Thursday, September 28, 2006

Vests, birthday cakes, goals, dreams, plans...letting go

Today Oswald's devo says: "Jesus’ primary consideration is my absolute annihilation of my right to myself and my identification with Him, which means having a relationship with Him in which there are no other relationships. Luke 14:26 has nothing to do with salvation or sanctification, but deals solely with unconditional identification with Jesus Christ. Very few of us truly know what is meant by the absolute "go" of unconditional identification with, and abandonment and surrender to, Jesus...One thing you lack . . . ." From Jesus Christ’s perspective, oneness with Him, with nothing between, is the only good thing..."  

Wow, how true this is. I am always forgetting that when I am really following Him I give up all rights to myself and abandon myself to whatever He is calling for at that moment. Sometimes I am ever aware of this and other times I am utterly clueness and need to be spiritually shaken and awakened. I have to stop and ask myself..."is there anything in between us?" Sometimes I am unaware of what I have allowed to creep in. Like taking weight off...getting something out is so much harder than it was to take it in. Breaking a bad habit is so much harder than forming a right one.

Speaking of weight, my eating has been horrible the past few days. I have just been in a funk, probably because of various stresses...none astronomical, but lots of little ones just nipping at my heels. And I haven't exercised the past 2 days like I should. I have been way too tired to set the alarm early (with working late a few nights) and then just caught up with various things. Tonight we took Dustin for his senior portraits. I was very irritated (but his Dad was more so) that he left his vest at Aaron's and we did not discover that til' 5 min. before departure. Larry was so angry because he thought, 'there's all the money for that down the drain" (he always thinks finances first). I always think, "there's that goal/dream down the drain" and he thinks, "there's that dollar sign down the drain..." Well, the thing is, it's just hard when you have something in mind, like an outfit, a "plan" for lack of a better phrase and then it doesn't come together just like you imagined. Dustin sees no big deal in it and of course he won't until he's a parent one day.

It's hard not to sweat things. I remember when I painstakingly made Jordan a beautiful birthday cake when he turned 2. Right before he opened gifts (at the beginning of the party) he walked up to the table and stuck his hand right in the middle of the cake. I was so upset, that "the plan" had been sidetracked (I wanted him to have a perfect cake) that I left the party...left Larry in charge...and went to the store and bought an absolutely PERFECT cake. I know Jordan didn't give a rip, but I did. So we had his ripped up cake, and we had his perfect cake and we both were happy I guess. How I got onto that stupid story I don't know...oh yeah...goals...plans...a dream...

Sometimes you have a dream of something you want for your kids whether it be a birthday cake being perfect or an outfit for their picture being perfect and when something gets in the way it really bugs you as a parent. I guess when it comes to a cake or vest it's not really dangerous but when it comes to the plan of God I do realize you have to completely let go of your own goals, plans and dreams and allow God to completely have His way in their life. They need to abandon to Him just like I do. They need to completely "give up their rights to themselves" and turn everything over to the Lordship of Jesus, just like I need to. I guess God is not really upset with me about being a little anal over a cake or a vest, as long as I just keep completely turning my three gems over to him as far as the giving of their whole lives to Him in the grand scheme of things.

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