Skip to main content

Sleeping with the enemy

Last Tuesday night I was going to sleep and was praying beforehand. Suddenly in the midst of my prayers, I sensed a voice say some really harsh things to me. The things were all about my personal relationship with God. It was very specific and left me feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach. Rehearsing shortcomings in our relationship was the point of the exchange and I went to sleep feeling filled with shame even though I repented. No, not shame as in shame for having done anything colossally (is that a word?) sinful lately, but just general shame for not being more diligent in my personal walk with the Lord.

Suffice it to say, I took a few deep breaths, stared into the darkness of the room and asked for forgiveness.

I determined to do better.

I committed to work harder still on my personal relationship with God.

I apologized for my lack of diligence in some areas, when in fact I knew I was capable of more.

Even with asking forgiveness, still I felt bad. Shameful.

When I woke up Wednesday morning I got ready for work and as I was walking out to the car to get in, I grabbed my Bible as I always do on the way to work (Larry drives - while I read the Word each day -- it's my habit, as I don't like to waste a minute of my day, and we have a 15 minute drive both ways during which I can read God's Word).

Before I even opened the Bible, while I still had one hand on the car door and one hand on my Bible, I heard the gentle voice of the Lord say to me, "Did you think I was talking to you last night?"

Instantly I recognized the true voice of the Lord as He said to me, "no, it wasn't me...remember, I come to bring conviction, not condemnation. And if it WAS me, then after you repented you sure wouldn't end up STILL feeling shameful!"

I am reminded of a verse I recently preached on about six months ago, in a series on shame...our key text was:

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." Isaiah 61:7

God comes to cleanse us and release us from shame, not fill us with it.

The other thing I realize is, even after you've known the Lord many years, it's easy to be deceived into thinking you are hearing His voice sometimes when the enemy comes at you masquerading. He is the FATHER OF LIES, and he can put on a good impersonation sometimes and make you think what you are hearing is Godly when in fact it's from the pits of hell! Does it make you feel like a piece of dirt? It's probably not God. Does it make you feel convicted and after you repent you feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of you? Then it probably is God.

It's not about me "doing better." It's not about me "trying harder". Make no mistake, I'm a huge proponent of spiritual disciplines and I know we need to be holy and we need to prioritize time with God, but with that said -- it's about His grace, not formulas. It's about relationship, not ritual. It's not about how long I was in the Word today versus yesterday. It's not about whether I talked to God for 30 minutes on the bike today or whether I laid on the floor in my office and spoke in my prayer language. God isn't keeping score, He's just delighted to spend time with me. It's like Bob Sorge, author of Secrets of the Secret Place says...when you miss your time with God, He's not mad at you, He's sad for you!

If you're a person like me who was raised in a legalistic atmosphere sometimes it's hard to keep in mind that God isn't up there gleefully waiting to bang you over the head and punish you every five seconds. Just enjoying my walk with him takes work sometimes to strip myself of all those old mindsets.

He spoke to me on my way to work Wedesday morning and let me know, He was not the person talking to me in my bed last Tuesday night. That was the enemy.

The Word says in John 10:27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." I've known the Lord for many years and I do know His voice. I follow it day to day and make my everyday and life's decisions based on it. But my point is that the Word says that even the elect can/will be deceived. Satan is a good impersonator and he can pull a fast one even on His faithful servants especially if you are tired and weak or your defenses worn down. It can happen in a minute.


Deborah said…
I so needed this right now, I got a call asking who I am to think I can pastor when I am a woman. After the call I heard these words Yes did you think you are really ready for this dont you know you will fail. Thank you Deanna. love always me
Cassandra said…
Thanks for such an encouraging post. Not just surface encouraging either...I mean serious gonna find quiet time to read and ponder this some more kind of encouraging. You are awesome. I totally dreamed of getting to hang out and have coffee with you last night.
I heard somebody recently say that a tired mind can be the devil's ultimate playing field. I sincerely believe that. Thank you for sharing this PD. You bless my life.

Popular posts from this blog

What To Do First to Make a Profit

Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said:

It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way.
Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're  not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director.  Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year.  God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory!

I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started investing and training and all of that, seeking God for his blessing and…

I'm Just Being Transparent...

This year at the Stronger Conference, a young minister stopped me as I was walking out of the room at the conclusion of a workshop and she said, "I want to tell you something..." (I was all ears.) She said, "Do you notice how many of the speakers this weekend are saying, "Now, I'm just being transparent when I tell you..." or "I'm just keepin' it real..." I nodded yes. In fact, I mentioned that I was one of those speakers. I think I probably said a few times in both my keynote message and my workshop that I was just "keepin' it real."

After I affirmed that yes, I had noticed that -- she said, "Do you know why they have to do that? They do it...and you do it, because so many people don't keep it real. So many in leadership aren't transparent, Deanna. That's why all these people speaking here feel an urge to declare their transparency.." I let her know that usually when I say, "I'm just keeping …

Why You Should Never Hijack a Comment Thread
Social media etiquette 101

One surefire way to kill your influence in social media and wear out your welcome fast is to become involved in derailing somebody’s comment thread with your own agenda. Networking and hijacking aren’t the same thing. It’s surprising how many people don’t understand that this is a guarantee for tearing down a platform as quickly as you build it.

Passion is good, even necessary. I appreciate people's zeal for their personal core values. What is not appreciated is the attempt at a redirection of a comment thread when the comment has little or nothing to do with an original post or is twisted at best.

Social media provides ample opportunity for all of us to share what’s important to us on our own platform. Eliciting others’ responses and developing connections largely depends on our ability to communicate and compel. Some people are open to receiving private communication from others although they aren’t always able to answer personally or at length. But hijacking a comment thread no…