The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director. Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year. God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started inve
Today's post is from the relationship advice column that I write for Insight, a Tampa newspaper. This past month I tackled two questions and this was the second. I discussed the first one in yesterday's post. I'd love to hear your feedback. What has your experience been with family secrets?
Dear Deanna:
I’ve recently discovered a family secret that has me in so
much pain, I am thinking about going to therapy. I am trying to cope the best I
can but each day it is hard to even put one foot in front of the other and keep
going. The information I found out has made it almost impossible to think about
anything else. The people in my family who kept the secret are upset I found
out and don’t understand why I’m taking it so hard. Right now it seems like no
one understands. Talking to them about it just makes me angrier. Should I go to
a counselor and be done with it? They don’t want me to share about it with
anyone outside our family and I feel trapped.
- Essie
Dear Essie:
My heart goes out to you. I wish I could be there to hug you
in person. I understand the pain you are going through. There’s a popular
saying you may have heard before: “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” The
truth is, although you will benefit from counseling, you aren’t the sick
one. The more secrets a person has, the
sicker they are, and you aren’t the one who has been keeping secrets…you’ve
simply discovered one and experienced for yourself how destructive they
are!
My advice is: don’t fall into your family’s trap of secret
keeping. I endeavor to live a secret free life as far as it depends on me. The
only people who get upset about people who are transparent are people who
aren’t free!! There is a difference between confidentiality when professional
situations call for it, and secrets.
There is also a difference between discretion and secrets. Be careful to know the difference. What some people called discretion back in
the old days was really just a cover up for pride.
Some people walk around living broken for many years and
wonder why they can't quite get it together no matter how hard they try. The truth is that covered things don't heal
well. Think about when you have a cut on
your body. You might clean it with
peroxide or alcohol, then apply some antibiotic ointment and use a
band aid. That band aid being on there for
a few days is a good thing but if you left it on forever it would never
heal. At some point the injury needs to
be exposed to the air, to have complete healing. Our lives are like this. We can shove things down all we want but the
truth is it never heals or goes away, it just festers until one day you
explode.
Even when you are tempted to keep your
own secret, think about the fact that what threatens to break you also has the
potential to be the platform you stand on to help others through their own
trials. What about when you live
transparently and people talk about you in a negative fashion because now they
know things about you that might not have been your finest hour? My answer to that is, the kind of people who
talk are always going to talk. That's
who they are. That's what they do. They've chosen to be who they are. You might as well choose who you are as
well. Don't let somebody else make the
choice for you.
Living free is a wonderful thing because no one has any leverage
on you. What power is there in somebody letting a cat out of a bag that has
already been running around for years? It's old news that everyone knows so no
one cares. When secrets are exposed,
they lose their power.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you break free of
this negative cycle that your family has been trapped in and find your own way
in a secret-free world.
E--Mail your questions
for future columns to deannashrodes@gmail.com. Due to space and time every
question will not appear in the monthly column, however Deanna welcomes you to
interact with her where she blogs daily at
www.deannashrodes.net.
Deanna is an author,
speaker and certified coach who loves living in the Tampa Bay area with her
husband of 25 years and their three children.
Comments