Thursday, March 15, 2012

Lies Women Believe About Abuse and Truth That Sets Them Free
Guest Post: Elise Damaris, M.A.

Elise Damaris is another lady I met on my speaking travels and I was immediately impacted by her. She shared some truth that set me free forever. But that's another blog post. :)  Elise is a licensed professional Christian counselor who specializes in inner healing and has helped countless victims of abuse. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published. 


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Being in a physically abusive situation at the age of 19, I was quick to find a way out once I was pregnant and my unborn child was in danger. Others aren't so quick to recognize the danger for themselves or their children.

As a licensed professional counselor, I worked with a woman who came in with broken ribs, broken fingers and a multitude of bruises, yet she refused to leave. Her son had become a teenager and was now treating her in the same abusive way as her husband. Why would someone stay when the pain and continued threat was ever present?

There are many reasons we stay in an abusive situation and almost all of them have to do with what we believe about our self or our situation.

We believe:

  • He will hurt us or even worse – kill us!
  • I can't support myself or my children.
  • I can take it and he doesn't hurt the children.
  • It is my fault, if I didn't push his buttons he wouldn't get so mad.
  • He doesn't really mean to – he really loves me.
  • God hates divorce – it would be against God's will

So the key is to just change what we believe, right?

Important TRUTHS to know:


  • There are safe shelters – find them!
  • You can find support and help for your children. 
  • His abuse towards you teaches your children to repeat the pattern as they take on your fear or his anger. 
  • His abuse/anger is his issue, only he can deal with it.
  • If he truly loved and cared about you, he would get help. 
  • God has a plan for you and wants you free from the darkness of anger and abuse.

I would desire that you would know that you can support yourself, that you are a loving, caring person, that God truly loves you and all that God thinks about you is good and kind.

I would want you to know that you are not at fault and God will walk with you no matter what choices you make.


And above all, I would want you to be safe. For when you are in an abusive situation, survival is your priority. Until you are safe, you, yourself are not able to freely love and support those around you.

So push through those lies that say it is not that bad. Release your husband to God, and let God help him.

Find the way out, for God has a plan for you and it isn't to be held captive.



Elise Damaris, M.A., has her Masters degree in counseling and is a Licensed Pastoral Counselor with the Merry Heart Guidance Center in Oklahoma City, OK. She has three children and ten grandchildren. When she's not counseling or spending every moment she can with her grandchildren, she loves sewing and gardening.

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