Deanna Doss Shrodes

 H appy women have standards and keep them. Not only does it show that they aren't desperate but they spare themselves a tragic choice by having lowered them.    Happy women reject the lie that finding "the perfect man" will make them happy. Please stop with the Facebook posts about how this new man who is your soul mate has met your every need. I write this not to man bash. I love men, especially the one I'm married to. Although there are great guys on the planet, they don't exist to fulfill our every need. Only God can do that. There are so many lessons we can learn from Eve, and one is that and one is that even with the "perfect man" a woman is still not satisfied.  Men are a blessing in our lives but whenever we become dependent upon them for our happiness we are in for a fall.   Happy women realize that a bad mood or attitude is not going to change anything for the better. Happy women don't try to bring change through negative emotions ...

Succeeding at anything long-term will be a challenge for those addicted to affirmation. Affirmation is a wonderful thing when it happens. I love it. (What human being doesn't?) I try to remember to give it to others, knowing how much it means. I have a collection of affirming communications people have sent me over the course of my life. Such notes are of value and are appreciated.  At the same time, I'm mindful of guarding against the trap of needing any of it to: 1) Do what is right. 2) Fulfill my purpose in the earth. 3) Lead in the way God has called me to. I learn by observing others, more than anything. I notice that affirmation addicts tend to spin their wheels a lot, never gaining serious traction. This is because they have to wait for more affirmations before they can keep going. Or, they go full steam ahead for a while -- perhaps even make major progress -- and then crash when enough affirmations aren't coming in. If affirmation is your fuel and ...

Most adults are afraid to speak up. Afraid to say, "I don't know." In fear of saying, "I don't understand." I have seen this firsthand as my husband does an experiment. As part of a teaching, he instructs a group of people that he is going to tell a joke that makes absolutely no sense. He prepares them by saying: "When a new, unsuspecting person comes in late, I am going to tell this joke. Laugh hysterically. Then we will see how the new person responds." Then they just wait for someone to walk in, and he tells the joke.

Are you disappointed? Feeling like you don't know if you can handle one more let down? Permission to encourage? Truth:  I get disappointed every day. Really. In some way, I get let down every single day. Today I counted twice, once on a small issue, another time on a big one. Sometimes I think people read blogs or watch people from afar and they think they lead relatively disappointment-free lives. I was preaching one time and in giving an illustration said, "One day when I was feeling depressed..." and went on to tell a story. At the close of the message a woman came running up and said, "You get depressed? I never imagined that..." Reality is that every person including myself faces disappointments. Nobody is exempt. What's my secret? I keep going. This week I was telling one of my career coaching clients the importance of going forward. He said, "Ummmmm...what choice do I have?" I told him, "Well, to be honest, I'...

I ponder the subject of success all the time. Probably too much. I'm intrigued by it. Curious about what works and what doesn't. After a lot of observation, I've concluded that initiative is one of the most important ingredients to success. In my book, JUGGLE , I talk about the importance of having an initiative list. I believe successful people are not only clear on their initiatives, they take initiative to get them done. They don't wait around for other people. I've been coaching for a while and it's interesting to me that when I formulate agreements with clients, they will agree to pretty much anything but then look to me for what I'm going to do next.  It's never about what the coach is going to do next. It's about what you're going to do once you and the coach have agreed upon  plan. People that keep waiting for the coach fail. People who take initiative succeed. Initiative is really, really important.

             You must welcome change as the rule but not as your ruler.  ~Denis Waitley Early yesterday morning before I left for the church office, a big change was suddenly thrown into my life. I realize seasons of change in life are the rule not the exception. And I like what Waitley said that change is the rule, but not our ruler. While I was processing this change I found great comfort in a few things... Getting out of the bathtub and seeing that Max and Maddie had taken up residency in mine and Larry's bed, with Max's paw wrapped around her...always warms my heart. Larry just had to take a photo even though we've seen it so many times... Prayer in the sanctuary that I customarily lead every Thursday morning at Celebration ... Reading Jesus Calling... Completing all my customary church ministry duties... Coming home and riding my bike for a longer time in weather that couldn't have been more perfect...no...

If you want to stand out, simply keep your word. Apparently it's not quite that simple. By all indications this is a really hard thing to do since so many people don't do it. Which means if you do keep your word, you are a hot commodity! Over the last 25 years time I've had considerable experience mentoring others. I also am in connection with lots of other leaders who are involved in the same thing. What's surprising to many of us is how rare word-keeping is. Who would have ever thought that people would be amazing simply for showing up?  That's pretty mind boggling to think about...that just being present would be all one would have to do to stand out above the rest. But it's true! If I'm helping someone who happens to be looking for a job and I notice they keep their word, I always find ways to include this on their resume and underscore the importance of communicating this aspect of their character in an interview. Keeping your word is so r...

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." ~ Mark Twain Mentors may need a break from time to time to heal and recharge from situations where mentees have bitten the hand that once fed them. I hate the fact that this is so common. I can't say that I've ever met a mentor who hasn't gone through this. Most, including myself, have gone through it multiple times.  I wrote about one of those situations in this article. A pastor-friend recently shared with me about a mentoring relationship they developed with a young person they had invested in for many years. After many years of training and investing, they helped the mentee plant a church. It became prosperous and much of that was from all their mentor had poured into them. Instead of being grateful, the mentee ultimately became upset with the mentor. He said that with all the blessings of his church launch he...

If you are too full, there’s no room for you to learn anything more.  To qualify for mentorship you have to recognize your need for input. A person who comes with an attitude that they already know as much as the mentor can’t be taught.  Proverbs 27:7 says, “The full soul loatheth a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.”  I know that my relationship with a mentee is going nowhere fast when every other word out of their mouth is, “I know,” “yes, I’m aware of that,” and “yes, I already know that.” Some people won't shut up about their qualifications enough to learn from anybody else. The hungry soul, the one with the teachable spirit, will be filled.     

  Mentees have much more affect on how much is received than their mentor does. In the parable of the sower, the same sower sowed the same seed on the four different types of ground. In other words, it was the same teacher, mentor or preacher, with the same techniques, presenting the same message. The condition of the ground makes the difference in results. It’s interesting to me that in times past I’ve had people leave a church service telling me that they don’t feel the spirit of God, they feel dry, God’s not doing anything and they feel led to seek another church. After the same exact service somebody else will come up to me full of life or bawling their eyes out, moved by the spirit -- telling me that the presence of God was all over the place…they received a Word from God like never before, etc. What’s the difference? Same church, same service, same pastor, same message. Different person!!!  Likewise, what you sow in a mentorship relationship, you will ...

The next step in qualifying for mentorship is to develop a habit of learning something from every conversation. Listen up and listen closely! Hang on every word that your mentor says.  Will they always get things 100% right? No. That’s not what it’s about.  Remember, you are not just learning from your mentor’s successes, but also their failures. Mentorship is the benefit of experience without the pain of mistakes. A good mentor will share their mistakes with you, and how you can avoid them. It really is true that you can learn something new every day!

The first question I want to ask you today is: When a mentor finishes a conversation with you do they feel that you wanted their thoughts, their wisdom or advice? The second question I want to ask you is: Why would God give you a mentor if you are not really eager to learn from them and apply what they have to say? Cultivating a teachable spirit is the first thing you need to do to qualify for mentorship. You do not receive a mentor just because you are in close proximity to someone. Even if they are in authority over you, this is not a definite indication that they are going to take you under their wing for anything other than immediate supervision. You prove that you are qualified as a mentee by respecting their wisdom. I’ve been mentoring people for over 25 years now and over these years it’s been amazing to me how some people will say, “It’s amazing the things I’ve learned from Deanna,” while others will say, “I haven’t really learned anything from her at a...

All this week in a continuation of the mentorship series, I’m going to talk about qualifying for mentorship. Qualifying? Yes, I said qualifying. This is one of those things folks just seem to have a hard time understanding. They think because they are employed somewhere that their boss is required to mentor them.  False. Your boss supervises you but they don’t have to mentor you. Consider it a great perk of your employment if your boss mentors you. People believe that because they are in a church the pastor or pastor’s wife is required to mentor them. False. Please consider it a great honor and privilege if your pastor takes the extra time and care to personally mentor you. Your pastor is entrusted with the leading of the flock the primary role of which is training and equipping however they do have a choice of what and who to focus on within that area.  Mentorship doesn’t happen because you just show up somewhere. You have to qualif...

Lisa Alexander had some amazing insights yesterday in her guest post , and I'm following up on the heels of that with 3 keys to an effective mentoring relationship. 1) Write down what your mentor says. One of my consistent habits is to write things down constantly . This includes everything from random thoughts, ideas, quotes, and definitely things told to me by mentors. Quite honestly when I am the one doing the mentoring and the person records nothing that I say, it's a huge red flag to me about how serious they are. 2)  Work harder than your mentor. As Lisa said yesterday , if the mentor is doing more cheering than you, something's wrong. My boss Kathryn, (my manager at NextJob) often says that a major key to detecting a client's urgency in getting reemployed, and also their seriousness about coaching is if at any time we are doing more work than they are. In this case, something's wrong. Your mentor isn't there to do all the hard work for you.  ...

I can't remember exactly when I met Lisa Alexander . It's been a long time. It feels like we've been in each other's lives forever. I do remember where I met her. We met through Pastoring Partners , the organization I lead for women who serve in ministry. She also serves as one of our writers there and is a huge encouragement to the many women who have been helped through PPN. For a long time ours was an online friendship but it blossomed to real life and I had the tremendous opportunity to go to Houston and speak at the church where she and her husband Elgin served as lead pastors at the time.  There is an amazing amount of talent all embodied in one person when it comes to Lisa. She's a powerful minister, an excellent minister's wife, an amazing mother, a marketing expert and a whole lot more. She mentors in all of these areas and more and immediately came to mind as someone I knew I wanted to have guest post for this series.  I know you'll enjoy her ins...

"I could tell by the way you were shifting your feet that you were checking out. You were exhausted and at that point, she wasn't going to get the best out of you at all..." This was said by my friend Candy who is often with me before and after services, helping me as I'm preparing to minister, or just finishing up. She made this statement after watching a lady in the church try to have a conversation with me at about 1:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday after church. I had just finished preaching, ministering at the altar and greeting first time guests and was totally wiped out. And here came a woman needing "just a few minutes of my time to bend my ear about a major decision in her life."  I stood there listening. Well, trying to listen. I don't hear much on a Sunday after church. When I preach, I leave it all on the stage. My feet are hurting from ministering in heels since 8:00 am. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm thinking about one thi...

Mentoring happens in different many forms. I've been mentored by people who are dead . For a long time. By this I don't infer that they have no personality. They are truly dead as far as moving on from their earthly body to their heavenly home. I am mentored as I devour the works of Oswald Chambers and A.B. Simpson . I learn through reading their timeless truths and applying them to my current situations. I am mentored by people who are still alive that I will probably never meet in person. Individuals like Joyce Meyer who are stellar communicators.  I am mentored by people like Jeff Goins whose blog I read daily. I haven't met Jeff in person but he has taught me more than a lot of people I have met in person. He's also answered every piece of mail I've ever written to him and is a hero to me. He's experiencing a lot of wild success in his life right now and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy or someone more deserving. The most ...

Normally in this space I would introduce the guest poster by sharing how we met. Kimberly takes care of this in her post, so I will dispense with that tidbit of information here and let her tell you. I asked Kimberly if she would share insights about the proper treatment of a mentor. I've been serving as one of her mentors for a while and quickly noticed that she knows how to treat, and keep a mentor. Therefore the reason I not only asked her to share today, but the reason I kept her as a mentee when I got rid of almost everyone else for the last six months. (LOL) I didn't request nor expect her to say any of the amazing things she's said about me here. In fact, I was really uncomfortable with it at first and even thought of not publishing it because I didn't want it to seem self serving.  Ultimately I decided to share this because of the principle of the thing. She speaks valuable truth regarding this issue that applies to all. While I'm humbled by her accolade...

This week's posts are going to be a series about mentorship. I'm not going to do all the posting. Tomorrow we'll have a guest post you don't want to miss. It's from someone I've been mentoring. So tomorrow, we will hear from a mentee's perspective. Right now I mentor less people up-close-and-personal than I ever have. It's a temporary season I'm in, and there's a good reason for it. Back when I started in ministry a little over 25 years ago, people would occasionally approach me and although they didn't always use the word mentorship, that's what it was. I was flattered, and humbled and overwhelmed when they came to me, a very young woman at the time.  I was green and needed a lot of experience, and I took every opportunity I could in an effort to learn. I had a great passion to help people. Through the years I gained more experience and learned a lot of things in the process. I learned that: Many people don't want a ment...

 "Definition of overnight success---Endless nights, early morning, long weekends, books, mentors, working when no else tells you to or watching, failing more times than you succeed, wanting to quit over and over, yet not doing it and working toward continuous improvement.   I am an overnight success."  ~  Keith Frein