Wednesday, September 13, 2006

WWJD?

Monday is my most tired day of the week (recovering from Sunday) and Wednesday is my busiest day of the week. I try to come home earlier, to have just a little time before church on Wed. night...sometimes it happens and sometimes not. Some days things are too crazy to even come home. Today I came home early to get a few things done, that otherwise wouldn't get done - since we are going away for a few days. Larry also has to do the America's Prayer Meeting show tonight so he needed to get some sleep before going. I need to go scrub down the bathrooms, and get dinner in order, but before I do, thought I would take a five minute breather and blog.

We worked at the church last night until about 11:30 pm if I recall, that was the last time I looked at the clock. The stage looks fantastic. By the time I got home and cleaned up a few things and went to bed, well let's just say that I never made it up for my early morning bike ride today. Getting out of bed was the last thing I wanted to do. But I had a full line up of things this morning, and went in and did them. Well now, Friday's coming! Yeah!

You know, I thought one was supposed to be so gutsy the older they got (and I have just gotten older...) :-) I thought this was time to do what I finally WANT and just let the chips fall where they may. I am not sure everyone got the memo on that about me. :-)

The thing is this...I'm not talking about work. I love work and give my 200% to it. No complaint there. I enjoy my work/ministry so much. I love what I do so much, I have a hard time even calling it, "work" but when you get down to it, it is. As much as I love to work, I love to also play. What a wonderful reward!

My play time is always threatened. When I have a few precious hours in the evening, or really anytime I manage to carve out that that is just "me time", somebody else tends to come along and fill that up. Sometimes without even asking! Yes, it's always with something fun and social, however it's usually not what I personally need to energize and fill back up again. In other words, it's good for the other person many times for that purpose, but not for me. Everybody's different in what they need to relax. I know people only mean well...they really do. They want me to slide over to this b'day party, or that shower, or this dinner out, this picnic, or you fill in the blank here ____________. But the fact is, when I don't get some solitude, when I don't have a moment to myself, or time just with the fam, I begin to feel like the walls are caving in on me. So when is it right to say, "No, I'm not coming over. I want this time to myself."??

I personally believe the time is now. I remind myself all the time that one of the reasons I used to be overweight was because I said yes to everyone and no to myself. I'd have a plan to work out, and then along comes somebody to say, "hey we'd like you to come to this b'day party..." Not that I don't love the one having these type of events, but quite honestly, that doesn't renew or energize me like I need. So, instead of sticking to my original plan and having the time to myself...I get a case of the guilts and I go...or, I feel that Larry wants me to go just as good PR. So, I suck it up and go. And then usually end up resenting that I did, because once more, something I needed stays on the shelf for another few days or even weeks. Well, that's exactly how I got overweight, putting things like good PR over the time I needed for me. Then I get snappy and everybody wonders why. It's a no brainer here folks, I have a lack of solitude and I begin to get edgy. Half an hour here, 45 minutes there, and it just chips away at my life until I feel like there's nothing left. Sometimes I just get the feeling that everybody around me is standing there gnawing on me. Larry says, "well honey, people just love you, and they want to be with you." Yes, I know that but if they really do love me, I'd like them to realize that I'm a lot better person when I get the alone time that I need to function right.

So what would Jesus do? Yes I know there were times he ministered to the multitudes for many hours, but then clearly...He left and went to the mountains, all by himself. He would steal away and pray. Just Him. One reason I don't feel out of line to want the alone time for myself is because I do give so many countless hours to other people, very generously. Most of the time, I am pouring myself out. I think if Jesus were right here in the flesh and invitations to come to things were beckoning and it was His time to pray, He'd probably still sneak off to the mountains. So I guess it's alright for me too.

One thing that is hard regarding a life in ministry is that for the person who is inviting, it's just one special event, one party, one gathering, one whatever. But for me, their invitation is only one of many invitations for the week that I've been invited to. Saying yes to everything really does leave me good for nothing. Saying yes to anything people ask me to do outside of work leaves me with zippo time to care for myself or my family. So, WWJD? I think he would do what I long to do - stay home and ride a bicycle...sit in the hot tub...lay on my bed and read...go for a long walk...watch a movie with the kids. Yes, I think that's what He would do. So maybe I should start.

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