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When You Want Your Spouse to Change Something And They Won't

Sometimes I desperately want my husband to make a change in some way that I know will benefit me, our family, the church or maybe even the world.

It's not always something big.

It could be a small thing that I know may not seem significant to him  but is a big deal to me. And for whatever reason, he doesn't want to change it or see the need to change it.


The purpose of this post isn't to bash my husband. First, I love him...so much.  Second, there have been things he'd like to change about me. This issue goes both ways. I believe everyone's spouse probably has something they'd like to change if they had a magic wand.  Third, I'm simply being transparent and opening up my inner world to help others with theirs. So here goes...




Sometimes I can be wrong about what needs to change. In those cases, the Holy Spirit works with me to show me the error of my ways. But other times, He wants me to take a different course of action to bring about change, and I've been a bit slow to catch on. 

A while ago, I had this conversation with God.

I had a thought about something I've wanted Larry to change. I've asked him about it nagged him, and he actually changed it a few times, but shortly it's always right back to where it was. I was convinced, a permanent change would be good for him, good for all of mankind.

Me: [to myself] "Ugh. I wish this would change...permanently."

Holy Spirit: [Suddenly speaks as He's great at doing especially when we're open throughout the day to listen.] So you want that to change, and for good?

Me: Yes. Of course. Don't you?

Holy Spirit: I can see the benefit in that, yes, if that's what you mean.

Me: Good, good. Then you and I are on the same page with this. Always good to know I'm on board with the Holy Ghost.

Holy Spirit: I'm not exactly sure you're on board.

Me: What do you mean? I thought we were in agreement, this needs to change.

Holy Spirit: Well, I'm a little concerned because although I can tell you're very bothered, and want it to change, you haven't actually talked to Us [God, Jesus, Holy Spirit] even ONCE about it.  I just want to gently point out here, you have never prayed about this even one time. We just see you become irritated by it.

Me: [Sudden shock...reality hits.] You got me there. It's true.

Holy Spirit: Do you think that Larry might be inclined to make a change that would last if we spoke to him rather than you bringing this up again?

Me: Probably. And even if not it's just going to cause undue stress and issues for me to keep pushing. Because any change that would come would only result from nagging. Therefore, things would probably go right back to the way they were after I wasn't doing that anymore, and I would have gonethrough a lot of stress for short term change.

Holy Spirit: You're exactly right. Lasting change comes through Us, not through you. And certainly not through nagging.

Me: I'm sorry, I forget that sometimes.

Holy Spirit: So you've got something new on your prayer list today...?

Me: Yes. I'm kind of ashamed it wasn't there all along.

Holy Spirit: Don't be ashamed. I didn't speak to you to shame you, only to teach you and guide you into truth as the Word says I do, remember?

Me: Yep. I sure do. Okay. No shame, just learning. Thanks for pointing this out to me.

Holy Spirit: Sure thing. I'm good that way.

Me: Yes, yes you are.

This is how the Holy Spirit teaches me and brings about change in my life.

He brings truth to me ever so gently. He does that when hearts are open and willing...waiting for Him to speak.


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