Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I got it


Okay, so I finally got the message God was trying to teach me by the loneliness I felt the past two days, and the fact that my family was several feet away and could have done something about it, namely the person who I sleep with.

I was struggling with the intense feelings I was having about it and getting beyond them and I said, "God what do you want to show me through this? Please teach and get on with it." I waited and finally at about 2 am last night He speaks to me.

Deanna, how do you think I feel when you are so close to me yet so far away? I wait sometimes all day for you and something as insignificant as a TV show keeps you from talking to me. Then you go to bed and forget to connect with me sometimes. After the way I have pledged my love to you, do you realize how that makes me feel? I have laid my very life down for you. I gave my all so that every pain and hurt you have ever experienced (including the one you are experiencing now), can be healed. Yet, insignificant things so easily continue to pull you away from me. When I am not your priority, it hurts me. I could even understand it (although not agree with it) if it was something monumental that attracted your attention. But surfing the net? American Idol? A phone call you really don't have to take? And the sad thing is, when it's over...sometimes you don't come back to me and say, 'now where were we?' You just go on or go to sleep. And I think, 'maybe she'll realize in the morning.' But I'm not always the first thing you think about when you wake up. You spring up to get Savanna ready for school and hop in the shower, and get to work and sometimes although you think you are solving the problems of the free world, you forget I exist until late afternoon when sitting at your desk and finally one quiet moment emerges in your day and your thoughts go toward me...like I'm an afterthought. I don't want to be an afterthought, nor part of your life. I want to BE your life." Okay, I got the message.


Now please bring Larry away from the NHL and back to me. Thank you, Jesus.

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