Deanna Doss Shrodes

Before we left for our recent vacation I was perusing Amazon, purchasing a few books to put on to my Kindle. I came across a book that lots of friends had recommended and my immediate thought was, "that's not for me." For some reason I was convinced that all the advice this author gives couldn't possibly apply to me in my current season.  It's a good thing I had second thoughts and bought the book anyway. Here's something to think about. Whatever it is that you think you don't need in many cases is EXACTLY what you need. Whatever you think couldn't possibly apply to you is EXACTLY what applies to you many times. Whatever you think you don't need to talk about is EXACTLY what you need to talk about. Whatever it is that you are resisting so hard...it's probably long overdue for you to do something about.  

"I'm about to say something..." my assistant Erika said apprehensively, as if to warn me of something I didn't want to hear. What followed was something she thought I needed to hear for my own good. She was right, but I would have been fine with her telling me long before this conversation we had last week. "You could have already told me that! Why didn't you speak up sooner?" I said. She was relieved. After letting her know I was grateful for the input and was going to change things, I became concerned that maybe there was a deeper issue. I thought maybe Erika thought she couldn't tell me the things I need to hear. So I brought it up again later saying, "Did you not think you could tell me that?" She said she did feel that she could tell me things like this without a problem, but she appreciated the conversation. Andy Stanley says that leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say. I be...

A few weeks ago I hosted a few groups of women at our home for dinner and meetings. Upon  sitting down to the table, one of the ladies remarked, "I'm afraid to touch anything. What if something breaks?" I explained that this was no problem, if indeed it happened. She was referring to material things, most of which could be replaced. If it couldn't be replaced it's still not of greater importance than people. Some things I choose to live by: People are more important than things. If you have it, use it. If you don't use it, get rid of it. Start with whatever you have. Don't wait for things to be "perfect" to reach out.  Use whatever you have for the greatest good that you can. Share. Be hospitable. Open your heart and home to others.

Years ago when Larry and I lost our first baby to a miscarriage, I had some of the worst experiences with attempts to comfort gone awry. People said things that compounded the pain, rather than helping. A lady in the church walked up behind me at the altar, put an arm around me to pray and before she did said, “Honey, just count your blessings. The baby was probably retarded…” (No, I am not kidding! She really said that.)  Another lady in the church said, “Well, look on the bright side…you’ll have more kids eventually.” 

Lest anyone think I needed the spirit of "Bah Humbug!" cast out of me, I've waited to say this. Now that it's December 26, here goes. Was anybody else but me totally exhausted this season? Do you wonder why you continue year after year on the treadmill of holiday seasonal stress disorder? A few years ago I read this article, Let's Fast Christmas , by an acquaintance in the ministry, Dr. Carolyn Tennant . I've met and talked with Dr. T several times and highly respect her. When I read this article back in 2008, it resonated with me. In fact, my heart leaped within me to do just as she suggested. I felt as if she had given me a personal altar call. But I feel powerless to respond. At a loss to do anything different than what I've always done. And four years later I'm still there. I'm just being real here. Please hear me out before thinking Scrooge might need to be my new nickname. What would it be like to "fast" Christmas as w...

This marks the sixth month that I've been writing the advice column I was asked to write for the Tampa Bay newspaper, Insight. Things are going super well! So well in fact , that yesterday, their Editor-in-Chief, Alisha Perella, as ked me if I would consider doing an advice column for their sister-paper, Epoch. So now I will have not one, but two advice columns running in Tam pa area newspaper s! So cool, huh? And, on top of that, I've been asked to contribute some fea ture articles aside from the advice columns. It just keeps gettin' better and better. I love writing, if you couldn't tell... Once they publish the paper, I have been posting a copy of my columns here for blog readers who don't live in the Tampa area. If you are interested in reading previous colum ns, click here . This month in Insight, I tack led the th e problems of an unhappy small-business owner. Dear Deanna: I own a small business and to say I’m feeling strained right now is...

This post is for three groups of people: 1) Christian teens who are dating. 2) Parents of Christian teens who are dating. 3) Single Christian adults who are dating. Disclaimer: If you are not a Christian, this post is not for you. If you have no desire to meet and marry a Christian mate, this post is not for you. Don't get your panties all in a bunch about it. This post is exclusively for people who hold strong Christian values and desire a life partner who shares the same. If you fit categories 1, 2 and 3 above, I'm imploring you to watch out for fakers. In this post I'm going to show you five ways to discern them and avoid them. Let's talk about something I know for sure, aside from dating.  I've learned that when someone wants something they can put on a good act in order to get what they want.  I've observed that some individuals do a really good job of it even for several years.  People can't fake it forever, but they can persevere for ...

Everyone wants something. I've noticed the majority of people are clueless about how to get help. And some, when instructed, will insist on continuing to do things their own way which does them no favors. If you want to receive someone's attention, and ultimately their favor -- communicate with them in the manner that they best receive requests. There are no guarantees, but success is much more likely.  A previous boss loved texts. If I wanted their attention and response I could text immediately and they promptly responded.  I hate texts. If someone texts me, I groan. I answer in as few words as possible. And, I normally check my texts once or twice a day...not all day. But if I'm dealing with someone who prefers texts and I need something, I know I need to make a personal adjustment. Because I'm the one asking. I am easy to reach through e-mails, Facebook messages, etc. This would be my number one method of communication where I really flow in helping peo...

This perfectly describes me going through airport security! Isn't this a riot? My favorite part is the socks. So realistic! In honor of my trip this week I thought I'd post some of my best travel tips. I travel quite a bit for speaking, and a few years ago when I took a former assistant on a trip with me she remarked that I do some things in travel every time that she's never seen anyone do. She thought they were pretty smart. I'll let you be the judge.  1) After the airlines started charging for checked bags, I started only taking a carry on and not checking bags if it was a trip of 3 days or less.  In order to take everything necessary, I don't use my normal purse and instead use the largest legal size bag I can find as my "one personal item" that goes underneath my seat. As far as a purse, I bring one that lays flat and doesn't take up much room inside my carry on with nothing in it. When I get to my destination I get the purse out, fill it a...

The life of a writer can be really rollercoasterish (I'm aware that's not a word) and if you let it get to you, it could put you permanently between a case of Prozac and a dozen donuts. Lucky for me Dunkin Donuts is less than a mile away. Remember yesterday when I talked about there always being a next? Well, I know what I'm talking about, from experience. They say a man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. I think that works for a woman too.  I'm sure there's always a next. As sure as Chick-fil-A has the best iced tea... As sure as this presidential election has shaped up to be the lamest ever... I'm confident, absolutely sure , 100% positively certain there is a next. Are you breathing? Then there's something for you to do next.  You're never, ever through. Even when you die, you're not through. No, that wasn't a typo. You aren't through when you're physically dead, because you will live forev...

The main thing I've noticed about a lot of people that prohibits their success is that they don't like to be, or won't be, inconvenienced. Most great things have happened in my life when I've been inconvenienced in some way. Just sayin'.

People are often encouraged to be different. That's a good thing.  God created us to stand out, not blend in. Different is good. Indifferent is bad.   Indifference is actually deadly. I'm preparing a message to preach this weekend at a women's event. I was asked to speak on the theme, "Greater Things." Those aren't possible if a person lives with indifference. If we really want to live in such a way that we make an impact we have to be concerned about something beyond ourselves.    When you only give attention to yourself or your own agenda, you've actually started to decay. One of my favorite authors, Elie Wiesel once said, "because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies." He also said that, " ...the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it'...

I'm honored to feature another guest post from Karen* today, concerning what she would like women to know if they are planning on leaving their abuser.  Be blessed by her wisdom.  I am following yesterday's post with a list of much needed items for our escape.  I've also included people you should contact just prior to your escape.  I did not take everything listed, but wish I had.  May my experience be your best teacher. If you know where you are going, visit your local post office to have all mail forwarded. Visit your bank to close out your account and any accounts of your children. Once you are at your destination, visit your local police and explain your situation. Take money ---cash.  Once you are gone, your joint accounts will be closed.  Also, if you go into hiding, you do not want anything that can be traced. Take your: Medicine and prescriptions , including eyeglass prescriptions Charged cell phone and charger Birth certificates...

"Love wisdom like a sweetheart. Make her a beloved member of your family." Proverbs 7:4 (TLB) Maybe you are facing some difficult situations and decisions today. I understand. You have several ways you can respond. With some of them it's not so much a matter of "is it right?" or "is it wrong?" but "is it wise ?" Last week I was fired up about something. I was justified in being upset and had an action plan to respond. I made my husband aware of my plan. He said he thought it was completely appropriate but asked me to wait two days before implementing it. I wasn't sure why he asked me to wait two days. I didn't ask why he suggested that, but it just seemed like a good idea when he said it. After several days have passed, I have now come to the conclusion that while entirely appropriate, "the plan" I had in mind was not the wisest choice. It would definitely have done more harm than good in the long run. I am feel...

Let me ask you a question...what's your sore spot? Whatever it is, potential exists for it to completely halt your growth and make the next level impossible.  For the sake of illustration let's say we're talking about a guy named Clarence. Clarence had a terrible father growing up, a deadbeat dad. He has tried his best to move beyond it, but it's been a real challenge. As a result he's sensitive to anything concerning fatherhood. He doesn't like hearing about dads, fatherhood, or even references to "God the Father." Clarence is a business man who is sent to many conferences on behalf of his company. Sometimes in seminars and workshops those presenting will give an illustration about being a father. Or maybe a woman will  reference something about her father and experiences she had growing up.  Clarence bristles right away, shifting in his seat and hears little that is said after that. He just wonders why in the world they had to use that illust...

Do you secretly believe that you are better than, or superior to your partner in some way?   Many people believe that if their husband or wife was just more like them or would just do things their way, their relationship issues would be fixed. WRONG.  This is a lie of the enemy.  It's also why in many marriages one person refuses to go to counseling. (They don't think they have any problems -- they think everything is the other person's fault.) Mutual respect starts with coming to terms with the fact that your spouse is a capable person worthy of respect. You have different gifts, but you are both just as valuable.  Competition is a marriage killer. Your spouse may not be as good as you are at organization, or baseball, or cooking, or gardening or whatever. But, guess what? You aren't as good as they are at many things. Which of you is better? The only answer in a successful partnership is neither!  Partnership can never be about whom is better. Partn...

One surefire way to kill your influence in social media and wear out your welcome fast is to become involved in derailing somebody’s comment thread with your own agenda. Networking and hijacking aren’t the same thing. It’s surprising how many people don’t understand that this is a guarantee for tearing down a platform as quickly as you build it. Passion is good, even necessary. I appreciate people's zeal for their personal core values. What is not appreciated is the attempt at a redirection of a comment thread when the comment has little or nothing to do with an original post or is twisted at best. Social media provides ample opportunity for all of us to share what’s important to us on our own platform. Eliciting others’ responses and developing connections largely depends on our ability to communicate and compel. Some people are open to receiving private communication from others although they aren’t always able to answer personally or at length. But hijacking a comment threa...

When you take a risk and share your heart you run just that, a risk. Sometimes when you share your heart you lose everything. Who knows but that such an unsettling event might be the catalyst that moves us to make the mark we are called to make on the world? Yesterday a friend in ministry said to me, "Deanna, you are a voice, not an echo." That put some things in perspective for me.  I'm really excited right now about a few things I've written that are getting ready to be published that for me are revolutionary. One is an article that I was requested to write and it's very edgy. It's pushing the limits for sure. Perhaps even disconcerting, but a message that is desperately needed. I can hardly wait to see it in print but more than that I can hardly wait to see what changes it may bring about in some people's lives. The other is the current book I'm working on. With every day I become more impassioned about the message. Yesterday I shared with ...

I asked myself this question this morning when I saw this on a friend's facebook page. And I immediately shifted gears , put everything else aside and pursued the greatest dream of my heart. How does it feel? Wonderful. This post by Seth really affected me this week too. I acted upon my dreams this morning and moved forward in creating a different outcome. What can you change for a different outcome?