Thursday, January 07, 2010

Ten ways you can prepare now
to be a pastor



Most people will tell you to listen for the voice of God, spend time praying, fasting and reading your Bible.   That's definitely top priority, but here are some other things you can do to prepare.

1)  Set your cell phone alarm to go off at all times of the day and night and interrupt you.     When it starts beeping, don't just turn it off.  Stop what you are doing for at least an hour, and do something totally different that you didn't plan on at all.  Come back later to the project you were working on before.  Finish it even if you have to stay up until 2 am. 

2)  If you are just starting out, make sure to stock up on ramen noodles, easy mac, and peanut butter and jelly.  

3)  Ask a few people to follow you around all the time, and find out what you're doing, who you're doing it with, where your family is eating, and where you shop. 

4)  Install cameras everywhere to keep a watchful eye on everything your kids are doing 24/7 to report back to you. 

5)  Plan something that will take a tremendous amount of help to pull off.  Delegate jobs to all your friends and but instruct them that what they are really going to do is call you at the last minute with a bunch of  excuses and tell you they can't follow through.  Somehow pull off the huge event with just you and your spouse doing everything.  Do this repeatedly throughout the year as you prepare.

6)  If you are a man and your goal is to pastor a traditional church make sure your wife knows how to play the piano, and fry chicken.

7)  If your goal is to pastor a contemporary church be sure to update your look to be as effective as possible on church advertisements.  If you're a man, shave your head and get a pair of trendy glasses, jeans, and a crisp cotton long sleeved button down shirt.   If you're a woman, get an outfit from somewhere like New York and Company and make over your hair in a style that requires a flat iron. 

8)  Invite your friends to call you up and email you at inopportune times, to criticize you for random things that are ridiculous "share things in love."  Ask them to make those things as unexpected as possible - things totally in left field that you don't expect.   Make sure that when they do this, you thank them, and keep a smile on your face.  In fact, right after they do it invite them to go out for coffee and underscore to them how much you love them and don't hold anything they just said against them.  

9)  Start stopping by the local hospitals on your way home, and eat in the cafeteria just for fun.  

10)  Have your family members throw a bunch of bulletins, Sunday School papers, empty water bottles, an umbrella or two, and a bunch of other people's Bibles around your house. Schedule an event that evening at your house that requires it to be in perfect order.  Make sure you will be the only one available to get it ready before that time.  Clean it all up yourself and talk God while you're doing it.

These are just a few little starter exercises you can do to prepare yourself -- there are many more and perhaps I'll share them in days to come so stay tuned.

19 comments:

Melissa said...

OK this really had me laughing to myself! Although every point sounds absolutely insane...they are sadly stating the truth! I personally love the strike through comments LOL! I think I will post this on my blog as a guest writer. Love it!

Ruth, PA said...

Hilarious....but hits a bit close to home!Can't wait to see the rest of the list!

Leanne said...

We truly are an insane bunch, aren't we?

By the way, sometimes you can get a good deal on a big box of corn dogs to supplement the Easy Mac, PB&J, and ramen. A little protein and a little variety, together on a delightful wooden stick [true story!].

Melissa said...

LOL Leanne, that cracks me up that you added the corn dog supplement...but the fact is it does make a pretty good and cheap meal :)

DaNella Auten said...

You forgot meatless spagetti... that is a staple in any bible college student's life...

Anonymous said...

You really should come to grips about the fact that ministry is not meant for hurting and villifying others, especially those who pay support your salary. Just because the internet is freely open shouldn't give you the right to villify your church or anyone else's church congregants or leaders. I would assume that you probably have a really big back door at your church due to this fact. I hope that your members or former members do not read your blog. You do yourself and your church no credit by building yourself up and tearing others down. Shame on you...

Leanne said...

Deanna - I linked to this post in my latest blog post...sort of a "piggy-back" type post, so thanks for the inspiration ;o).

Anonymous - Posting a critical, negative comment to a blog post with which you disagree and not signing your name to it is immature and cowardly. The end.

Ruth, PA said...

Amen, Leanne!!! Anon., unless you have been in the ministry or a PK...you wouldn't get it! Shame on you...for not signing you name!!! I agree, Leanne, What a coward!!

Michele said...

To anonymous- we have a big front door and all are welcome- I as a member I as a leader I as a board member read her blog daily- PD is an inspiration- encourager- and would give you the shirt off her back if she needed to- she is a pastor who is real and shares the truth from what she has gone through as a pastor- she uplifts other pastors and copastors and pastor wives- if you knew her like we did you would truly understand how she writes. She is real through and through

Melissa said...

Anonymous- My first question for you is "Have you ever even met Pastor Deanna in person?" How dare you write this kind of statement and not sign your name! Shame on you! I know for a fact that Deanna is not afraid of critism but at least you could be bold enough to sign your name!!!
This woman of God is NOTHING like you are saying. She is the most loving and supportive person I know. She is also the most genine and honest pastor/PW that I know of. She isn't afraid to share the good and the bad about ministry. She has been one of our biggest supporters and mentors! She has gone out of her way to help my husband and I in a variety of ways! She is not accusing anyone in her congregation in this post, she is making general statments. I have been to her church, have friends that attend there, and I LOVE IT! If we were living in the area and not pastoring our own church we would most definitely be attending there and coming under their spiritual authority.
What she is sharing here is simply the truth! If you are a Pastor, PW or PK you would understand where she is coming from.
Deanna is a dear friend and colleage. I love what she has to say in today's post, so much so that I made her a guest speaker on my blog. I have experienced everything she is stating here as a PW and find no offense to it.

Michael Gibson said...

In my opinion, if someone doesn't have the nerve to reveal their identity, they shouldn't even be acknowledged. That pretty much sums up my feelings about our anonymous "friend" on here.

Now, let me set the stage for what I want to say. I have been "in church" my entire life. I grew up the son of a board member and Sunday school teacher. I have served the church relentlessly as a member, in lay leadership and as a credential holder. I have held lay ministry, staff pastor, church planter and senior pastor positions. I only talk of myself to let you know I truly understand all sides of the ministry spectrum: lay person, leader, staff and pastor.

Now, to Deanna's thoughts. She speaks truth. The difference between the Shrodes and many other pastors is they say what everyone else thinks. So, if you sit under a pastor not as transparent, they are probably not as honest. I vote for transparent over fake, any day!

In my opinion, the world is looking for a real God who is revealed through real people living real lives. That "realness" sums up my 20 year experience with the Shrodes. And, kudos to them for being true to God and to themselves!

Now, onto Anonymous' comments. You need to understand that church members do not pay pastor's salaries. Church members pay tithes. According to the Word, that is God's money. In turn, God's church sets and pays pastoral salaries. Next, Deanna's comments did not "villify" anyone. They were honest and did not mention anyone by name. And, even if she did, it would not legally be considered slanderous if it were true. And based upon my experience, she was completely honest. If anything, she held back. In my opinion, you are the villain by suggesting Deanna restrict her right of free speech.

So, I am going to attempt to say this as gently as possible...Anonymous, be as transparent as the lady you are criticizing, grow a pair and reveal your identity. Or, keep your thoughts to yourself.

Michael Gibson said...

and another thing...I forgot to add this delicacy to the pastoral home grocery list: Hamburger Helper!!! My wife and I lived for YEARS on Hamburger Helper.

Rebecca Dearborn said...

Momma D- See I like to call you this sometimes because you are more than a pastor or friend to me you are like a second mother. You took me in under your wing when I really needed you. You let me call you late at night with concerns that broke my heart. You breathed life into me. You helped me get my head together and ready to take the next step into the scary world of ministry. Facing people like our little Anonymous friend above with poise and grace just like you do. What was it you told me the other day "To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." ~ Edmund Burke. I think it is safe to say you are something truly spectacular and you make a huge difference in the lives of hundreds of others (yes hundreds and probably more) The only people who dont like you are the ones who are jealous of you and they dont matter anyway.

Anonymous: You are a real Jerk! I would love to know the extent of your lifetime involvment in ministry. I have grown up in ministy as a PK and I dispise people like you who think that if they give money to the church they can run it. well, there is a reason you are NOT the pastor!! God didn't put you there because you have an ugly heart and would lead people astray. If you haven't experienced ministy like Deanna and I have first hand I suggest you keep your mouth shut because you have NO idea what it takes to deal with people like YOU!!!

Thats all. I love you Momma D!!

Kathryn said...

Dear Anonymous - It sounds like there is something important that you are trying to communicate that we can't hear because it is hidden beneath blame and anger. If you could strip the blame and shame out of your message, what is it that you want us to know? I send you thoughts of peace and grace and light; I hear a heart that's hurting in your message and wish for that hurt to be healed.

Rebecca Dearborn said...

Mike: I'm a PK and to this day I HATE hamburger helper because we had it soooo much! haha! Just had to say that.

Ruth, PA said...

I'd like to add to the list...
trying to politely say

"No we DO NOT want to take home your leftovers after the covered dish suppers" and

"There is no way on earth the bag of old worn out clothes that you no longer want will become the wardrobe of our family!"

(Oh...I admit it...I have PK issues!) LOL ;)

Leanne said...

Ruth - it depends on the leftovers, lol!!!

I agree with you on the worn out stuff..."I have this here broken/faded/holey/malfunctioning item that I can't use. I wonder if the church or pastor could use it?"

My last church had three BROKEN microwaves in our kitchen at one point - I kid you not!

Michael Gibson said...

Becca, I hear ya'! LOL

Debbie said...

Dear annonymous!!!

How dare you say those things and you don't even sign your name...cowardly!!! You have no idea what you are talking about and I can attest as being raised in a pastor's home...everyone of those points are the exact things a person must do to be prepared for the ministry!!! It is a thankless job that can only be filled by someone who's called by God and is willing to do everyone of those things without a moments notice and still keep a smile on their face and deal with people like you that don't have a clue as to what pastors endure every day! The stress is more than anyone can ever imagine and if it wasn't for a few faithful friends and members of the church that never cease to encourage, along with the grace God gives them, there is no way a pastor could survive! You have no clue as to what Pastor Deanna does every day...she truely is called by God and SUPERWOMAN!!!
Let's see....wife,lover,Gormet Chef, party planner,mother,mentor encourager,counselor,smiler,hardworker, focused and not allowed to let anyone other then her husband, see her sweat!!!
I love you Pastor Deanna..no one can ever know how hard, but rewarding the Job of Pastor..&(Pastor's wife)is. It is a privilege to know you and know that you are called by God and you have chosen to follow the leading of God in your life!!! You are awesome!!! You have so many friends that stand by you and will fight for you!!! The steps of a good man (woman) are ordered of the Lord...you are right where you should be!!! Your time is coming!










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