Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Bite away!

If you are the object of backbiting, get excited!  In fact if somebody is backbiting you will you just stop reading this for a minute, lift up your hands and SHOUT!!! 

I could have said, "if you are the "victim" of backbiting but the truth is, YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM, YOU ARE A VICTOR!

If you are experiencing backbiting, please think about the fact that you're in front!  That's why I told you to shout -- because you have something to be excited about.  For someone to bite your back they have to be behind you.  That's right, this means you are ahead and they are behind.   You are further along than they are if they are biting your back.

There are times I've been discouraged when someone is talking trash about me and my wise husband has always encouraged me by saying that people who do this have no choice but to talk about me because they can't keep up with me!  I'm too busy making a difference in the world and have whizzed by and they are trying without success to keep up.  The majority of people who talk about people who are actually accomplishing something are so lazy all they can do is talk because they don't have the fortitude to get off their blessed assurances to do anything that's actually making a difference.

When someone is trying to backbite me, I think to myself, "you wish you had my life."

That's the core of why most backbiters do what they do...jealousy.  You've got something, and they don't.  They could have had it but they didn't want to pay the price for it.  There's a reason the Bible says that jealousy is as cruel as the grave.  (Song of Solmon 8:6)  Jealousy causes people to say the stupidest things and create the most unreasonable arguments.  I have heard some crazy things all because people covet another's life or lifestyle.  Keep in mind they have no idea just what people went through to create their life.  Or perhaps they DO know but were just unwilling to walk that difficult road to get there.  They want the glory without the story.  Let me tell you I've had to pay a high price to grow and maintain the marriage I have, the children I've raised, the ministry road I've walked and the home we have.  It has taken an incredible amount of blood, sweat and tears.  And it's that way with every person of God I know who has done something.

If somebody's trying to bite your back today please stop for a minute and think about the fact that they wouldn't be wasting all this energy unless you really had something desirable that they are real  upset about  and wish they had for themselves.  If these miserable people let out the pain that was in their hearts in an appropriate fashion instead of backbiting, it would look something like this:

They would come to the altar.  You would come forward and put an arm around them to pray for them (because that's what you do - you're the Godly one, remember?)   As you begin praying for them they would then say something like this:

"Please pray for me.  I'm miserable.  I've screwed up.  I have so many issues in my life.   My kids are messed up.  One look at their facebook will tell you that.  I don't have a job or even a decent reference at this point but really that's my fault because I haven't been diligent.  In fact, I looked for ways to get out of work and just made myself  "look busy" when I was really a total sluggard instead of asking my former boss what more I could do to help.  I haven't really put forth an honest effort in most areas of my life.  Instead,  I looked for opportunities to talk about people like you or your family to try to make myself look better.   I wish I had open doors in ministry but the truth is, I never put forth any effort and expected it all to come to me.  Most of all I've been a slacker spiritually.   I'm so unhappy and I know it's my own sin problem.  I want to repent right now to God and to you, for all the times I've backbitten you instead of looking at my own issues.  Please forgive me and believe with me for God to do a new work in my life."

How many times does the above scenario happen?  Not many.  In most cases stubborn people like this continue to backbite and try to make it all about you to take the focus off of them.  Don't let it get to you.  Realize it's not about you.  It's all about them.  So let them bite and go on with your successful self.

8 comments:

Ruth said...

Another great word, Deanna! I wonder if the backbiters are truely children of God. Or if satan is using their insecurities to discourage and destroy from within. I don't know, but I do know that none of it is from God. But God can use it to make us stronger. When this junk starts to happen I think that I must be doing something right, or God is about to greatly move. God does not destroy His own work! There will always be backbiters. I divide the groups like this: "The Doers" and "The Do Nothings." Keep up the good work, Sistah Doer!! :)

Anonymous said...

Just because someone is "backbiting" you, it does NOT mean they want your life. Trust me.

Pastor Melissa said...

Dealing with some of this right now PD, lol. I just found out that when a certain group of folk get together (family & members) for a gather I almost always end up being the center of their conversation, hahaha - too funny!

My response was, "Oh wow, I didnt realize how SPECIAL I WAS!"

Thanks for this, it is a great message to help me deal with this backbiting.

Deanna said...

Anon, you sound like an experienced backbiter. (It's especially easy to do anonymously - that's one of an experienced backbiters favorite tools.) I'm aware there are a lot of motivations for backbiting, jealousy just being one of the main ones but you're certainly right, there are other ill motivations but one thing I do know for sure is that there's never, ever a healthy one.

Deanna said...

And for my friends Ruth and Melissa...

Ruth, I agree with all your insights here...in some cases they are not really believers - in others they are but are being used by the enemy and don't even realize it. Sad. Like you, I also gage what God is about to do by how much I may being attacked bc I know the enemy doesn't lay down and allow anything without a fight.

Melissa,what small lives those people must have. Girl, you are special. Glad to be of help and speak a word of life today...love ya

Deanna said...

Pastor Melissa, Cassandra Stafford (who I believe you know from PPN) sent me this today: "Those who attack you have found you more interesting than their own future." Goes perfectly with what you just described is happening to you...one thing for sure, when people sit around and talk about their pastor in that light (or their former pastors)their destiny is greatly affected.

Melissa said...

Timely, very timely! Gotta afew backbiters we are dealing with as well. Goodness, you would think they could at least find some truth in what they say! I am finding those that backbite the most are those as Ruth calls "Do Nothings" they want to complain and yet not be the solution! Thank you Jesus that my future is forward in You and not backwards where the yuck is!

Candy said...

girlfriend your on a role!!! Love how you addressed the anonymous. Most people who comment and hide while they do it seem suspicious to me. If you got the guts to say something at least find the hmmmm (guts) to say it with face. Love your illustration and advice. CAN WE SAY WISE WOMAN!! God Will tear down those fake balconies they try to set up, and don't allow them to speak into your life. That's what they want is to have something wise to speak but they are so sadly empty slander is all they have. CLANG CLANG! Lot's of noise with no substance or truth!