yesterday's post received a lot of feedback about people who try to use guilt and manipulation in their facebook status posts.
Concerning vaguebooking my friend Jennifer Tatum has a strategy she calls "counter-vague". When anyone posts a vague status she comments with something equally vague. For instance if they post, "Just not sure anymore..." she might post, "so much to think about..." in response. She gave me this counter-vague idea so I tried it out. I started posting equally vague comments just like that to people's vague statuses. One friend posted, "Weird!" so I countered by posting, "Unbelievably!" Another friend posted, "Just not sure anymore...." I countered by posting, "Come what may..." Most people responded with "what?" or just ignored me and kept up their vaguebooking.
Then I had an idea that when people posted manipulating or guilt-tripping vague statuses, I would use my unique brand of humor to counter it. Here are some examples:
Vaguebook tripper: "Really wish I could spend Christmas with certain people..."
Me: "Please don't call the personal escort service again. You know it ended badly the last time and it's almost time to get your ankle bracelet removed."
Vaguebook tripper: "Wishing..."
Me: "I'm sorry the push up from Victoria's Secret didn't bring the results hoped for. Kleenex works in a pinch but please don't reveal the source of this wisdom."
Vaguebook tripper: "So hurt."
Me: "I understand. Preparation H only does so much to help me too."
Vaguebook tripper: "Why? I just don't understand."
Me: "I know. A lot of people are confused about whether Lady Gaga is a man or a woman. Just give your confusion over to the Lord and be at peace."
Vaguebook tripper: "Why do some people thrive on hurting others?"
Me: "My husband asked me this just the other day when we got in an argument and I locked him in the closet. Thanks for the reminder, I need to go check on him..."
Vaguebook tripper: "What's a family for anyway?"
Me: "It makes for great tax breaks. At least that's why I kept having kids...others have their own reasons I'm sure."
Vaguebook tripper: "Please somebody just wake me up when Christmas is over..."
Me: "Will the guy you've been sleeping with not be available that day to wake you up? I'll try to remember to set a reminder on my phone to call you and wake you up."
Vaguebook tripper: "Might just be done with it all..."
Me: "I know. I left MySpace a long time ago too. So lame."
Vaguebook tripper: "Can't handle this, I'm checking out..."
Me: "Can I have first dibs on your shoe collection?"
Vaguebook tripper: "Heaven can't wait any longer."
Me: "Thanks for the idea...this is going to make for a great Southern Gospel song lyric..."
This tactic didn't go over too well. :)
So seriously...what DID happen when I have responded to people's vague statuses in a specific, straight-to-the-point way in an effort to understand? I'll tell you tomorrow once you've stopped cry-laughing.