One of the hardest things for a pastor's wife is knowing her assignment. There is no job description for a pastor's wife outlined in scripture.
Confusion often comes when people in the church think they know the God-ordained role of the pastor's wife. This is based upon the church member's background, stereotypes and personal expectations and of course these widely vary from person to person.
To add to the challenge, many will outright tell their pastor's wife what they expect. Or, they will refrain from telling the pastor's wife personally and instead spread the word to others about what she should be doing. (And are more than likely not doing, and therefore, displeasing them.)
Here is truth that we know...
The pastor's wife is the wife of the pastor.
That's the definitive truth on this subject. So how does it get so mangled and misconstrued?
Through people's preferences, and false expectations.
Beyond the pastor's wife being a daughter of God and wife to her husband, she is to hear from God personally for her unique assignment.
Who is the pastor's wife to please?
Galatians 1:10 gives us some insight here, not just for the pastor's wife but for all believers. "I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant." Galatians 1:10
Pastors' wives, don't live under false guilt that you are not meeting the people's expectations.
What did God speak to you through His Word? What did God speak to you in your time with Him?
That's your job description.
End of story.
*I recognize there are women pastors, and pastors' husbands. The purpose of this post was to speak specifically to the pastor's wife. It's a role I've walked in for almost 28 years along with being a pastor as well as a pastor's wife myself, and I and wanted to speak to this specifically.