Saturday, August 09, 2008

This is a test.
This is only a test.


I wish it was as easy as a scantron, fill in the blank, true/false.


Several of my friends have reiterated to me lately, "Deanna, you're not alone." Oh how much that has meant!

I've been hanging onto that truth... and to my friends while at the same time spending more time alone with God. Yesterday, the reading from Streams in the Desert was all about the value of time alone with God, and how nobody becomes great without it. Here's an excerpt:

The greatest miracles of Elijah and Elisha took place when they were alone with God. It was alone with God that Jacob became a prince; and just there that we, too, may become princes--"men (aye, and women too!) wondered at" (Zech. 3:8). Joshua was alone when the Lord came to him. (Josh. 1:1) Gideon and Jephthah were by themselves when commissioned to save Israel. (Judges 6:11 and 11:29) Moses was by himself at the wilderness bush. (Exodus 3:1-5) Cornelius was praying by himself when the angel came to him. (Acts 10:2) No one was with Peter on the house top, when he was instructed to go to the Gentiles. (Acts 10:9) John the Baptist was alone in the wilderness (Luke 1:90), and John the Beloved alone in Patmos, when nearest God. (Rev. 1:9)

One thing that has been difficult for me lately is that except for that one time on my birthday when I felt the Lord speak to me, He has pretty much been silent throughout the whole process that I'm going through. That has been the maddening thing. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but even after 22 years in ministry I have found myself saying, "Are you even really there?"

Then today I came across this quote, related to times when God is not speaking:

"When a student takes a test, the teacher is always silent." - Jim Goll

Okay.

So that's why.

So now I know.

I need to continue to come to the secret place even when I don't feel Him there.

I need to keep singing even when I don't sense Him.

I need to keep crying out even when I don't see Him answer right away.

This is a test. This is only a test.

* Sorry to get melancholy again today but it's just reality of where I'm at. I'm going to listen to "I have to Believe" again. It speaks loudly to me even when He is quiet.

3 comments:

LAURIE said...

One of the greatest sayings I have ever heard is this....

"You can't have a TESTimony until you go thru a TEST."

Blessings, Laurie

Pastor Lisa said...

PD, let me echo that sentiment as well...you are so not alone. You're still in my prayers.

DaNella Auten said...

I heard a preacher once say that to get that "Well done my good and faithful servant."

You have to go through the fire to be "Well Done."