Wednesday, June 13, 2007


"I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth" (Isa. 58:14)

Today I decided to depart from my usual habits of reading Oswald Chambers or Bob Sorge, or Come Away My Beloved, and read Streams in the Desert, and there were some interesting things that I related well to. Sometimes I have to put a different devotional in the mix to shake things up. It's sort of like when you change shampoos for a day or two to bring a different element to your hair. You just wake up and have a knowing that this is the day to do it. So, here are some things the author says in today's entry:

Those who fly through the air in airships tell us that one of the first rules they learn is to turn their ship toward the wind, and fly against it. The wind lifts the ship up to higher heights. Where did they learn that? They learned it from the birds. If a bird is flying for pleasure, it goes with the wind. But if the bird meets danger, it turns right around and faces the wind, in order that it may rise higher; and it flies away towards the very sun. Sufferings are God's winds, His contrary winds, sometimes His strong winds. They are God's hurricanes, but, they take human life and lift it to higher levels and toward God's heavens.

I realize how difficult things do lift me to a higher level. In fact, Dr. Lee said the other day that we lead much better in difficult times. I know he's right but I still hate that it's true. In order to go to a new level, I have to face my disappointments head on...turn my face toward the wind and just do it. Instead I usually crave laying in my bed and getting away from everyone and everything. I have a fighting spirit, a persevering spirit when it comes to getting things done, doing them right, striving for excellence, working hard, being effective, winning souls, etc. But when it comes to disappointments in my life my first response is not to stand there and fight or face the wind...rather I like to get away, be alone and hide until I start to not be so disappointed anymore.

Most people might think with my strong personality that if I had my druthers when I'm mad at somebody, I'd like to stand there and just tell them off. Actually the opposite is true. The madder I am, the more I want to be alone. Right now I'm not mad at anybody, I'm just mad at things. So I can say this without it being pointed in any specific direction, it's just a general fact I'm blogging about. When I feel disappointed I just want to run to some secluded quiet spot and stay there, and I'm usually really chapped that for some reason at that time, I have to be in the public eye. So since I'm surrounded by people I'm somehow responsible for, I try to act interested in what I'm doing rather than sitting on a porch swing by myself somewhere like Boone, North Carolina where the only sound I hear is a bird chirping. Maybe because the only person who really soothes me when I'm disappointed is God Himself. And in times like that He's all I want, nothing else.

If people only knew how very disappointed I get sometimes it would probably scare them to death. My life doesn't really lend itself to hiding. Most of the time I have things scheduled where I can't just run away and hide. Sometimes I sneak extra time on the patio or go to my office a few minutes at a time when I'm in a really disappointed mood. I'm seeing more and more God just wants me to face the wind. It's just a real challenge for me. Cowman (author of Streams) goes on to say:

Obstacles ought to set us singing. The wind finds voice, not when rushing across the open sea, but when hindered by the outstretched arms of the pine trees, or broken by the fine strings of an Aeolian harp. Then it has songs of power and beauty. Set your freed soul sweeping across the obstacles of life, through grim forests of pain, against even the tiny hindrances and frets that love uses, and it, too, will find its singing voice. --Selected

Obstacles usually do set me singing...a song of lament! I write great songs when I'm depressed or disappointed. I know I need to strive to not bottom out so much emotionally when I go through stuff...and be more positive. Most times when I am dealing with things I know my nature is to be down, and no fun when I'm like that. So I avoid even socializing because I don't want to affect people with the fact that I am disappointed. Oh to be a bird who just flies above...soaring above.

At the end of today's writing, the author ended with a poem that interestingly enough was put to a song that our choir sang in high school. The song was, "Be Like the Bird". I remember loving the words to it. It was a nice memory...

"Be like a bird that, halting in its flight
Rests on a bough too slight
And feeling it give way beneath him sings

knowing he hath wings"

As I'm sitting here typing this, my kids just called to me from the kitchen and told me my Pampered Chef stone broke. I'm sitting here getting ready to log off trying not to be too darn disappointed.

I think I might look up last minute deals on Expedia to Boone, NC.

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