Deanna Doss Shrodes

Recently I taught a workshop for pastor’s wives and I asked the question, “How many of you have had someone in the church approach you and say, “God told me we’re supposed to be best friends... ?" Laughter immediately erupted and lots of heads were nodding and hands raised.  I went on to say that this pressure comes in various forms – not always the same verbiage – and can be anything from… “God told me we’re supposed to be best friends…”  to “I really want to know you more and get closer to you...”  to “God laid you on my heart and said we're supposed to be close friends...” Sometimes it comes in the form of someone relentlessly asking for private coffee/lunch times for the purpose of pursuing those things. (Note: there's a difference between spending time such as this for mentoring, discipleship, etc. and developing a close friendship.) I asked the pastor’s wives gathered in that class if they had experienced anyone actually leaving the church...

One of the hardest things for a pastor's wife is knowing her assignment. There is no job description for a pastor's wife outlined in scripture. Confusion often comes when people in the church think they know the God-ordained role of the pastor's wife. This is based upon the church member's background, stereotypes and personal expectations and of course these widely vary from person to person.  To add to the challenge, many will outright tell their pastor's wife what they expect. Or, they will refrain from telling the pastor's wife personally and instead spread the word to others about what she should be doing. (And are more than likely not doing, and therefore, displeasing them.) Here is truth that we know... The pastor's wife is the wife of the pastor. That's the definitive truth on this subject. So how does it get so mangled and misconstrued? Through people's preferences, and false expectations.  Beyond the pastor's wife...

We don't have some things, because we don't ask God for them. James 4 tells us that. I also believe that as we delight ourselves in the Lord, He gives us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 37:4) Sometimes God answers when we don't even ask for the desires of our heart. Perhaps it's because we don't see how God would do it within our current structure. Translation: our current box.   We forget that His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. (Isaiah 55) He can give us our desires even when it doesn't seem feasible at all. He is truly omniscient. I love that, and so much more about Him.    I'm a homebody at heart. Most would never guess it, but at the core I'm an introvert who could live in my pajamas, with a dog by my side, writing books until Jesus comes back. But  I was convinced   that one day upon retirement I was going spend my days in between pj's and book writing, taking road trips. These jaunts would be for purpose of encouraging le...

An informal poll I took recently among friends in ministry revealed that most don’t take a day off. Or if they do it’s not a true day off. I’ve known the importance of a Sabbath for a long time. After all it’s in the Bible . And I’m a minister, so I’ve done plenty of reading of the Bible. But for some reason those of us in ministry, myself included, seem to need more of a kick in the pants about taking a Sabbath, even more than our non-clergy counterparts.  Several weeks ago, I was spending time with some women's ministry leaders and brought this up. I was encouraging them about getting proper rest and practicing self-care. I discovered that even on their day off, 99.9% of them check work emails and texts, and “take a moment to answer back real quick.” I suggested to the group that all of those moments taken to “answer back real quick” add up.   I know because I’ve been so guilty of it myself. I also suspect that by answering back, most of us have entire Sabbaths...

I'm writing this post today because I don't personally need more income. Don't get me wrong, I could always find uses for money. But my point is, our family income is just fine. But at one time, it wasn't. And only someone who is making a decent salary can write this kind of post, otherwise it's taken as  begging for money. Photo Credit: ccstbp, Flickr Many years ago a woman in the church  where we were pastors at the time came to me with a box of things and said, " Pastor Deanna, I want to donate this to a family in need at the church, and I know you'll know exactly who needs it and who to give it to..." I thanked her. Once she left the room I peeked inside the box and said to myself: "We are that family." I took the box home and our family utilized the contents. At the time we may have been the most financially disadvantaged family in the congregation. We qualified for food stamps. Our kids qualified for free school lunches...

Right now our church is on a corporate 40 day fast. To be clear, the entire church is not on the fast. Only 70 people have made a commitment to fast for 40 days, but still...I think that's pretty significant that this many people are committed to persevere for that long, together. I have been believing for huge things on this fast. The Bible says some things will only happen by prayer and fasting. I've been believing for specific things so much I have even asked one of my unbelieving friends to pray for me. (She actually did! Thanks Laura.) You know you're getting desperate when you're asking the unbelievers to pray. Ha ha! Many of my prayers are about reaching hurting people in our city and breakthroughs for  Celebration Church and I have also prayed about things I am longing for personally. One of those things I've never shared with anyone but a few people privately is for a retired pastor's wife to come to Celebration. Not one in transition. Not on...

Today I'm blogging at the Pastoring Partners Network on the topic, "Pastoral Pride Will Kill You." I invite all of my friends who are pastoring a church to learn from my mistakes. :)  Have you heard the definition of wisdom? It's the benefit of experience without the pain of mistakes. I'd much rather learn from other people's mistakes than go through the pain of my own. Okay, so the topic of pastoral pride is heavy. I'm glad today's my day off!  :) It's Fun Friday and my man and I have plans for some much needed down time. It might be just a few hours, but it will be soooo good. We've got some work to do around the house to prepare for some company we're expecting for Thanksgiving, and we're so blessed to be spending time today with our former children's pastors, Trinity and Misty Mackley, who are coming into town for the weekend. Oh how we looooooove our Mackleys!! They might have left Tampa but they never left our hearts ...

A bunch of women have blown me away with their feedback to my Fifty Shades of Grey message . I have a follow up today on my weekly ezine , featuring some of the response. Today's message is: "Should you listen to God...or your husband?" Go here to read it, and better yet you can subscribe here so you can get my ezine in your box weekly. (Just go to the little box in the bottom left hand corner and put in your e-mail address. Once you click the link, check the "cup of coffee" to receive it.) Also, my dear friend, Dr. Donna Sallee shared a post yesterday on Pastoring Partners Network, on the Leviathan spirit . I asked her to share this because it was such a help to me personally. Learning about this has rocked my world. Did you ever deal with something and have no idea what it was until someone educated you about it? This happened to me recently. I thought the Jezebel and Absalom spirits were pretty fierce until I came face to face with Leviathan.  Dr. Don...

If I could have a do-over, I would do all three of these things MUCH quicker in my 25-year journey of leadership.  1) Exercise daily.  I'm not a work-out-a-holic by any means. Anyone can tell that from even glancing at me. But, the fact is, for a few months now I've been exercising even if just for 15 minutes a day. The majority of the days I do 30 minutes. And it is absolutely life-changing, particularly related to stress. Some days even if I've already exercised, I go back and do a bit more if something comes up. It helps a lot! Lately I've said to myself, "why didn't I start doing this sooner?" Exercise has been called, "the best drug in the world." 2) Be happy while waiting.  Are you waiting for challenges to be worked out, before allowing yourself to be happy?  The truth is, things will never be perfect until heaven. If you are leading a church or an organization, few easy problems come to your desk. By the time they get to you, ...

This may just be the strangest thing that has EVER happened to me in an elevator. Why am I including an elevator story among the "True Church Stories" series ? Because I include things in this series that go on in the course of ministering in the "church world", not just in the church building or office. In addition to pastoring at our church I also travel and speak. The past few years I've traveled an average of about one weekend a month doing that. Many times I've been asked to speak about marriage. In fact, at our district Experience Conference, I've taught the session on married sexuality for many years. I asked not to have that assignment this past year, because I was kind of tired of being known as "the sex lady" at least as that particular conference is concerned. I enjoy teaching about biblical sexuality, but I also like to share on a plethora of other topics. So... At a women's conference years ago here in Florida, I was as...

Songs of worship continued as people streamed forward to receive personal prayer from the pastors and prayer team. This is customary in our church services as we believe in divine healing and miracles and we pray for them. My husband Larry, the lead pastor, was going from person to person, anointing their heads with oil and praying over their needs. As he approached one man, the gentlemen leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Pray for me, pastor. I've been struggling a lot with diarrhea." Larry leaned in and said, "okay... do you want me to bind it, or loose it?" I can't remember what the guy's answer was, as all I have remembered over the years is what my husband said. Either way, it's hilarious. In case you've landed upon this series for the first time, you might notice it's story number 41. I share 40 other "True Church Stories" from our pastoral ministry. Just go to this link and you can enjoy all of them. Many people ...

Photo credit: Savanna Shrodes How or why is pastoring more challenging than any other profession? I'm about to answer that question today. I'm blogging over at Pastoring Partners Network today and if you're interested you can read my post, Why Pastoring Is Harder, there. Speaking of hard things...we have been without A/C for four days now. In temperatures up to 91 degrees. It has rained some this weekend which made it somewhat more bearable. Our A/C needed to be replaced. It has already been repaired twice and this time it couldn't be. So, we are supposed to get it installed today. I am hoping the family can sleep well tonight. In the meantime I have counted it all joy and kept my mind on friends in other countries, and even one friend in the USA, who does not have A/C. What new compassion it has given me for them. Right now it's 89 inside our house and even the dogs are just laying here, tongues hanging out, although I have given them plenty of ice water. Co...