Saturday, September 29, 2007

Opportunity for Giving

through my Virtuous Woman Offering

I recently realized I was completely missing out on a new opportunity ministry yet untapped. Apparently one woman preacher is taking a "Threshing Floor" offering for her ministry and yet another an "Atonement Offering" for hers. I realized, I - Pastor Deanna Shrodes - am missing out. And so are you.


Why are we both missing out? Because all of YOU are my dear friends, and I am keeping you from this great blessing in your connection with ME!!! And that is why, my friends, I am giving all of YOU who read my blog an opportunity to give in MY Virtuous Woman offering. This, my friends, is a Proverbs 31 offering. I have quite a few men who read my blog and let me say, God is not leaving you out. No, no, no. For you see, when the Holy Ghost is in charge, even a man can have a Proverbs 31 blessing. So just get ready because I'm getting ready to share something with you that is going to change your life. Touch your neighbor right now and say, "Neighbor...it's time to change your life!"

You have several choices in this opportunity for life changing giving. You can send me $31.00 and it will qualify you for the first level of Virtuous blessings. $310.00 takes you to the next level of blessing as a woman of God, and for $3,100 your cup will truly run over...there's no telling what will happen. Now there are a number of you out there who may be readers who have never even commented me, but you know who you are and you can probably afford to give $31,000 without so much as blinking a false eyelash. I admonish you...if you want virtuous blessings that are more than virtual...well, this is the place to get them, right here on this blog. Do not waste another minute! The Bible tells you to make the most of every opportunity. What exactly IS this opportunity? Let me break it down for you according to scripture. The Bible has a lot to say about this that I'm sure most of you never realized. If you turn in your Bible to Proverbs 31, you will see ever so clearly just what this miracle offering will bring to you:

1) You are going to be worth far more than rubies! (verse 10) You thought you had it going on before, girlfriend, but I'm telling you, GET READY, GET READY, GET READY because a RUBY ANOINTING is coming to your house. This means you might even open your cupboard at home and instead of finding a box of Trix that your kids left empty on the shelf, God's going to have His own tricks up his sleeve (oh, I feel the anointing here...) and a RUBY is going to there instead. It's going to be a Holy Ghost switcheroo right before your eyes. This is right up there with the parting of the Red Sea. (Rubies are red...the Red Sea is red...there's a connection there somewhere in the spirit...)

2) Your husband is suddenly going to have full confidence in you (verse 11) and the Word goes on to say, you will lack nothing of value. A house? A car? A trip to Macy's? You heard it here sister, verse 11 says you will lack NOTHING OF VALUE. This means even Prada, Choo, and Limited Too. (Did I mention, I take debit cards?) And all the while, your husband won't even question these purchases because remember, he has full confidence in you. He's never going to question you about another thing again. Now, that's the Holy Ghost if I ever heard it.

3) You'll be able to "consider a field a buy it..." (verse 16) and out of your earnings, plant a vineyard. This Virtuous Woman offering has the potential to turn the stagnated real estate market in the United States upside down. In fact, I almost called this the "Upside Down" offering, because of it's potential. But get this...by giving, you will find that not only will you be the talk of the real estate town, but you will have so much left over afterwards, you will be able to plant a vineyard. Never mind that we Pentecostals don't drink on record...the point is, YOU COULD IF YOU WANTED TO! Slap your neighbor and say, "CHEERS!!!"

4) Your arms will be strong for your tasks... (verse 17) Did you just hear me? Did you? How can you even sit there in your seat calmly if you just heard what I said. I said your arms will be strong for your tasks. Do you even get in that finite mind of yours, that if you give in this Virtuous woman offering, you are suddenly going to notice your arms getting buff? You can't out-give God. Instead of working out at the gym, you took time to pull out your checkbook and write to me for this Virtuous Woman offering. And God saw that. And so what does He decide to do? He reaches down out of heaven and says, "I saw that Jennifer gave in that Virtuous Miracle offering instead of working out today." And what is He going to do? He's going to firm up your arms for the glory of God, that's what He's going to do. No more flab! No more jigglies! Say it! NO MORE! (Did I mention, make your check out to Deanna Shrodes ministries?)

5) When it snows (verse 21) you will have no fear for your household. Never mind that you live in Tampa, Palm Springs or San Diego. Snow ain't got nothin on you, girl! Even if you live in Kenosha, you will not fear snow because through the virtuous Woman offering, the curse of snow is broken! Glory to God!

6) Your husband will be respected at the city gate (verse 23) where he will take his seat among the elders of the land. That's right, my dear sisters, through this Virtuous Woman offering, your husband's next promotion will be birthed! I believe in this so much that the theme for my ministry in this coming year is going to be, "HE'LL BE BY THE GATE, IN 2008!!!" That's right! Give a shout now! Do you want your husband to have respect? Then pull out your check book. Do you want him to get a promotion at work, so you can go to JC Penney's more often? Get out your debit card. It is time for your husband to be the head and not the tail. You are sick of that man being a tail. And let me tell you ladies, this offering has a tail breaking anointing on it. Right now, just shout BREAK IT!

7) You will be clothed with strength and dignity (verse 25) and you will laugh at the days to come. Honey, you are going to be laughing all the way to the bank! Clothed with strength? With those buff arms of yours, you aren't even going to want to have your arms clothed anymore, but being that God is giving you an extra dose of dignity, you will clothe them. This is a NEW THING...new jewelry, new arms, new weather, new husband (if you don't have one, this Virtuous Woman anointing will get you one...just $31 makes all things possible.) Some might even say it's so new it's not even in the Bible, but am I not proving it to you right now?

and last but not least, your final Virtuous woman blessing...

8) Your children will arise and call you blessed (verse 28) and your husband will praise you also. Having trouble getting your kids to wake up in the morning? Let the Virtuous Woman offering go forth to break the curse of rebellious sleepers in the name of Jesus. If you give $31 you'll begin to see a change in the next week, but $310 will get those kids to wake up quicker and another $3,100 will virtually guarantee that not only will they get up before you but they'll bring you breakfast in bed. Not only will they ARISE, but they will BLESS YOU. Did you hear that? Have you been reading this whole blog but you haven't even opened your purse yet??!! High five the person next to you and shout, "OPEN!" It's time. It's time to open your purse ladies, and dare to believe God for the Virtuous Woman Proverbs 31 blessing that He is ready to rain down upon your household.

Many women are not going to pay any mind to this let alone money! They are just going to go read another blog about how to study their Bibles more effectively! Or, they are going to get off of their computer to go eat dinner with their family. But you my friend, you are different. You are going to be the one getting the true blessing.

Don't wait another second. Write to me now. Call me now. Let me agree with you for the explosion of Virtuous Woman blessing in your life. (800) 555-RUBY is your number for breakthrough.



3 comments:

Pastor Lisa said...

Pastor Deanna, wow. We see this foolishness all the time on TV. What have we become? This must truly grieve the Holy Spirit. I wanna weep, find some sackcloth and ashes and just weep. This is not what He intended!

Elgin read a scripture tonight 1 Cor 10 I think were Paul says the Jews need a sign and the Greeks need deepness (paraphrased of course) but Paul came preaching Christ and him crucified. That's it. When did this become not enough?

When did trickery, slight of hand, seed offerings to get you out of your season, seed offerings to shift your season, offerings to get an answer from God...when and how did all this creep into the House?

Lord...purify the body.

Pastor L said...

LOL!!!! It's funny (but also sad!) because it's true.

Thanks for the shout-out...only this Minnesota native transplanted to Wisconsin doesn't fear snow ;o). Is there an extra special blessing for those of us who are more afraid of Florida weather, lol?!?!?!?

Seriously, though - this is an example of why I stopped watching TBN a long time ago. There is some great stuff on there, but I just got tired of weeding through all the "not so great" stuff.

Pastor Lisa is right - why can't it just be about Jesus? I could preach my heart out for hours just using the Word of God - how is that not exciting enough?

Deborah said...

No wonder people are turning away from the Lord, this is such foolishness yet people fall for it all the time. Its almost a case of pride if we can get that anointing we will be able to look better then the honey sitting next to me at church. I agree with Pastor Lisa I want to weep for our body! God is wanting His bride to be spotless not fake glittery bride. What happened to the good news of the gospel? Have we traded it in for something that brings a moment of man's glory or what. Lets be real and live Jesus not some fake out there foolishness. you preach it Deanna!!! love always me