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My love/hate relationship with the phone and other ramblings

Yesterday on Fun Friday I had lunch with a friend and then I almost had my husband all to myself for a few precious hours of time.  Except for the constant interruptions of my husband's phone it was the PERFECT day. 

We were involved in deep, amazing, intimate conversation and within the first fifteen minutes, his cell phone rang FOUR times, with four DIFFERENT individuals calling.  And it continued several times through the night.  This is not uncommon, in fact it happens every time we spend any time together.  Every single time!!!  If they had cell phones back before we had kids, it's doubtful we would have ended up with any children. The phone would have interrupted us from conceiving every time.  I might have had to get artificial insemination if I ever wanted to become a mother, due to my husband's cell phonus interruptus.   You think I'm kidding?  I really am not exaggerating that every time we have a conversation or go anywhere or do anything for an hour or two, (unless it's after midnight)  his cell phone is going to ring at least twice, probably three times, and it has rang as many as 10 times.  For Christmas next year I'm contemplating asking him for a coupon book  for "Ten Uninterrupted Conversations".

He always answers when it's the kids and I understand that - I do too.  But for anyone else I believe it should wait.  I think he picks up because he doesn't like returning calls.  In fact he hates returning calls and he dislikes making a call  (initiating it himself) just as much.  Answering his phone every time when we're doing something special makes for choppy, disjointed conversation between him and I.   There are times I want to take it and smash it to smithereens. [The phone, not him.]  

Disclaimer here -- I do realize part of ministry life is a ringing phone.  I accept that.  It  does come with the territory of pastoring however I also think there's a time and place for it to be shut off for brief periods of time for a respite, especially on one's day off -- which yesterday was our day off.  

I'm really looking forward to the cruise we're going on [that our church gave us for pastor appreciation] coming up in a few months because we won't have cell phone service there.  Some people have asked me if I'm excited about the the excursions, the buffets, the entertainment.  Well  yes, but quite honestly I'm most excited about the fact that there won't be phones.  I'm leaving mine at home.  I was hoping he would too but he's taking it because he said someone might be trying to reach him on his way there or on his way home.  [sigh]  But while we are on the ship the individuals who normally call my husband will have to find someone else to call.  By the way, none of these calls I refer to are emergencies.  They are all just everyday church related business and stuff like that.

The title of this post is "my love/hate relationship with the phone."  You're not feeling the love.  I can sense it.

I do love my new [6 month old] iphone  for everything but talking on the phone.  Larry asked me back in the summertime if I wanted an iphone for my birthday.  I'm pretty conservative when it comes to spending and just didn't think it was justified.  I also am not crazy about talking on the phone so why would I have wanted him to make this investment?   I told him, "please don't spend all that money on a phone..."  And he listened to me and didn't.  However he told his mother what I said and being that my mother in law adores me more than  fat kid loves chocolate cake, she thought I deserved an iphone.  She ordered  a phone and had it sent to me direct as a gift for my birthday in August.  She thinks I'm a Pentecostal Mother Teresa or something and wants me to have this and much, much more. I know, I know, 24 years of marriage to her son and she's still snowed.  She thinks I'm perfect, at least perfect for her son and as the mother of her grandchildren.  And no she does not have dementia, amnesia,alzheimers or any signs of mental instability or anything like that  She is just clueless about all my flaws.

Now that I have the iphone, I love it.  I can check my mail, track my weight watcher points, read my kindle, blog, read blogs, check the weather report in all my favorite places in the world, (every day I look at Tampa, Nairobi, Baltimore and Pittsburgh) take pictures and a host of other things - when I'm not sharing special time with my man.  He topped my new phone off with a case for it for Christmas - it's perfect for me because it's pink and black in zebra rhinestones.  So yes, I'm smitten with this phone when I look at it's shiny bling and I see that it's 68 degrees in Nairobi right now and it tells me that Smuckers Sugar Free Hot Fudge is 1 point per tablespoon.  But when it rings and somebody is on the other end it makes me want to cover my head with a pillow and scream or eat a whole bag of Cheetos.

In related news, my mother in law also shocked me beyond belief by giving me a Coach handbag for Christmas.  That's another thing I would have never bought for myself.   I shop at Ross and Bealls Outlet, and thrift stores...not Coach.  I don't think I've ever had a purse worth more than $30.  But she thinks I should have this extravagant purse.  At least to me it's extravagant.  I am very humbled by this.   I really thought of selling it and using the money for a missions trip but I know she'd be hurt.  She would still think I deserve this purse for some odd reason and probably go out and buy me another Coach purse or something else that you might need to dip into your 401K or get a loan for, so I just didn't.  My MIL is not wealthy, by the way...on the contrary she just sacrifices and does things like this for those she loves which is, well...really amazing and as I said before, humbling.

It's been a long time since I've written a rambling blog post like this so maybe it was overdue, or maybe it was really stupid.  Don't worry, I rarely post things like this.  I won't again for a long time.  Some of you are so grateful because you don't really want to hear about my husband's phone answering issues or the fact that my mother in law worships me.  You want me to go back to blogging about thermostats and thermometers or give a recipe for hash browned casseroles.  I sense it. 

If there is a really bad response to this I can blame it on taking Tylenol PM before bed while I was blogging.  Or I could blame it on peri-menopause.  Or seasonal affective disorder.  Oh yeah, we live in Florida...that won't work.  Or mid-life crisis.  Or PWSS (pastor's wives stress syndrome) Or PWADD (pastor's wife attention deficit disorder) or PTSD (phone traumatic stress disorder).  There's got to be something else to blame this on other than my reckless posting at 3:16 am.  Oh wait...I'm posting at 3:16 AM!  There's the excuse.  LSPD (Lack of sleep posting disorder).  Now that the proper excuse has been located in case the comment thread goes amok...

 I'm thinking about designing a phone app that will disable another person's phone while you're talking to them so you can have their undivided attention.  I'm the type of person who likes to have people's undivided attention and look right into their eyes while we talk.   Especially my husband.  I love the man so much...nothing pleases me more than looking into his eyes and having good conversation.  Well, almost

I'm so excited for this upcoming cruise.  I'm going to have Larry to myself for a week straight, with no phone.   This is going to be so fun!!!

I'm glad some of you will get to read this before Larry says, "goodness gracious Deanna, that was really a bit over the top !  Delete it, for heaven's sake!"  Maybe if he does I should say, "have your people call my people, and we'll talk about it..."  Bahahahahahahahaha  [laughing now while I can...]



Michele said…
You crack me up- I love your ramblings- and tell PL to put the phone down and back away on your day off :) Love you guys
Lol! Another post that deepens my love and admiration!
Melissa said…
I'm with Michele and Lisa on this one! Got my morning chuckle. :) Love it when you ramble, hehe.
Excellent post :)
PS - There is a REALLY big ocean you go on when you take a cruise - just a thought but MAYBE you could hand him the phone while he's standing by the railing and MAYBE just bump into him and MAYBE you can delight while the phone plunges in the deep dark depths of the sea :) Just make sure you hold onto him so he doesn't dive in after it ....
Sharon said…
This is wonderful, Deanna!
Anonymous said…
Oh my word, you crack me up!!! I love reading your ramblings :-) Blessings!

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