Monday, November 19, 2007

Re-entering the earth's atmosphere


I haven't fit back into my world since I came home.


I'm not going to give too much detail other than to say please pray for me, my blog readers. It was a challenging week while I was gone and this has made coming home and getting back on track difficult.

I'm the one that keeps our world on track. Things were difficult without me. No one really has any clue how much I do. They might think they do, but really no one truly knows to what extent. Sometimes the pressure on me is overwhelming. There's nothing I could have done to have lined anything up better before I left. We are talking about circumstances out of one's control.

Unfortunately I have come back not really to the same world, but one that is more challenging than when I left. Fitting the things God has done in me last week into my world I walked back into seems rather impossible. I have to admit to you I have given up on wearing eye makeup this week.

I try my best to be as honest as much as I can. So I'm just telling you, I am at a really low point right now. I did go to service yesterday morning, and also our church dinner last night. I was very tired after 33 hours of travel, but I really wanted to be there. I realize some of the way I may be reacting to the changes I've come home to could just be tiredness and fatigue. However, last night I went to bed early and got 9 and 1/2 hours sleep, which is a huge amount for me. I don't feel any better.

In case you are wondering if I'm clinically depressed, maybe so but probably not. Reason being - there's are real tangible reasons for me to feel this way - actual circumstances, not just a vague, "I don't know what's wrong with me and I just can't snap out of it." I felt like I was coming back from Africa from outerspace and re-entering the earth's atmosphere, the trip was so "other worldly." The issue is, I have reentered the atmosphere and it's a difficult one right now. Please pray for me because this Thursday is Thanksgiving and we have officially entered the holiday season ...

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here for you PD - Love you Michele

Pastor Lisa said...

Oh Pastor Deanna! Please call me if you need me. I love you and know your heart is aching! To have God use you in such a way and then come home to such disappointment...I can totally relate!

Love you bunches and I'm so glad God answered all of our prayers. He took you safely, used you mightily and brought you back home.

Next time we'll pray that everything be in order when you return home. No nutiness on the home front to bring you down from your spiritual high.

Know that I love you...

Lady Melissa said...

God Bless you Pastor Deanna,

Glad to have you home safe with your loved ones. I know there's nothing I can do personally to make things better for you - ALTHOUGH I WISH IT WERE!

I will definately keep you in my prayers as well as the Fam. The best I can do besides prayer is send hugs & kisses your way, so here goes. . . . .

smooches & big hugs (smile)
Love you lots, Lady Sutton

Anonymous said...

PD,
I love you, am praying for you and am here for you.
Sue F

Sharon said...

Praying for you girl.

Kerry said...

PD,
My heart aches for you. I'm really sorry and wish I could help in some way besides praying but I know that prayer is a powerful thing. I've often struggle with moodiness and it's always hard to explain. I find that staying in Gord's Word, searching for the positives and constantly rebuking the devil and telling him he's a liar were great weapons that helped. No matter what the devil says, know that you are loved and there's a whole bunch of people praying for you.

Hugs & Love...Kerry

Deborah said...

Deanna, my dear friend I dont have any great words of wisdom or even scripture to make everything right, all I can do is pray. Know that you are loved and that God will not shut the doors that have been opened to you. the woman of Africa cry for more people (woman) like you to grace our shores.The enemy would love to still the joy and anointing that you carry with you. we will stand together in agreement that what ever is going on will be resolved, and that you can refocus. Girl get rest you have had such a time of pouring out let someone now pour into you. wish i could take you for coffee and just hugg you till you feel better. you make a beautiful kenya ladie in your pink dress. love always me ps you can call me if you feel homesick for africa!

Debbie said...

I am praying for you and your family. The enemy is a liar and is simply coming against you because of the incredible way God used you in Africa. Just know that you are loved and admired by many women and we are praying for you.

Blessings!

Kathi said...

Pastor Deanna -- I wouldn't worry just yet. This sounds like what my husband and I both struggled with after our respective missions trips, and even me after some in-country but away-from-home ministry work that turned out to be "other-worldly". I actually struggled with eating, and talked about selling our big house (which, at the time, was a trashy single wide mobile home!)...

I guess it took about a month to settle back into a semblance of "normal" - not crying often, not feeling guilty for being able to see a doctor when I wanted to, not feeling like I'd abandoned my family and they hadn't coped well in my absence...

:::hugs:::