Skip to main content

WHY the thing you're upset about TODAY is really about YESTERDAY

When people disappoint us we can experience all sorts of negative emotions.

As I shared in yesterday's post, I recently had a life-changing encounter with a licensed professional counselor. Our time together began with her telling me that she rarely if ever gets angry. And, she used to be a person who had a serious anger problem! Now that got my attention! I "manage" my anger well but as far as eradicating it...well, attempts on that have not been totally successful.

 She shared with me is that in the majority of cases when someone is overcome with a negative emotion, it is a trigger for something they experienced in the past. (To clarify, this doesn't refer to things you aren't sure happened or digging up repressed memories, etc. What she was talking about are painful things you can actually recall that took place at an earlier time.) In other words, the issue is not the issue. There's something deeper going on.

When someone hurts you now, it's real, and by all means should be addressed. However, it is probably magnified because of your past experience, left unfinished.

What lie (from the enemy) have you believed based upon that past experience that affects you right now?



Yesterday, I referred to some of those lies, three of which I've believed. And, from the mail I got yesterday, well...a lot of you believed them too.

Lies like...

 "Maybe I'm not good enough...that's why they don't show up."
"Maybe I don't really matter. That's why they didn't keep their commitment."
"Maybe I'm not all that important. That's why they forgot."


When we get to the root of why something makes us so upset, it prevents us from reacting in such a huge way to current disappointments. In my case, I don't usually react outwardly with people. I keep my emotions in check around people, because that's an important aspect of being successful, keeping your job, etc. 

However, I usually get sick.  



That's no uncommon for people who hold things in.

So, to put things in a nutshell so far...

I was really disappointed with some people/things.
I took their failures personally.  (I didn't realize it had nothing to do with me, until the counselor told me that.)
I was angry and couldn't seem to shake it no matter how much I prayed.
It was brought to my attention that I was angry about more than just what I thought I was angry about.

When faced with this revelation, it reduced me to a pile of tears. I don't cry a whole lot and if I do there's a real good reason for it.

The tears were relief. Cleansing. Washing away the debris of disappointment that had been languishing there for so long.

After the revelation that my emotions were about more than current things, what did it take to move forward? 

The counselor gave me four steps that changed my life. 

I've been sharing the steps with a few people the past few weeks. I shared them with a pastor friend the other day who just wept when they received them. It hit them too, right at the point of their need, which was completely different from mine.


Upon seeing how much the four steps affected someone else besides me, I thought maybe I should open up and share with more people. I revealed my experience to the congregation and taught the four steps on Wednesday night in our Fusion service at Celebration and I have heard from so many in the church that what was shared is helping them to a greater level of freedom in their lives. To be perfectly clear, these are four biblical steps to freedom, not some kind of hocus pocus or psycho-babble.

I've been a Christian for a long time, and these four steps are helping me look at timeless truths in a new way.

I am now being so bold as to blog about it and share my experience in hopes that it will help you who read here.

I will be sharing the four steps tomorrow.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

This Could Have Ruined Everything... (But It Didn't!)

 No one would ever guess what happened to me this weekend in Jacksonville, Florida...so I'm going to tell you. :) As I was preaching at the Fearless Tour at New Hope Assembly of God this weekend,  I got choked up, literally. For probably 2-3 minutes I coughed profusely and greatly struggled. Then I drank some water and kept preaching. Everyone was gracious to give me a few moments to get my bearings. If you were there, you'll remember it! What no one realized at the time was that I swallowed a bug that flew right in while I was preaching! So disgusting! I said nothing because I was at a point in the sermon where I was really connecting and I knew if I said, "I swallowed a bug," everyone would either laugh profusely or be really concerned, or start feeling sorry for me.  And at that point whey wouldn't be thinking about the message anymore, but the fact that I had just swallowed a bug. They would then imagine what it would be like, and feel grossed out which

Relevant Church doing something...

incredibly RELEVANT!

I just heard some news today that really inspired me. A church here in Tampa, Relevant Church is doing a new thing this month called the "30 Days Sex Challenge." (I've never visited the church but Pastor Trinity - our children's pastor - has visited or has met some people from this church and he was very impressed.) Realizing that this is a major element missing from some marriages (the frequency factor) their lead pastor, Paul Wirth, has issued a challenge for all the married couples to have sex for 30 days in a row. At the same time he has issued a challenge for all unmarrieds to completely abstain from sex. Of course we know the Bible says that those who are unmarried should not have sex in the first place but the point is, a lot of unmarried's aren't obeying the Lord's command to abstain and this is just one pastor's way of trying to get them to see that indeed, there is a better way! (God's way!) At the same time, many married couples are no

Why You Should Never Hijack a Comment Thread
Social media etiquette 101

One surefire way to kill your influence in social media and wear out your welcome fast is to become involved in derailing somebody’s comment thread with your own agenda. Networking and hijacking aren’t the same thing. It’s surprising how many people don’t understand that this is a guarantee for tearing down a platform as quickly as you build it. Passion is good, even necessary. I appreciate people's zeal for their personal core values. What is not appreciated is the attempt at a redirection of a comment thread when the comment has little or nothing to do with an original post or is twisted at best. Social media provides ample opportunity for all of us to share what’s important to us on our own platform. Eliciting others’ responses and developing connections largely depends on our ability to communicate and compel. Some people are open to receiving private communication from others although they aren’t always able to answer personally or at length. But hijacking a comment threa