He Lives, I Can...

Last night I played the piano, for the first time in six weeks! Anyone who knows me realizes how odd that is, particularly being that playing the keyboard and leading worship is part of my ministry, and yes...when you get down to it, my job. I hadn't given much thought to playing, other than being relieved I didn't have to for a while. I attended another church during my time away, taking in what I needed to nourish my wounded soul. After dinner last night I sat down on the piano bench at my house and just let my fingers do the walking. They instinctively went to: "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know, He holds the future. And life is worth the living, just because He lives." Tomorrow is my first day back to our church, in six weeks. Ready or not, here I come...

When You've Got to Go THROUGH to Get What's Coming to You...

"See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10 Walking well worn path I've trod daily for almost a month, I've learned many things. Some of them I haven't wanted to learn and would have had a holy-freak-out okay maybe an unholy one if you would have told me prior that I'd be learning them. Years ago when going through a challenge that preceded major learning and growth in my life, someone asked me, "Could you have learned this any other way, Deanna? Would it have been possible by reading a textbook, or listening to someone else's experience?" No, it wouldn't.

Okay is Bleeechhh.

I hate okay. Okay reeks of mediocrity. "Did you like that restaurant?" "It was okay." "How was the concert?" "It was okay." Yeah....not appealing. Who wants their husband to say, “My wife is.....okay?” I want Larry to say, “My wife is amazing. She is all that. She’s the best thing ever.” Not, “She’s okay.” He may as well say, “My wife is hell." Over the years I've asked Larry what I could do to better meet his needs. Sometimes I've failed but I hope I've succeeded more. I don’t want my kids to say, “My mom’s okay.” I want them to say, “She’s the best mom ever. “ My amazzzzzinggggggg kids, Christmas Day 2012 About ten years ago, I asked all my kids to give me a grade on being a mom. I believe evaluation is very important to improvement in every area of our life, including marriage and family. Two of my kids gave me an A. One kid gave me an F. Yes, an "F". I fail...

How Do I Do It? (This is How...)

Jesus Calling , Sarah Young This was my reading on Tuesday in Jesus Calling . It fit perfectly to strengthen me for the days ahead. During various points in my life people have asked how I've made it through, victoriously. There is nothing like the way God's presence speaks to us, leads us, and gives us grace for the journey. I encourage you, call on Him. He will speak and give you strength that quite frankly, doesn't make sense.

9 Things to NOT Say to a Hurting Person

Years ago when Larry and I lost our first baby to a miscarriage, I had some of the worst experiences with attempts to comfort gone awry. People said things that compounded the pain, rather than helping. A lady in the church walked up behind me at the altar, put an arm around me to pray and before she did said, “Honey, just count your blessings. The baby was probably retarded…” (No, I am not kidding! She really said that.) Another lady in the church said, “Well, look on the bright side…you’ll have more kids eventually.”

Got Skills?

Recently the coaches at our company were asked to compile a list of our special skills and give to our boss. My boss already realizes I am able to give people career direction, write resumes, help with marketing and interviews, etc. but I had the assignment of adding some other items aside from the typical career coach things. I sent this list: Compassion-ista! Lover of people Able to talk people down off the cliff Diffuser of angry persons Able to work with people who don’t own computer or know how to even turn one on. Feel what is underneath that the job seeker isn’t saying and get them to speak it and be glad they did Grief Counseling (I’m not a licensed counselor so I prefer to say Grief Wisdom, ha!) Listener and Hearer Engager Cyber hugger Love to help hurt...

You Think You Know...But You Don't!
(Why "Should" Needs a Funeral, and Quickly!)

One of my friends takes care of her young adult son 24/7, who is paralyzed from a car accident. Another friend has struggled with infertility for fifteen years. Yet another friend is beaten so bad by her husband at least once a month that sometimes she has to wait two weeks before going back to church so that all the bruises will disappear and no one will suspect. "Why doesn't she just leave?" you say.

The Teacher Who Told Me to STOP Writing

"I'm sick of this Jeannie business, and if I hear of it one more time, you're in big trouble!!!" This tongue lashing came Mrs. Mulkey, my second-grade-teacher-from-hell. Now, let it be known, I love teachers. Teachers are my heroes. Throughout all of my schooling, I only had two bad ones. That's a 98% success rate for all my teachers throughout all time, so that's pretty darn amazing. I've blogged about a lot of the 98, singing their praises, and today I'm going to share about one of the two from hell. Because now I'm an adult with a voice and I can.

The Importance of Finding Friends Who Can Handle Your Story

Everyone has a story. Our stories should never be dismissed, but unfortunately everyone we share our story with can't "carry" it. Not everyone can handle hearing someone's story, much less helping them do something in response. Sometimes it's because they can't wrap their brain around it, and other times, they simply don't want to try to understand. All of our stories deserve to be heard, validated and a caring response given to respond in whatever way appropriate to bring hope and healing. Sometimes we share our story with those who dismiss, or possibly even try to refute. That hurts much worse and results in giving us yet more to the story that we must carry and hope we'll find someone to help us bear the load. One thing I want to encourage anyone reading this to do, is...keep going. If you shared your story and someone dismissed it, questioned it, or attempted to invalidate it, DON'T GIVE UP. Keep going until you find someone who WILL li...

How to Comfort Others (Part 3)

If you missed parts one and two of this series, check 'em out here and here . Today we're talking about what TO do in comforting someone, as opposed to what not to do. DO… Let it be all about them. Give them an opportunity to fully express themselves without interjecting your own story unless they invite it. Every person experiences loss differently. No loss is unimportant, but they are different for each person. Affirm What’s Important to Them Let them share thoughts, memories, conversations, photos, etc. Use Appropriate touch A hug, an arm around or a pat on the hand. If they are uncomfortable with that, maybe just sitting nearby. Respect their boundaries Sense what they need, read between the lines. Do they need you close by? Do they need space? Do they need a compassionate ear? Do they need someone to just be near without talking? Note: grieving losses is exhausting work and takes a tremendous amount of...

How to Comfort Others (Part 2)

Did you miss part one of this blog series? Check it out here. Today we're talking about things NOT to do if you want to comfort someone who is hurting. DON'T... Let the fear of saying the wrong thing lead to you saying nothing. Push past your own anxiety, and reach out. Learn what to say. Share clichés or pat answers like, “it all works out for the best” or “just turn it over to the Lord…” Mimimize the loss, compare the loss, or share why YOU feel they were or are blessed by the loss. For instance, when my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage, it was a horribly painful time. It was then that I learned just how much people lack wisdom on how to comfort people. As I was standing at the altar crying after the miscarriage, an older woman approached me and put an arm around me and said, "Pastor Deanna, I feel the Lord wants me to tell you it was for the best that you had the miscarriage. With the unhealthy direction you...