I've always been a worker. I'll attack any job with the tenacity of a bulldog. Here I am pictured above, holding a pig's head. What in tarnation am I doing with a pigs head? As you can see in the photo I'm wearing gloves. I was picking an entire roasted pig that was cooked for a church event, and then deboning it so people could eat it for our latin festival. I didn't mind this job at all. I've never been afraid of any kind of work. I'm as comfortable picking a pig as I am preaching and praying.
Some friends of mine used to tease that they think I came out of the womb with a briefcase in one hand and a microphone in the other. I'd say, add a dishrag or a mop to that and it might be about right. I work on cleaning my house or doing odd jobs at the church as much as anything else.
Being a worker bee to the 'nth degree, it's sometimes hard for me to not place all my trust in my ability to work, instead of looking to God. I'll be honest here that sometimes, I trust completely in myself.
One time I was sick and we didn't know what was wrong. Actually, unbeknownst to me I had a growth in my throat that was making me sick. The moment I really knew I was sick and something had to be done, was when Larry and I were preaching a revival about 500 miles from home. At the last service he was preaching and I led worship. During his message, I went into the coat room of the church and laid down underneath the coat rack, to try to get some relief. I laid there real still listening for sounds from the sanctuary, silently praying. When I heard him winding the sermon down I got up and went to the keyboard and played through the altar call. I felt like I was going to fall over at any moment. At the close of the service he took one look at me and knew something was really wrong. He actually carried me out of the service to the car. We drove the 500 miles home, and went for medical help. I was diagnosed and the doctors said it was a "rare thing that happened to some people" and I would need surgery and be out of work for at least a month. Of course, at first, I wondered, "why me?" I had the operation and a few months later after I went through recovery and therapy, things were back to normal. I was so thankful.
I have trust in myself because I keep going even when I don't feel it.
I trust in myself because I know I'm not going to quit even if I'm laying under coat racks or being carried out of a service. Most people I know wouldn't do that, they'd just leave and say, "Sorry, I wasn't feeling well."
If I need to work more to reach a goal, I just work more.
It doesn't make it any easier to trust less in yourself and more in God, when, once you become known as a "go to" person, people applaud you for it and seek you out. This is only common sense. People in authority LOVE responsible people. (I'll confess, I'm addicted to responsible and dependable people. They are the jelly on my biscuit. On the other hand, when I get around lazy people, I start to shake.)
All my life I've heard things like, "If you want something done, ask Deanna, she's your girl..." or "Give it to Deanna...she'll get it done," or "Deanna Shrodes is a whiz bang at getting junk done." Of course that always made me feel like a million bucks. Everyone likes to hear, "job well done." Everyone likes to know their hard work is noticed and valued, myself included.
So what's the problem?
Sometimes God doesn't want more of our working and our doing, He just wants our trust. Sometimes God wants us to quit placing our trust in the arm of the flesh and place it solely on Him. Not by might not by power, but by His spirit!
For worker bees, that is really a hard pill to digest, because we just want to analyze it, fix it, work on it, and make it happen. We're used to that and we're good at it but God is saying, "I don't need you to do that all the time. I need you to give me room to surprise you."
I am also realizing, if I can accomplish it all myself...IT'S NOT BIG ENOUGH.
For a while now God has continually reminded me of the story of Jehoshaphat when he faced the battle and said, "we don't know what to do but our eyes are on YOU."
I'm confessing here that I need to get my eyes off myself and what I can do and get them on God and what He can do.
p.s. Just a reminder...I'm GIVING AWAY a coaching package? Maybe you'll win it. Details here.