The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director. Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year. God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started i...
Today we're talking about what TO do in comforting someone, as opposed to what not to do.
DO…
Let it be all about them.
Give them an opportunity to fully express themselves
without interjecting your own story unless they invite it. Every person experiences
loss differently. No loss is unimportant, but they are different for each
person.
Affirm What’s Important to Them
Let them share thoughts, memories,
conversations, photos, etc.
Use Appropriate touch
A hug, an arm around or a pat
on the hand. If they are uncomfortable with that, maybe just sitting nearby.
Respect their boundaries
Sense what they need, read between the
lines. Do they need you close by? Do they need space? Do they need a
compassionate ear? Do they need someone to just be near without talking?
Note: grieving losses is exhausting work and takes a
tremendous amount of energy.
Listen, Listen, Listen!
Give the person opportunity to talk without interruption.
Listening with compassion is the greatest gift you can give.
Express sympathy
Say something as simple as “I know that nothing I can say
can take away the pain of your loss, but I want you to know that I care about
you and I am here for you.”
Welcome tears
They are as natural as breathing. Reassure
them, tears are nothing to be ashamed
of.
Cry with them if you are moved to do so
Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those
who weep.
Romans 12:15
Romans 12:15
The greatest help to my husband and I after our miscarriage happened the day Jeff Ferguson knocked on our apartment door. He was the dean of men and the baseball coach at our college. We had no idea what to expect when he came in. I was sitting on the sofa with my knees drawn up to my face, just staring into space and crying. Larry had been rearranging furniture that didn't need to be rearranged, just trying to "do something."
Jeff came in, sat on the sofa with us, and cried.
He offered up no scripture verses or a sermon or easy answers. Just tears, and "I'm so sorry." It meant the world.
Another friend asked me, "what time of day is hardest for you through all this?" I said, "at about 10 pm." She said, "I'll be praying for you every single night at 10." I can't even describe how much that meant!
Help them get professional help if necessary
Help them get professional help if necessary
They might be at a loss as to where to go. Help them find
a place.
Notice practical things they may need help with
When someone is facing loss, they often don’t have the ability to take care of practical everyday things.Notice things like: food/meals, cleaning, child care, pet care, etc.Maybe just show up and say, “I came over to walk the dog for you. Is that okay?” If they say no, don’t push.
When someone is facing loss, they often don’t have the ability to take care of practical everyday things.Notice things like: food/meals, cleaning, child care, pet care, etc.Maybe just show up and say, “I came over to walk the dog for you. Is that okay?” If they say no, don’t push.
Pray with them and for them!
It’s the most powerful thing you can do.
"Share each other's
burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you as you help them
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you."
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you."
James 1:5
Don’t Waste Your Own Pain
Don’t Waste Your Own Pain
Regarding our own pain, one of my favorite sayings
is, “don’t waste the pain.”
God never wastes anything…we shouldn’t either.”
Take the pain and let it become a platform.
Share it and let those who relate to it, and gather near.
In case you’re unaware of a biblical precedent for this...
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves have received from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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