Monday, March 05, 2007

Maybe I should just get used to being sick


REALITY. That's what this blog is about. Welcome to my personal reality blog. Well, I had planned to take some time off today and tomorrow but it's just not to be. So I keep plowing forward. I went for another test this morning first thing, then went in to the office. I would have just had to work from the lap top at home and it wasn't worth it to drive all the way back home plus somebody needed to run the staff meeting since Larry could only be there for 30 minutes of it today. And it was a long one. 

He left the staff mtg. and took Dustin for his senior project at 4:30, which by the way, Dustin totally rocked. He thinks he definitely got an A. So proud of him. 

So I finished up in running the staff meeting, left at 5:30 or something like that, can't remember the exact time but left there and went major grocery shopping. All the while the kids are ringing my cell phone asking what's for supper. I said, "I'm buying it now." So, I come home, and the kitchen is a rip roaring mess. I took one look at it and said, 'NO SUPPER!!!! I promptly cleaned up the kitchen, put the groceries away, and went and locked myself in my room. If they don't have enough respect to clean the kitchen in preparation for me to come home after being at work all day (sick I might add), then grocery shopping, then they don't deserve for me to make them something to eat. So I didn't. Lisa called me in the midst of cleaning my kitchen to see how I was doing and I said, "totally depressed to be looking at this messy kitchen." I just wasn't going to knock myself out making them something only to clean it up again when they obviously didn't give a rip about helping at all (even knowing how sick I was), they cared about nothing but feeding their faces. So they scrounged and got peanut butter sandwiches or whatever and maybe now they will think next time about next time.

These are among the many things in life that stress me out, even make me feel sick at times. But I'm not supposed to be upset about any of it. In fact if I do get upset about it Larry thinks it's strange. He sees nothing shocking about me coming home to this monstrosity. I'm supposed to just glide through life perfectly happy that I come home after not feeling well, having my head into no less than 6 projects, walk the aisles of Publix for an hour, load the car, come home to a slopped up kitchen and I'm just supposed to say, "PRAISE YOU, JESUS!!!" and start firing up the stove.

I'll praise Him in my room alone with the door locked, thank you very much.

I look around many days and think, "no wonder I don't feel good physically" but I truly many days do not know what to do about it. I was going to sleep in tomorrow to try to feel a bit better but Larry has an early morning meeting so I'll be getting Savanna ready and taking her to school. Then I have to go get a dental cleaning (something I hate getting done, necessary evil with more poking on my body), followed up in a few days by all the blood tests Rosemay has scheduled for me getting done. Then I have a bunch of work to do tomorrow too. Not complaining about work...I love work - it's my passion, what I thrive on. But it's the other "stuff" in life like mean people, messy kitchens, lazy people, etc. that drive me to the edge. 

Being constantly poked on, and keeping a regular schedule is hard sometimes. I'd better get to bed so I can have at least a little energy for the poking I will endure tomorrow. I think I'll go read about Ezekiel. I've always said Job stole some of his attention. Ezekiel went through a lot...losing his wife, not allowed to grieve, had to shave his head, lay on his side, yada yada yada. Totally unfair...one poke after another. Today sort of feels like an Ezekiel experience. 

Maybe that's what happened to Britney Spears. One too many Ezekiel experiences and she shaved that head of hers.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

If it helps any, I think you were totally right not to cook dinner. They gotta learn to have respect for the things you offer them -- and to have respect for you and the amount of energy you throw into making their lives "peachy" everyday. I really hope Rosemay figures out what this is so that you don't have to go through it anymore. :( Prayin' for you.