Tuesday, March 02, 2010

More bad advice I've received and disregarded...

1)  EVERYONE needs to homeschool their kids -- unless of course you are a communist (yes someone actually said that to me)  or want to feed your children to wolves... (yes, I've been told that too...wish I was kidding.)  Back away from the Gothard product tables, people...stop watching the Duggars. 

 2)  Don't let your kids have pacifiers.  It will screw up their teeth and besides that they will never be able to break away from them, and may even start kindergarten with one.

 3)  Be sure to keep everything strictly in the boundaries/boxes of:  God/Family/Work/Church/Everything else, and in that order, regardless of what may be happening at the time.   Even if someone in the church is in a head on collision and is instantly killed, stay at your kid's birthday party to prove a point - your family comes first!  After all, the person's dead anyway, so what can you do about it?  Your kid will always remember the birthday you stayed despite the tragedy.   [Sigh] On the other hand I've also received the terrible advice...if you're at your kid's school concert and Sister McGillicutty calls your cell phone to ask about something that is a non-emergency like Sunday School curriculum, answer the phone no matter what when you see that it's her on the caller ID, because she's an influential person Jezebel in the church and it will come back to bite you if you don't take her phone call immediately.  (Some people have no common sense in the first case, or in the second case they live in fear and intimidation.  No. Thank. You. Delete, delete, delete all that  advice.)

 4)  Children are meant to be seen and not heard.

 5)  Your husband is to lead you in your relationship with Christ and you are to look to him as your prophet, priest and king.  As a fantasy night in the bedroom, maybe?

 6)  It's important to have your children potty trained by the time they are two years old.

7)  If you tell your church  people you have been to counseling they will  never again respect you.   I guess I'm all out of respect...been multiple times I'm such a head case.

8)  Don't ever share your struggles in the pulpit unless you have achieved complete victory over them.  Once again, I am a hopeless case.

9)  Don't have the church people in your home.  That is your refuge and must be protected, and besides that, familarity breeds contempt and it will give them even more to criticize you for.  Woops!  I guess having our hot tub parties was a bad idea.

10)  The longer you are in ministry the less pleasure you can have.   Thus the reason some pastors who believe this look like they've been dipped in prune juice rather than baptized.

11)  If you are going to be a successful minister's wife you are going to have to suppress yourself.  The guy who told me this is no longer in the ministry........maybe his wife didn't supresss herself?  Well actually I heard she did in some ways which might be why he...

12)  Don't spank your children.  It will harm their self esteem.  (I'm talking discipline administered in an appropriate manner that gets a message across but does not harm the child -- NOT abuse.)

13)  Sex is mostly about meeting your husband's needs, and as long as you keep him happy and meet his needs everything in your marriage will be fine. 

14)  Don't dance.  It's worldly. Instead just put on some rollerskates and everything's cool -- go ahead.

15)  Don't pierce your ears.  If God would have wanted holes in your ears, He would have put them there.

16)  Don't wear make up.  Your face is pretty just like it is.

17)  Don't wear pants in the sanctuary.   It's manly and you will offend older Christians. Or people might not be able to to tell whether you are a man or woman.  God forbid people have to ask you to prove your gender...

18)  If you don't get up at the crack of dawn every morning to meet with God you will never be spiritual/a woman of God/achieve your destiny.  I'm a heathen for sure.

19) Don't talk about sex publicly.  It will greatly limit your ministry, not to mention it's inappropriate.  (Is that why all my preaching opportunities have dried up?  I thought maybe it was the five earrings in  my ears. Guess what the #1 thing I am asked to come and speak on is?  You guessed it!  Maybe I'm getting so many speaking invitations on the subject because there aren't enough other people out there bold enough to talk about this very appropriate and necessary topic?  I'm away THREE weekends in March, speaking about this, by the way.  Hmmmmm...)

20) Don't go to the movies.  It's worldly.  (Reality check:  I live in the world.  Yes the Bible says be in it but not of it, but the fact is there are a whole lot of things in the world.  Funny how the same legalistic folks who mention movies don't tell you to stay away from beds, guns, fried chicken or Neosporin.)  

I've received a heck of a lot of bad advice over the years but these are just some of the first that come to mind.  What about you?

5 comments:

Ruth, PA said...

Pastor's wives shouldn't wear red...or "flashy" colors.

Don't attend amusement parks or any place associated with the world. (In our family, this was almost everything.)

No games with cards or dice. (Not even UNO. If a church member stops by, we don't want anyone to think we play cards.)

Pastor's shouldn't drive new/updated cars.

KEEP the pastor's family poor and begging the board for every crumb. (This was a feeling I had as a PK)

Don't offend "Bro. and Sis. So-In-So" or their children because they are good givers and we don't want them to leave.(In truth, they probably are the cause of the Lord not richly blessing the ministry!)

I grew up trying to follow most of those rules. There was such a double standard. Like #20-We didn't attend movies, but we'd rent it when it came out on video. (huh?) What I realized as I grew up was that our family was one of the few families strictly following these rules.

Well, with the baptism in the Holy Spirit came a real freeing in my life (a wild and crazy husband doesn't hurt either lol) All rules need to be measured against the Bible. If it is not part of God's rules, then it is optional...stop making the rest of the world feel guilt! The body of Christ is full of people looking at the outward and forgetting about the heart. You know, some of the most sold out Christians I know do not look like the "norm". Believers, if they truely love God, need to stop requiring others to live by standards that God does not even require!
Okay, I'm done! :)
Ruth

MrsHendiii said...

These are great, I have I heard quite a few of these and it's freeing to know that I am not alone in thinking people are crazy!

A friend of mine and I were recently discussing how bad the church is talking about the subject of sex. My own point of reference was going to a youth rally as a teenager and the speaker held up a candlestick and spoke in her rough, Bayonne New Jersey voice, "you see this? Every time you have sex you snap years off your life" as she proceeded to snap the candlestick into smaller pieces. At 31 years of age I'm still as stumped about the message she was trying to convey when I was 13!

Deanna said...

Wow Ruth, you and I both grew up in similar worlds though I wasn't a PK but a DK. I get it...and agree with you.

MrsHeindiii, you're kidding! Thanks for the great laugh this afternoon. You painted a vivid word picture...I can envision that lady standing up there doing that. Well being that I've been married almost 23 years and have probably had sex thousands of times by now, I guess my candlestick is not only snapped to pieces but probably melted away somewhere into oblivion. I should be dead by now. LOL Man, it's crazy the false teaching and legalism that's out there...........

DaNella Auten said...

Lol yeah... my husband likes my candle stick...
I digress. My worst advise was "you are way to silly, you will never be able to counsel people, they won't take you seriously."... Actually, my humor puts them at ease.

Angie said...

I have totally heard everyone of those...and mostly from family members. They tortured themselves. Thank goodness people started actually reading the Bible and thinking.