Several friends have asked me since reading my blog the other day about the difficulties that I faced upon returning from Africa.
No. Please rest easy.
The issue is between my husband and I. Are we having problems? No. Allow me to explain.
Being gone in Africa 9 days, the issue was not that I could have had his clothes lined up better (they were perfectly lined up) or that I could have had more things squared away at the office (it was all done) or that I could have reminded him of things better (I left him about 50 AOL pre-scheduled reminders.) It's not a matter of working hard enough. The issue is one of "presence".
By saying, "I keep our world on track", I don't just mean that I make sure clothes are ready or that I have meals on the table, or the weekly orders of service lined up. That is relatively inconsequential in comparison to just being a steady presence in his life. What's most important to him is that I'm there as his right hand partner, confidante, defender, comforter, advisor, etc. And...I wasn't here. All I'm saying is, last week was a time that it would have really been helpful for me to be here to "have his back" and...I wasn't here to have it. All we had were text messages since phone calls are astronomically expensive from Africa to the USA. So every morning and every night we had a sentence back and forth between us but that was it. And he needed more than a sentence last week.
When you have a relationship like ours and one person is not there for a significant amount of time, it feels like half your brain and your body is missing and quite honestly that's because - it is!
So understand my friends ~I couldn't have really solved anything...the circumstances were and are the same. However, while going through them I would have been there to stand beside my man, just like I am now. Instead of him facing them alone, I am standing here with him. Notice, I'm not solving anything. But I'm HERE. And that's what matters to him. Pluses of this situation:
1) I realize more than ever how much my husband values me.
2) I know what I do for him (and the Lord who I am ultimately serving) is of great worth.
3) In time, all things will all work themselves out for the glory of God.
Thank you for caring my dear friends. God is in control. I am not in control nor do I have all the answers.. I do know that. At the same time, I do realize my role is to be a prayer warrior, steady rock, and seek God's wisdom in ministering to my husband. That's what I'm seeking to do now that I've picked my own self up off the floor, or peeled myself off the ceiling, however you want to look at it. The devil is such a liar and he knows when to attack. I have to admit, I was blindsided but now I'm back up again and I've come out with my armor on, fighting and I will protect my husband, my family and my church through the power of prayer, and steadfast love and faithfulness.
Please keep reading in the days to come with more Kenya photos and reflections, and be sure to check below for the photos I've posted in the last few days. There are some great photos and thoughts from me, so please go back and read if you've missed anything about my wonderful God-adventures in Nairobi!
By the way, despite the fact that he missed me and needed me, my husband is also crazy-proud of me and what happened in Africa.