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Five Thoughts I Have at 50

These aren't my only thoughts of course, but a few random ones I had yesterday while on a flight and took time to jot down.

1) I'm really glad I made it to this point. Some people despise growing older but these days my prevailing thought is, "I've made it to this point!!!" From a young age, I had a sense that time was running out.  Even as a child I felt an urgency that there was a small window of time to make a difference in the world. On my Grandma's porch, she had a sign that said, "Only one life twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." I try to live every year like it's my last. I make a big deal over my goals (I call them 'Investments') every year. If some people knew they had a year to live, they would quit their job, take all their money and travel the world and relax. Not me. I'll be working hard on many things until the day I go to heaven, whenever that is.

2) I've stopped having anxiety over how long I'm going to be here. I used to be so worried about it.  I would get heart palpitations or break out in a sweat thinking about it.  Then one day my dad said to me, "You will be here as long as God wants you here" and backed it up with a scripture. That was it. I stopped worrying. 

3) The longer I live the more I realize there is that I don't know and the more I try to keep an open mind. Not to a crazy point where I am believing that O.J. is innocent  or that wrestling is real. But yes, an open mind.

4) Compassion grows the older I get. And I have discovered "compassion fatigue" is a real thing. But God is more real.

5) Bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, and all those type of things have no place in the life of a Christian, and they will kill the productiveness of someone trying to do things for God. I need ALL my energy to get done what God has asked me to do. Those sins can sap my strength more than anything. They are so heavy. It really is okay to LET GO and let God decide the outcome. You know what I find out, the more I live life? When I let go, and the other person never makes things right - it seems they eventually go through things that are unexpected and sad. And because I surrendered to God on the matter and prayed for the person -- I find myself actually feeling sorry for them. It surprises me when I begin to feel love and compassion. Try it, I think you'll see I'm right.

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