Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Why some kid's brains don't develop properly


"Mom, I need to talk to you..." or "Mom, I need something..." is always followed by this reply from me:

"It'll cost you."

And they know exactly what the price will be.

The cost is always a hug or a kiss and depending on the day I may even require a whole bunch of them before I do or say anything.

Yes, I expect this even though they are 22, 21, and 15.  The majority of the time they love it. When they are running late or pre-occupied they sometimes don't. But too bad. ;)  I expect this from them every single day, and I get what I'm expecting.

Sometimes during the teenage years the kids pull a way a bit but I've learned that's the time that a parent should never back off from appropriate affection. They need it more than ever.
 
Children need loving and affirming touch. In fact, they need it not only to survive, but to be healthy. Studies have shown  that babies who receive a mother's affection  have less anxiety, hostility and general distress. The same studies show that maternal affection has a critical long-range impact on mental health and emotional coping skills. One study shows that a mother's affection toward a child actually helps their brain develop!

A mother's loving touch never goes out of style throughout the seasons of a child's life.

Giving affection to infants seems natural to most, whether boys or girls. It doesn't seem odd or awkward to lavish our affection on a little baby. But when the "baby" gets taller than you, and he starts to shave, many Moms may be tempted to think the affection is not only unneeded and awkward.  The truth is, it is needed no matter how awkward you may feel.


Show them affection even if they seem to be indifferent.
Hug them even when they have been disobedient.
Reach out to them no matter what message they are sending to you outwardly.

I've heard parents say, "you know, I'm just not a huggy person."

Here's a word for you today:  GET OVER YOURSELF.

It's not about you.

Being a parent is not all about what's good for you, what's comfortable for you, or what fits your personality.

 If this doesn't come naturally to you, ask God to help you do all you can to develop it for the health of your family relationships.

2 comments:

Michele said...

so true- God has blessed me with a son who is affectionate even though he was not giving that when he was born- much of the time those that are foster care often miss out on the affection of a parent- so glad God allowed my son to be affectionate even with his early circumstances

Melissa said...

Hugs are definitely needed! Gosh I know there are many times I need a hug from my Mommy and Daddy too! Raising an autistic son has been a challenge in that aspect. When he was a baby all he wanted to do was snuggle and be as close as he could be to me. When everything started changing it was the first thing I noticed! He did not want to be touched. It didn't stop his momma, I knew he needed to be held tight and hugged often. When we got the diagnosis at age 5 1/2 everything made sense and his therapist said because I did hold him, hugged him and even rocked him to sleep many times against his will that it kept him in "our world" and not his own. I am thankful I did what I knew he needed and not what he was wanted. Had I done what he wanted he might not be as social as he is today! Tomorrow he turns 10 and the first thing he will get is a great big Birthday hug! :)