Skip to main content

I got it


Okay, so I finally got the message God was trying to teach me by the loneliness I felt the past two days, and the fact that my family was several feet away and could have done something about it, namely the person who I sleep with.

I was struggling with the intense feelings I was having about it and getting beyond them and I said, "God what do you want to show me through this? Please teach and get on with it." I waited and finally at about 2 am last night He speaks to me.

Deanna, how do you think I feel when you are so close to me yet so far away? I wait sometimes all day for you and something as insignificant as a TV show keeps you from talking to me. Then you go to bed and forget to connect with me sometimes. After the way I have pledged my love to you, do you realize how that makes me feel? I have laid my very life down for you. I gave my all so that every pain and hurt you have ever experienced (including the one you are experiencing now), can be healed. Yet, insignificant things so easily continue to pull you away from me. When I am not your priority, it hurts me. I could even understand it (although not agree with it) if it was something monumental that attracted your attention. But surfing the net? American Idol? A phone call you really don't have to take? And the sad thing is, when it's over...sometimes you don't come back to me and say, 'now where were we?' You just go on or go to sleep. And I think, 'maybe she'll realize in the morning.' But I'm not always the first thing you think about when you wake up. You spring up to get Savanna ready for school and hop in the shower, and get to work and sometimes although you think you are solving the problems of the free world, you forget I exist until late afternoon when sitting at your desk and finally one quiet moment emerges in your day and your thoughts go toward me...like I'm an afterthought. I don't want to be an afterthought, nor part of your life. I want to BE your life." Okay, I got the message.


Now please bring Larry away from the NHL and back to me. Thank you, Jesus.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Relevant Church doing something...

incredibly RELEVANT!

I just heard some news today that really inspired me. A church here in Tampa, Relevant Church is doing a new thing this month called the "30 Days Sex Challenge." (I've never visited the church but Pastor Trinity - our children's pastor - has visited or has met some people from this church and he was very impressed.) Realizing that this is a major element missing from some marriages (the frequency factor) their lead pastor, Paul Wirth, has issued a challenge for all the married couples to have sex for 30 days in a row. At the same time he has issued a challenge for all unmarrieds to completely abstain from sex. Of course we know the Bible says that those who are unmarried should not have sex in the first place but the point is, a lot of unmarried's aren't obeying the Lord's command to abstain and this is just one pastor's way of trying to get them to see that indeed, there is a better way! (God's way!) At the same time, many married couples are no

What Verbal Abuse is Really Like, and Why We Must Care
Guest Post: Terri von Wood

In my speaking travels, I meet the most amazing people. Some are connections that go beyond just a night or a weekend of preac hing. One day on my journey, I met Terri von Wood, and we immediately clicked and have been friends ever since.  Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** People who have never suffered through or witnessed abuse (including pastors) often don't know how to help women in abusive situations. Knowledge is power and it is my belief that if the church understood the prevalence of abuse, help would be made available.  First, we must acknowledge that the divorce rate is the same  in the church as in the world.  Second, we must understand that the 50% divorce rate does not include all the women who are abused but stay because they do not know what else to do or do not have anyone to turn to.  If those women we

I am a Spiritual Abuse Survivor
Guest Post: Leanne Weber

I met Leanne Weber years ago through Pastoring Partners Network . She now serves as one of our amazing PPN writers. Back when I first met her she was pastoring and in the midst of an abusive church situation. I as well as several of our other leaders at PPN walked through that painful journey with her and observed her as she went from hurting to whole. She's got an amazing story to share and the following is just part of it. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.             I am a certifiable mess right now. I cannot get any work done, because I don't even want to be here. I am just...tired. I am tired of dealing with church people. If I was truly called, then I'd be able to handle this. I am sick of the only thing keeping me here being the fact that we have bills to pay, and we are finally in a place where we are fi