Monday, March 19, 2007

A little lonely


I have to admit I am feeling a little lonely these past few days. Here I am (above) where I've been sitting for two days...(except for brief trips to the bathroom). In my bed, with the laptop. (Savanna came in and took this pic of me...)

I know loneliness is "God's call to spend some time with Him..." that's how I've always tried to look at it. I've had plenty of time these past 2 days as I've been in bed recovering from the flu. I love solitude when I choose it. These past few days have been forced solitude.

Forced to miss church.
Forced to miss Missions Convention.
Forced to miss staff meeting.
Forced solitude is just not the same as chosen solitude.

And then when Larry has come home, he hasn't spent much time with me at all. Hockey games are on a lot and he's been doing that the majority of his time when not working . Because I'm not feeling well I can't just do what I normally do when he does that. I normally don't care when he does his thing...I just do mine. But right now I can't just leave and go somewhere else or hit the elliptical machine or walk, or shop or whatever. I have to sit here. I've been reading, writing, watching messages, but very little TV. Normally I would turn on Forensic Files or something but honestly spending all this time with the Lord has me very sensitive and I just don't have an appetite for it right now. I even went on line and read up a bit about disabled people who can't get out of bed, just out of curiosity. One thing's for sure - I'm not meant for this lifestyle at least not for more than two days.

I do crave time with my husband and kids. The boys were at PK retreat, then came home like two aliens because they didn't sleep while they were there. Savanna has taken time to come in and talk to me. Mainly all about earrings. She's all excited about them and has been borrowing mine or asking me endless questions. Jordan - non-existent. He's had a major attitude for a few days. I wanted to wring his neck or thought of cancelling his birthday party. Dustin has come in and talked to me for a while last night. Other than that...here I sit. Writing, reading, and getting to know my bathroom better than I ever have for the several years I have lived here.

It has been kind of hard that Larry has not spent as much time with me (aside from working of course) when he's home the last few days but I guess the Lord is trying to teach me something. I'm asking what. I hope he teaches it to me fast.

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