Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Does it ever get any easier?

I have been back on the journey to wellness for a while now. This is not a new year's resolution.  I knew way before the new year that I needed to make some big changes to not only get back to where I need to be, but beyond where I used to be.  One reason I committed to this before the holidays ever came was because I knew Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year would pack at least another 10 lbs onto me and take me even further down a spiral I didn't need to be going on.  I needed to get a grip on things before then.  So, I did.

How's it going?  Very slow, but steady.  I'm learning that once you hit 40, it's harder than it was before.  It's like the weight goes off of you kicking and screaming, pulling to stay on you like a toddler in the candy aisle.  It's so frustrating at times but I'm just determined to not let it keep it's monstrous hold on me.  

I don't really talk about it a lot (and really haven't blogged about it at all) even to my husband, but he just sees day to day the steady plodding I do in this regard.  And I'm sure he knows how much of a struggle it is, because he knows me.  One night a few weeks ago we were going to sleep and as I laid there in the dark closing my eyes to go to sleep I felt his hand laying across my back and he just gently said, "does it ever get any easier for you?"

"Not really," I said.

He pressed me a little further to see what I meant by that and I just explained that I realize from past experience, this doesn't get any easier even when I've reached my goals.  This is one of my weaknesses and I've accepted it probably always will be unless God does a miracle.

We all have weaknesses -- this happens to be one of mine.  A weakness isn't an excuse to accept bad behavior.  It's simply an opportunity for growth.  

I refuse to rationalize my weaknesses.  We have the Holy Spirit to help us and are never alone in our weaknesses.  I will not give up.  The fact that it never gets any easier isn't an acceptable reason to give in.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  II Corinthians 12:9-11

6 comments:

Julie said...

That was exactly what I needed to hear! It always makes it a little easier for me when I see that I'm not the only person struggling and that we all have our weaknesses. Love you! Your amazing!

Deanna said...

Thanks Julie. You are not alone. Love you too

Pastor Lisa said...

PD, you already know. Thanks for this post. Love you bunches.

Ruth said...

Same struggle...since birth. I've stopped trying to count calories and just focus on the health. I've seen some change, but as you say, it is soooo slooooow. Thank you for your raw honesty. You've made all of us feel we are not alone! Love to you, today!

Lily said...

You and I are in the same frustrating struggle. Thank you for sharing.

pastorleanne said...

Ugh. Right there with you!

Part of the reason my husband and I are doing a Daniel-type fast this month is to get our weight under control and ask God to help us in it...so you can imagine our dismay when the man doing a teaching on fasting at our church said, "If you're doing this to lose weight, you're doing it for the wrong reasons." We understood that he meant fasting is not to take off vanity pounds, but honestly?

People who have never struggled with their weight do not comprehend that weight loss is not just a physical issue - it's a spiritual and emotional one. It's not always a matter of, "just stop eating!" Gee, why didn't I think of that? GRRR....

We are doing great so far, but it is not a NATURAL thing, by any means. It's careful planning, day-to-day, and never letting down your guard. And it is not easy.

You are definitely not alone!!!