I've been cranking out work, messages for upcoming things, and trying to get everything squared away so we can have a few days off. We have been running here and there with everything from funerals to ACMC to you name it and I think my last day off was a few Fridays ago. At least two. I am looking forward to this week...really anticipating it.
Our friends Randy and Dawn are coming in tonight. (Our friends of 20+ years...used to be Larry's youth pastors, then I worked for them at TC, then we both worked for them when they were our SP's, now they are just our best friends.) :-) They pastor Celebration Christian Center A/G in Mesa, AZ.
So, Larry is picking them up from the airport. I have been putting finishing touches on scrubbing floors, and all that kinda stuff. Haven't been home to do it in the past week or so. Everything is ready at this point. I'm just settling down and waiting for them to arrive which they will in about 30 minutes or so and thus will begin a wonderful five days of a visit. We usually stay up so late talking every night by the time we say goodbye our voices are all hoarse from talking ourselves out. We talk on the phone all the time but you know, in person it's different.
Got a real bummer of a phone call tonight. The principal of the high school called all the parents on their phone tree system to tell everyone that 3 seniors were in an SUV driving home from school and it rolled over. One was killed, two are still in critical condition. They are having counselors at the school tomorrow. I talked to Dustin and he doesn't know them, but a few kids in youth do. I just prayed for the parents tonight and of course the remaining two kids who are hanging on in critical condition that they might be healed. I just hate to hear stuff like this. So senseless. Evidently the kids were passing on the shoulder of the road, got back on and flipped over. No other car was involved. Lord, please help these families.
Reading in Oswald Chambers tonight when I had a few moments to sit in the quiet. He says, "Every time you venture out in your life of faith, you will find something in your circumstances that, from a commonsense standpoint, will flatly contradict your faith. But common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense. In fact, they are as different as the natural life and the spiritual. Can you trust Jesus Christ where your common sense cannot trust Him? Can you venture out with courage on the words of Jesus Christ, while the realities of your commonsense life continue to shout, "It’s all a lie"?"
Just sort of makes me think of some leaps of faith I've been taking. I often try to figure out things through common sense. Sometimes having common sense is not the best thing because you try to analyze the heck out of everything and figure out a way to make it work when God is just wanting you to watch HIM make it work! I'm learning to do that more, although it's really taking time.
Also reading in Hebrews 13 tonight. It talks about being content (in a good way.) That's something in a few areas of my life God has been speaking to me about.
Speaking of being content, we still don't have another car. But I'm content. Because I don't know what to do. I feel kind of like a heel to tell you this but I still feel a pang every time I think of buying a car. It's been over three months. We are going into four months now since the car was totaled and we are still juggling our schedules immensely to handle ministry, personal errands and everything involved in having three kids. We've rented a car on two weekends that would have been impossible not to. I didn't drive them - Larry did both times. We've stopped shopping for now. I don't think we've looked in at least a month...haven't been on a lot once. When I think of "signing on the dotted line" I just get so sad and then I start asking myself, "why? Are you cracking up, Deanna? Do you need to go to Emerge?" I dunno, maybe I do. All I know is this...part of me says, have Larry just get a car for himself and claim both cars as his and then I will just drive the van whenever I need something since it really carries no emotional feeling for me at all when I get into it or out of it. But then again I don't want to do that in some ways because with the way Larry is (extremely financially conservative) he's been known to keep a car for over 10 years, drive it into the ground until it breathes it's last breath. I may actually get over this at some point in the next year or two and want my own car, but then it will be too late. He will not want to trade either one in to give me my own car. Everytime I think "car" I just have angst right now. Nothing feels right. Nothing seems right except doing nothing and just making it work somehow without one.
Larry seems fine to just rent an extra car when we need one. This is what Ada suggested in the first place and I think he thought it was kind of crazy but I actually think he's starting to enjoy it - having the experience of testing out another car for a few days. So we'll see what the future holds. In few things am I willing to just "stand still" and do nothing but this is one of them. When we rent cars we get them from a place right next to Masters Collision, the body shop the Mustang went to. Everytime I have to drive in there to drop Larry off for the rental car my hands tighten up on the steering wheel and I just take a deep breath. Something in me just tells me I need to wait until I don't feel that way anymore to get another car. And my husband seems fine with that...for this I am ever grateful.