Friday, September 18, 2009

Your resident queen of TMI is here...


I am leaving at the crack of dawn this morning to go to speak today and tomorrow at the All Church Ministries Conference in Lakeland, FL.  The topic I've been assigned to teach on is..."Me, My Husband, God & Sex" subtitle:  "The Sexually Confident Woman." 

 I love to teach on a wide variety of subjects, but a  great deal  of the time I get asked to speak on this, in many different venues, and Larry and I do marriage conferences together.   I have written a book on this subject, (The Intimate Woman) however, I've also written a ton of other stuff.  But, people just eat up the sex message.   They devour it like candy and ask for it over and over.  Go figure!  You would almost think God Himself thought up this whole sex idea...hhhmmm amazing.

So the year before last when they asked me to teach, I inquired about whether another topic would be possible and spoke on time management and mentoring.  I was just ready for a change.  It gets tiring being know as "the sex lady, literally and figuratively.    You really know you are making quite a name for yourself teaching on this subject when you have strangers come up to you in public places months or years later and tell you  "since I attended your seminar last year I finally experienced [you fill in the blank here]."  Two years ago when I preached at the Inspire Conference in Orlando, a woman came running up and said, "Let me show you what you're responsible for!!!" and she proceeded to take a photo out of her purse and wave it at me...of a newborn baby.  Wow, to think that I'm responsible...lol 

 A while back when I was teaching a women's workshop I made a statement about white women being careful about wearing white  underwear because it tends to just make us look pasty and gross pale and unattractive.  One day years ago I was standing in our room getting dressed and wearing white undergarments and my husband said, "don't take this wrong but I really don't like how the white underwear looks and think you'd look so much better in black or red."  After I stopped throwing pillows and everything on my dresser at him  got over the shock, I discovered he was right and started wearing dark colors most of the time.  Unless you are a black or latino woman (or are white with at least a base tan) you might look sort of like one of the characters from Twilight in your white unmentionables.  Scary.  It's just the truth and my husband was brave enough to risk his life and  finally tell me this.

 So there I was at this conference, recommending colors of undergarments based upon one's skin tone so as to accentuate the positive and the women just seemed to love the suggestions.   Fast forward about a year later when I was speaking at another conference and my assistant and I were in the elevator of  the hotel, getting ready to check into our room.  A little old short pasty white lady we didn't recognize got on at one of the floors and seeing it was me on the elevator  turned and  suddenly exclaimed, "Hey!  I've stopped wearing white panties!"  No, "hey, are you Deanna Shrodes?'  Or, "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Granny Clampett Helen Jones, " or, "So what a beautiful day..."  No, none of that, just the "I've stopped wearing white panties!" declaration.  Upon this announcement my assistant looked at me like, "Should we press the emergency button or call security?"  I just said, "I'll explain later".

 So when I taught on time management and mentoring I went alone and Larry stayed back at the church and worked.  This time when I'm teaching on sex again, he couldn't wait decided to go with me and booked a hotel instead of having us drive back and forth.   I'm sure he's hoping the teacher will make sure all the illustrations for Saturday's class are accurate and user friendly.  A good teacher is always prepared.   I have my Bible, my notes, and...my colored panties.  TMI?  Hey people, why do you think they ask ME to teach this class??!  The person who has the nerve to say "panties" OUT LOUD in front of huge groups of people among other things that makes panties pale in comparion, gets to teach the class on sex. 

 


5 comments:

Kathryn Kemp said...

One more reason why I enjoy working together so much!!!!! Thanks for being so authentic and real about a subject that makes so many of us uncomfortable. It gives us all permission to speak openly, whether or not we are wearing white panties. :-) And when we speak openly, everything shifts for the positive.

Leanne said...

The funny part about this is that it is true - someone on the steering committee for this conference piped up over lunch, between bites of her sandwich and sips of her Coke, "Hey, you know who would do a great job with the sex workshop? Deanna Shrodes! Who wants to call her and see if she's available?"

You are SO right about the white panties on extremely pasty individuals - my husband would never say it out loud, but I am not blind, deaf and mute ;o).

Lori said...

You crack me up! When are you coming to Illinois to speak at a conference??? :)

Deanna said...

Kathryn, you said that in typically wonderful Kathrynspeak. I love it. "...and when we speak openly everything shifts for the positive..." :)

Leanne and Lori, I'm there. All it takes is an invite. I'm the easiest person you've EVER worked with, I promise. I'd love to come.

Melissa said...

I would LOVE having you come to IL! That would be so fun! I love your honesty! Although my lovely little ladies here would die if I even mentioned the word SEX! They had a hard enough time talking about Tamar in Gen. LOL! Love ya!