Valentine Banquet Inspirations ~ the Importance of Philematology

Tonight was our Valentine Banquet for married couples at our church. We had a lovely dinner and entertainment by one of our wonderful members, "Eddy Dean" who does entertainment in the Frank Sinatra and Michael Buble' genre. Then Larry and I gave an inspiring little "talk" to the couples before we fellowshipped some more and dismissed. I thought I'd share with you the highlights of our talk. I'm just going to copy and paste our notes here. Keep in mind this isn't a seminar, workshop, nor a sermon, it's just meant to be a short inspiring talk.

Larry ~

We want to talk to you tonight for just a few minutes about one of the main things missing from marriages today and it’s a steady amount of Phil-e-ma-tology.



When you leave tonight and someone who missed the banquet says, “in addition to Eddy’s wonderful entertainment, what did you do and what did the pastors talk about?” You need to say…

They talked about philematology!

We practiced philematology!

It was awesome!!!

Deanna ~

What is philematology? Simply the scientific word for kissing.

Did you know that simply choosing to kiss for 10 seconds on a regular basis can revitalize your marriage! Just how valuable is a 10-second kiss?

We're going to try it tonight! Right here right now, I'm going to set this little timer and we're going to all kiss our marriage partner for 10 seconds. Not 3, not 7, not 9...that's right, I said 10 full seconds. It might not sound like a lot, but just give it a try...

(Everybody Kiss)

As married couples we need to evaluate our relationship -- how much kissing do we do – outside the bedroom?

Affection is an important aspect of marriage and most people figure out quite quickly in a marriage that what happens outside the bedroom greatly affects what goes on inside it.

Remember when you were dating? Most couples gave a kiss when they saw each other after being apart, and always before they parted for the day or night. (Not to mention a great amount of making out for some in between…)

Some couples need to ask themselves…WHEN AND WHY DID THE KISSING STOP?

Robert Browning once said, "What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop?"

Larry ~

There are great benefits to kissing beyond just what it will do for your relationships. For those who are more practical and you think, “will this really make a difference?” consider the following true statistics:

Men who are kissed before going to work every morning:

* have fewer accidents! * live five years longer! * make 15 percent more money

If that’s not enough for you consider that it’s:

· Been proven to be good for your teeth and your heart.
· Is good for your self confidence.
· Has been proven to slow the aging process. A passionate kiss uses as many as 29 muscles in the cheek and jaw.
· Burns 6-12 calories per kiss, depending upon how passionate.
· Relieves stress

It’s amazing how God made us for one another. A study in 1997 out of Princeton University concluded that our brains are equipped with neurons that help us find our lovers lips in the dark.

German doctors and psychologists did a study and found that those who kiss their spouse each morning miss less work because of illness than those who do not.

Deanna ~

Let's put statistics aside for a moment, my friends. One thing for certain, kissing plays a very important role in keeping the fires burning in a relationship. Your partner needs to feel appreciated. Your partner needs your love and affection. A kiss can express all that and more.

Unfortunately, too many couples are caught up in the “busy-ness of life” and the kiss has turned into a quick peck on the cheek, if anything at all.

Excuses range from being “too busy” to “too tired,” to “it was fun in the beginning, but now …”

Life gets so busy and in marriage we can’t leave things to chance.

Just last week I had written about keeping physical intimacy a priority in marriage and even setting number goal of times to connect if you need to, to make sure you are maintaining that connection. A reader took me to task for it and said something to the effect of, “that’s ridiculous. A relationship doesn't have to have those kind of goals to succeed.”

My question would be – why is it okay to have goals for other things in our marriage – financial goals, vacation goals, education goals, but not okay to have intimacy goals? Sometimes if you don’t make an agreement that you are going to remember to do something, you won’t!

Pastor Larry and I have counseled couples over the years who have told us that they don't know when it happened, just steadily over the years they began to have less and less physical connection until finally their intimacy regressed to being once every few months or once a year, or sometimes less, and in some cases...there was no intimate contact whatsoever.

Where does it start? I submit to you that the decline begins when we forget or stop doing things as simple as kissing each day.

Let this serve as a reminder to all of the couples here tonight, let's make an agreement between ourselves as marriage partners, even a pact – to kiss more, to connect more.

We encourage you to get back to prioritizing PHILEMATOLOGY in your marriage!

p.s. It's important that pastors practice what they preach! Larry and I have done a lot of practicing in the study of philematology. At the top is a photo from our wedding. Here we are at left, the first year we were married, and then again, at right, recently. Notice, after 20 years, he's still smiling when I move in to kiss him. Mmmm... (maybe it's because I often still do...?)