Someone once said if your vision doesn't scare you to death when you lay awake at night, it's too small.
Sometimes I honestly wonder why God gave me a vision for anything because I also know fear is not of Him, yet I do feel scared to pieces sometimes when facing the vision before me.
So the other night this was happening, but I got up and started to read the Word. One night I was in that tossing and turning mode and God said to me, "It's like this Deanna...you can TOSS, TURN, OR TRUST!!!" I realize I'm called to trust Him, not called to toss and turn. But I can't trust Him without His Word. I don't know about any of you but the Word leaks out of me. I have to keep pumping it in to me, or I start to falter. Most times that means getting out of bed and going to the other room to read so I don't wake up Larry.
So there I went the other night, out to read and before I open the Bible I often read Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, because it has a way of cutting through the craziness in my life so quickly and there it was. He said, "What I need is God’s surgical procedure— His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification." Yep, yep, okay I'm there, Lord.
Even before I came out to the other room to read I had already prayed, "Lord, I need peace, so what is it that you would have me do? I just want to walk in wisdom...just want to walk in righteousness...just want to obey you."
As I read a few minutes later in the devo it went on to say: "Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You." Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."
I have to be honest that I am totally all about this and saying "yes" to the Lord, yet my faith has been lacking the past few days. When I see the mountain that is in front of me it seems too big to climb at times. Honestly in the natural some days I do not have the strength to do it anymore. I feel like a heel about that. I'm supposed to be filled with faith and power, yet the past week I have struggled. If it weren't for God's Word (which never fails) and a few friends who are very strong women in God I do not know what I'd do.
I was feeling really cheesy about this (my lack of faith the last few days) until I opened God's Word after reading Oswald Chambers and saw this in I Thessalonians 3:10 "Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith." That simple verse reminded me that there were occasions Paul and Timothy had to come and encourage the believers who were lacking in their faith. I need a miracle right now. I'm having trouble hanging on for it the past few days, but it seems I have a few women of faith in my life who like who like Paul and Timothy, are supplying what I'm lacking right now.