Skip to main content

What To Do First to Make a Profit

The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat  ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're  not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director.  Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year.  God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started inve

It's just not workin' for them

Many times I've come across women who are very dogmatic about laying down their identity, goals and desires for the man they are married to.  (The man becomes their identity, goal and desire.)  Or they are strong believers in the whole, "my husband leads me in my walk with God" way of thought.  There are countless sermons or articles supporting this view and many well known and respected ministries teach this.

 For a long time I've believed that good marriages exist with a foundation of mutual respect, and each person keeping the other's dreams, goals and desires as important as their very own.  There are shared goals and dreams, of course.  But there are also personal ones, and I do not believe a marriage license automatically means you abandon them.  Dr. Stephen Betchen , marriage therapist says, ""You need to maintain appropriate boundaries, allow each other a sense of individuality and independence. Support each other's hopes and dreams."

 Before we are a wife, we are a daughter of God.  We are God's and God's alone and have to answer to Him as individuals.   When you stand before God in heaven, your spouse will not stand with you.  So you better know what you believe and have your own thing going on with God.  You can't go to heaven on your spouse's coat tails any more than you could get there tied to your mama's apron strings. 

I can pick up my Bible all by myself, and it's a good thing.  I have my own hotline to God.  I don't go through anyone else to get to Him, including my husband.

Thankfully I'm married to somebody who believes the same and in fact when we wrote our marriage vows, that's part of exactly what he said to me:  "Deanna, knowing that Christ is first in your life I will fulfill my role as your second love.  I will also keep your dreams and desires as important as my very own."  To me, back then, it was just a no brainer that of course I would have a husband that would do that.  But the longer I live and the more I notice people around me I see that it's a rare thing.  I have friends whose husbands are the same way mine is but they are few and far between.  He also respects the fact that I can hear from God all on my own and don't need him to be my prophet, priest or king.   (I recently heard a pastor's wife introduce her husband before he preached and she said, "And now I want to introduce you to my King..." and I thought I would just throw up...really, it wasn't endearing in fact to me it was kind of SCARY.)  Anyway...

Here's what I'm noticing!  It's a fascinating thing I've been discovering.  When I look at these marriages up close and personal, I am noticing a starling thing.   In most of these marriages there has been a moral failure somewhere in their past or in some cases a complete breakdown and divorce.  If they divorce of course, everyone knows it.  But lately I've had an insider peek into the private lives of some couples lives who are not divorced but have significant failures in their past.  Many of the marriages that subscribe to this type of thinking or lifestyle have affairs, porn addiction, and other toxic behaviors on the part of the husband.  The other day I started just mentally filing through all the people I know who hold these beliefs who also have or have had serious issues, and told Larry I have to believe there's a connection!  He agrees with me.  And all I wanna say to this is, "how much longer are some people gonna live that way before they see it's just not workin' for them?"

Larry is my best friend, partner, lover.  However he IS NOT:

  • My Savior.
  • The one who directs my spiritual journey.
  • My hotline to God.
  • Someone I am expected to abandon my God given identity, life goals, dreams and desires for.
  • Someone I need to protect me from "outside forces".  (Yes, I've actually heard that.  FYI folks, I married Larry Shrodes, not Jim Jones or David Koresh.)
Even soft patriarchy slides ever so quickly  into abuse.   Control or abuse may initially be disguised as care or concern.  I also believe that when a wife subscribes to this way of thinking or lifestyle it causes her husband to think less of her.  We teach people how to treat us, and instead of this mindset endearing you to a man I think it creates an atmosphere of disrespect.

It would be one thing if I saw testimonial to the fact that this lifestyle or mindset was working for a majority of people but the fact is with the lion's share of them there are just too many skeletons in the closet for me to buy it.


Leanne said…
Sending you major kudos and high-fives from halfway across the country!!! The sad thing is, when women finally realize that this life isn't working for them, they will abandon their faith, because to them patriarchy = Jesus. A prime example of the Pharisees gaining a convert and making them twice as fit for hell as they are themselves. The patriarchal mindset is not only wrong - it's dangerous!!!
Hi Deanna

I really enjoyed this article...

Should you be interested I have recently started blogging (from S.A.)


Leanne, it is so ingrained with so many out there, (we re blessed that the AG at least on paper and with our top execs doesn't believe it) but other denoms, they do on paper and in practice. And, as far as the church folks go it doesn't make it easy that major ministries across the country have conferences and even "romantic weekends away with your spouse" that are designed for nothing but bringing patriarchy more into vogue than it is now. I know I'm preaching to the choir here...
Thanks Suzette, I'll check it out!

Popular posts from this blog

Some people will never understand this...

And that's okay. Just let us be as we lavish love upon the fur-kids of the world. It doesn't mean we don't care about people. We do care. In fact most of the people I know who are great pet lovers are also the greatest philanthropists. If you're not a dog lover, you might not understand the overwhelming intensity that many of us felt about Tank's reunion this past week. You might think we've lost our marbles. That's okay, we think you've lost your heart. ;)  Before I go on with this post, let me say that we were delighted that CBS 10 posted the video and article about Tank and his Celebration Church reunion yesterday. Click here to watch it. (But then come back!) If you haven't realized it, there is a revolution in America about dogs. Dogs have always been loved and known as the most loyal companions ~ "man's best friend". But things have gone way beyond this. Dogs aren't just dogs or friends anymore. They are family me

Fifty Shades of No Way

This weekend, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie will be released and millions of women are expected to flock to the theat er s.  I will not be one of those women.   As a leader of women , some have asked me about this movie. The following is my thoughtful response. Fifty Shades of Grey has topped best-seller lists around the world. The book series has sold over 100 million copies worldwide, and been translated into 52 languages. It set the record as the fastest-selling paperback of all time.   Is Fifty Shades of Grey just a harmless book or movie? Although n o one seems to be debating this fact, let’s first establish that it’s pornography.  And not just porn, but a genre that is even more dangerous for women. The book glorifies a female character that is controlled and abused by her partner.   Who is excited about this book and mov ie? Hmmmm….you might be surprised. Many women and girls in our churches have read it. Sadly, I am even aware of

Relevant Church doing something...

incredibly RELEVANT!

I just heard some news today that really inspired me. A church here in Tampa, Relevant Church is doing a new thing this month called the "30 Days Sex Challenge." (I've never visited the church but Pastor Trinity - our children's pastor - has visited or has met some people from this church and he was very impressed.) Realizing that this is a major element missing from some marriages (the frequency factor) their lead pastor, Paul Wirth, has issued a challenge for all the married couples to have sex for 30 days in a row. At the same time he has issued a challenge for all unmarrieds to completely abstain from sex. Of course we know the Bible says that those who are unmarried should not have sex in the first place but the point is, a lot of unmarried's aren't obeying the Lord's command to abstain and this is just one pastor's way of trying to get them to see that indeed, there is a better way! (God's way!) At the same time, many married couples are not