Tuesday, May 29, 2012

What happens when my mind and body aren't in the same place...


If you need a laugh today, here you go...it's on me.

Saturday we had a Celebration Church event at a restaurant called Der Dutchman in Sarasota. Larry and I arrived first and right before we entered the restaurant I had taken a call on my cell phone. It was church related and presented me with some problems to solve regarding the event. I was stressed and had some logistics  to work out.

I immediately went into "fix it" mode. This is where I start analyzing to fix problems. I sort of go into a fog where I focus on solving issues and tune out everything and everyone around me while I do. Please note, this can be dangerous as I'm about to prove...

As soon as we got inside I had to use the restroom. My husband was waiting for me in the foyer area of the restaurant. I wasn't really focused on actually using the restroom and was still thinking of the things I had to solve.

No one was in the large restroom but me. I headed straight for a stall, and sat down to go. Even sitting on the toilet I was thinking, "okay, I'm going to do this, and then fix this, and yada yada yada.

A moment later I heard the door open and several people came in. There was no conversation but lots of peeing. I know, I know. You're wondering -- "where in the world is this blog post headed?  She must have writer's block when she's got nothing to write about other than people peeing..." Stay with me...

So I quickly finished what I went in there to do, flushed and headed out of the stall. When I came out, I was standing right next to three men who were all peeing at urinals.

Oh. My. Stars.

Men!!!

Peeing!!!

At urinals!!!

I was in the men's room!!!!  

You would think I would handle this discreetly, but nooooooooooooo.

I was panicked!

Not only was I in the wrong place but I lost all sense of discretion. I was so startled, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted, "OH MY GOSH, HOW DID I GET IN HERE???!!!!"

All three men kept peeing and had their necks totally craned around, staring at me. One was looking at me with eyes wide as saucers shrugging his shoulders as if to say, "I don't know psycho lady, you probably just walked in here like we did and now you're screaming like an idiot..."

I ran out the door as fast as I could with my head down.
Of course I didn't even stay to wash my hands. Heavens no! (Thank God for hand sanitizer...)
I ran past the people sitting in the hallway.
Past the book displays.
Past the jars of jelly and sticky buns.
I haven't ran that fast since it was field day in elementary school!!!

My hands were shaking. (And they were still unwashed.) I ran to my husband in the foyer and buried my head in his chest and said, "Oh my gosh Larry!!! I just did a horribly embarrassing thing and...and...and...oh my gosh, how am I going to go inside the restaurant after THIS?!! After this!!!!  

"Calm down," he said. "What's going on?"

I told him.

"What were you thinking?" he said. 

"I know," I said. "I wasn't thinking, that's the point. My mind wasn't in that restroom. I was just focused on all the other stuff."

So with my head still nestled into my husband's chest, I said, "I hope they were getting ready to leave! I hope they already ate and are just using the men's room on the way out.  I  can't bear the thought of having to sit in here and eat in the same room with them after I just made a complete fool of myself. And I can't just leave because we have a church event."

"It will be okay, it will all be okay" he said, soothingly.

As soon as he said that, out of the corner of my eye I saw three men walking by...

After they passed us, I glanced up and I noticed it was the three men from the restroom. They were leaving the restaurant, talking and laughing amongst themselves. They were probably laughing about me. Face it, this is not paranoia.I'm sure they will laugh about their encounter with "psycho woman in the bathroom" for years to come.

MERCY!!!

I pulled out my hand sanitizer from my purse and said, "Larry, the moral of this story is, no matter how many issues you have to solve don't lose the presence of mind to actually take notice of your surroundings."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said. 


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