Skip to main content

I give up



If I hear one more piece of advice on how to do church better, I think my head might fall off. It's so full, it just may pop.


It's not that I don't want to learn and grow. On the contrary, I'm part of a life/ministry coaching cohort, continuing education and I have several mentors. In addition to that I read countless books, and of course...the Bible. All these things are incredibly valuable to me.

Each time I receive a new tidbit of advice, I scamper to put it into practice and cross that off on the list of things that could be inhibiting further growth of the ministry. Many times it feels like one step forward, two steps back. It's never fast enough for me.

I find myself at the frustrated point of running to put endless things in place while at the same time, another crop of things pops up that are also suddenly missing. No matter how many good things are happening, I still have an insatiable thirst for more. I hate status quo. Many people would be satisfied to be exactly at the level we're at - but I'm not. Contented? Yes. Satisfied? No.

Years ago a pastor-couple who are friends of ours told us how things really broke through in the church they planted. For years they did just as I described above. Then one day they just got frustrated with it all and said, "We quit!" No, they didn't resign. They kept on doing things that needed to be done, however they completely quit trusting in those things to bring the results desired. They stopped having faith in those things to make the difference. And suddenly...the church just popped! It was amazing. They said after all that, they believed God worked that way just to prove to them that it was Him and nothing else.

It sounds kind of hokey to do that in one sense...to do a bunch of initiatives you put no faith or trust in. But on the other hand it seems very plausible to me right now. This is the place I find myself in. I'm now at a point that while I will keep giving my iniatives in ministry due diligence and be completely faithful to fulfill my call, I will altogether stop putting any trust in that to bring the breakthrough I desire to see. I have come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter if I do all those things, if I am not completely trusting God.

Larry has been praying for years, "Lord, do something so big here everyone will KNOW it has to be God."

I have always believed that the saying that "if you do the wrong thing, it will eventually catch up with you." And, I have always believed if you do the right things, they will eventually catch up with you as well. In believing that, I have banked on the fact that if we just keep doing the "right things" with the church it will eventually catch up with us. I have trusted in the fact that being diligent will move us forward on to our next level. Now I'm realizing I can do the right things all I want but without complete trust in God, it won't work. I came to the conclusion this evening I have had a lack of trust.

Someone once said if a dream is really from God, when you lie awake at night it will scare you to death. If it doesn't your dream is too small. Tonight, I was scared. This year, aside from my ministry in the church, I'm taking two giant leaps personally. It's sink or swim in 2007. I am venturing into new territory in two areas and doing something I believe I am very called to do, however not without doubt that I can do them successfully. I don't like to fail and will usually not do anything I know I can't completely win at. I do not want to endure the shame of failure. Now I'm tackling two dreams that keep me awake at night. Two dreams that make me afraid of failure, with the church lumped on top of them.

So since I couldn't sleep (it's now almost 2 am) I got up, made a cup of mint hot tea, got my Bible and Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge, and my laptop and got in my rocking chair. As I was going before the Lord about all this, I came upon I Peter 1:6... "and the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame..." I heard God say, "DO YOU TRUST ME?" Yes. "DO YOU REALLY?" Well, a few minutes ago I would have said no, but now that you're speaking to me about this, I'm starting to fill up with faith and trust..." 'IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT, DEANNA. TRUST ME AND YOU WILL NOT BE PUT TO SHAME."

So here is my new conclusion. I'm going to keep working at the same pace. (I still believe faith without works is dead...plus, I am called to give God my best.) Only, I'm not going to put any stock in that anymore. Those may be great principles - and very necessary, but they aren't the things to trust in.

So I give up. On trusting in things, that is...and in putting my total faith in Him who makes all things possible.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Relevant Church doing something...

incredibly RELEVANT!

I just heard some news today that really inspired me. A church here in Tampa, Relevant Church is doing a new thing this month called the "30 Days Sex Challenge." (I've never visited the church but Pastor Trinity - our children's pastor - has visited or has met some people from this church and he was very impressed.) Realizing that this is a major element missing from some marriages (the frequency factor) their lead pastor, Paul Wirth, has issued a challenge for all the married couples to have sex for 30 days in a row. At the same time he has issued a challenge for all unmarrieds to completely abstain from sex. Of course we know the Bible says that those who are unmarried should not have sex in the first place but the point is, a lot of unmarried's aren't obeying the Lord's command to abstain and this is just one pastor's way of trying to get them to see that indeed, there is a better way! (God's way!) At the same time, many married couples are no

What Verbal Abuse is Really Like, and Why We Must Care
Guest Post: Terri von Wood

In my speaking travels, I meet the most amazing people. Some are connections that go beyond just a night or a weekend of preac hing. One day on my journey, I met Terri von Wood, and we immediately clicked and have been friends ever since.  Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** People who have never suffered through or witnessed abuse (including pastors) often don't know how to help women in abusive situations. Knowledge is power and it is my belief that if the church understood the prevalence of abuse, help would be made available.  First, we must acknowledge that the divorce rate is the same  in the church as in the world.  Second, we must understand that the 50% divorce rate does not include all the women who are abused but stay because they do not know what else to do or do not have anyone to turn to.  If those women we

Book giveaway starts TODAY!

Today begins a book giveaway here on the blog!  The more times you comment, the greater chance you have to win! A friend at Charisma House asked if I'd like to review some books and give some away.  What a delightful idea!  We will be giving away several books over the next few weeks.  I do need to let you know that these books have been provided to me free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. So here's how it's gonna work...for every time a reader leaves a comment on any of this week's blog posts today through Thursday, November 3 at midnight, or on the facebook comment thread when the same post publishes there, I will enter your name in the drawing one time.  You can comment more than once a day!  You get your name entered every single time you post.  So, comment away!  Let your voice be heard!    We will draw the winner's name at midnight on Thursday and announce it Friday morning.  The book will be mailed to you..  The first book we are g