Skip to main content

Dear Pastor Deanna...

The following is a letter (names/locations changed)  from a young adult pastor's son that came to my inbox  in response to Tuesday's blog post.  I'm sharing it with his permission, taking identifying details out.  This note is one of many that arrived, from PK's, PW's, and Pastors, all sharing their experiences and just wanting somebody to listen.  I got letters from pastor's kids who had been physically and emotionally abused by church members, PW's sharing about their emotionally scarred PK's who want nothing to do with the church and are currently prodigals, others who just wanted somebody to pray who has been in their shoes.  My heart goes out...

Dear Pastor Deanna:

I just read your PK post, and then the one you linked with your son Dustin's essay. I started getting really emotional.  It was like everything came flooding back from the church my parents pastored when we lived in Detroit, and some of the (much rarer) psychotic experiences in Columbus. This is an issue that needs a LOT more exposure.

It's just crazy to think about some of the experiences I have sort of blocked out like Dustin described, I thank God that my siblings haven't gone through it as bad, (although, my next oldest brother probably got a pretty good dose). You know, when you're a young kid, your parents are kind of like God to you, they know EVERYTHING, right from wrong, never make mistakes, and are your whole source of life, then to have people in church, (where kids are supposed to feel safe) just be verbally assaulted and hear their parents be slandered, it's incredibly traumatic. I remember my best friend's Dad coming up to me in the foyer after church when I was 16, he started screaming at me, "you're dad is a f'ing liar and spewing lies from f'ing satan, your mom is practicing witchcraft!...." and so forth.   Who else deals with that level of chaos except maybe the President's kids?!

I would never put my kids in a Christian school.   I grew up thinking I was a horrible kid from around the ages of 10-15 because of that school in Detroit. I used to beg my dad every single year to let me go to public school, I would DREAM about being able to go to public, school. I remember when I first came to that school the principal, had me and some of the other kids in his office and had a paddle in their for corporal punishment.   I was 11! I asked him "what's that for?" He said, "turn around and put your hands on that chair." I nervously did so thinking we were joking around, and he then hit me with it HARD. I mean, I've been spanked a lot growing up and this was not a light joke of a tap, it was extremely hard. Then he just laughed at me! I was humiliated in front of all these other kids and it actually hurt REALLY bad, I remember running out to the back of the building and crying on the swing set! I got detention and demerits non-stop in that school, and I think it really contributed to me having a very rebellious attitude during those years.

Okay, I just wanted to vent for a second. thanks for writing this blog.

Love,
Josh

Let's lift up ministry families everywhere, for peace, healing and God's power.  They serve on the frontlines and need our support, never our criticism.

Comments

Anonymous said…
My husband's siblings, who were older than him- have a million stories about growing up PKs... Later, his parents became missionaries overseas- he has similar stories to which you describe... He tells of evangelists calling him out by name to come forth and repent- in front of large crowds of people... he tells stories of gossip destroying churches...

In the end, however, I think his experiences have helped him understand others and truly understand the heart of Christ.

Popular posts from this blog

This Could Have Ruined Everything... (But It Didn't!)

 No one would ever guess what happened to me this weekend in Jacksonville, Florida...so I'm going to tell you. :) As I was preaching at the Fearless Tour at New Hope Assembly of God this weekend,  I got choked up, literally. For probably 2-3 minutes I coughed profusely and greatly struggled. Then I drank some water and kept preaching. Everyone was gracious to give me a few moments to get my bearings. If you were there, you'll remember it! What no one realized at the time was that I swallowed a bug that flew right in while I was preaching! So disgusting! I said nothing because I was at a point in the sermon where I was really connecting and I knew if I said, "I swallowed a bug," everyone would either laugh profusely or be really concerned, or start feeling sorry for me.  And at that point whey wouldn't be thinking about the message anymore, but the fact that I had just swallowed a bug. They would then imagine what it would be like, and feel grossed out which

I'm Just Being Transparent...

This year at the Stronger Conference, a young minister stopped me as I was walking out of the room at the conclusion of a workshop and she said, "I want to tell you something..." (I was all ears.) She said, "Do you notice how many of the speakers this weekend are saying, "Now, I'm just being transparent when I tell you..." or "I'm just keepin' it real..." I nodded yes. In fact, I mentioned that I was one of those speakers. I think I probably said a few times in both my keynote message and my workshop that I was just "keepin' it real." After I affirmed that yes, I had noticed that -- she said, "Do you know why they have to do that? They do it...and you do it, because so many people don't keep it real. So many in leadership aren't transparent, Deanna. That's why all these people speaking here feel an urge to declare their transparency.." I let her know that usually when I say, "I'm just kee

Relevant Church doing something...

incredibly RELEVANT!

I just heard some news today that really inspired me. A church here in Tampa, Relevant Church is doing a new thing this month called the "30 Days Sex Challenge." (I've never visited the church but Pastor Trinity - our children's pastor - has visited or has met some people from this church and he was very impressed.) Realizing that this is a major element missing from some marriages (the frequency factor) their lead pastor, Paul Wirth, has issued a challenge for all the married couples to have sex for 30 days in a row. At the same time he has issued a challenge for all unmarrieds to completely abstain from sex. Of course we know the Bible says that those who are unmarried should not have sex in the first place but the point is, a lot of unmarried's aren't obeying the Lord's command to abstain and this is just one pastor's way of trying to get them to see that indeed, there is a better way! (God's way!) At the same time, many married couples are no