Thursday, April 05, 2012

WHY other people's failures have nothing to do with YOU


Recently a counselor shared with me something incredibly liberating.

"Everyone is messed up."  And...

"Their issues have nothing to do with you."

As simple as it sounds, this set me free, especially as a leader. 

I had a counseling session recently that changed my life. And, I'm not afraid to tell you that.

I'm going to unpack the thoughts shared with me by this licensed Christian counselor in a few posts to come. Their words absolutely liberated me. I hope they have the same affect on you if you are struggling in any way.

Last week I saw a Facebook status update from a pastor who was discouraged that 67 people showed up for Sunday service. He was so down. He said that 67 people on a Sunday morning was totally opposite of everything he dreamed for himself years ago in Bible College.

I know 67 would be a dream for some people, and for others a nightmare. That's another post for another day.

The truth is, the unfaithfulness of others has nothing to do with him.

Sadly, this man like so many of the rest of us who lead, take people's actions (or lack of action) personally.

People don't show up. We take it personally.
People fail to follow through on commitments. We take it personally.
People forget. We take it personally.

And the list goes on.

We take it personally many times because there is something inside of us that feels responsible for their actions.


"Maybe I'm not good enough...that's why they don't show up."
"Maybe I don't really matter. That's why they didn't keep their commitment."
"Maybe I'm not all that important. That's why they forgot."

OR maybe...

It has absolutely nothing to do with you. 

We make so much about us that has nothing to do with us.

Making everything about us leads to misery.

The truth is --
People are messed up.
People have issues.

And these issues have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Nada.

Nothing.

Where there is no control there is no responsibility.

Realizing this is one of the first steps to freedom.

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