Deanna Doss Shrodes

What a child learns to believe by age thirteen, they will die believing. That's what research by the Barna Research Group shows, about the majority of people. Yesterday I preached a message at our church for Mother's Day about the need for spiritual parenting. If the majority of our kids are making a decision by the age of thirteen, we'd better be about the Father's business. It takes more than just any kind of village or any kind of people to raise children for God. Spiritual  parenting requires Godly moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and Christian adults in general. The need is great. Did you know that sixty-four percent of decisions are made for Christ before the age of eighteen and seventy-seven percent are made before the age of twenty-one?(Source: Barna Research Group) Those statistics should light a fire under us! We must spiritually parenting our own children, and care about reaching as many others as possible. To spiritually parent re...

Last night, a bunch of them came to Celebration Church , and to me. It was awesome. We laughed. We cried. We hugged. We went there. We talked about stuff some people are never brave enough to speak of. We tackled the tough issues. We were strengthened. "Can we do this all the time, PD? Like everyday?" they said. "Ummmm....everyday? Can we gather in person with this group every single day at the church?" I said..."In person...realistically, probably no. But can we get together on a regular basis in person? YES. Absolutely. Yes!!!" (And we can get together every day, on Facebook in between times!) Last night I gave each of the young ladies a stack of small papers and a pen as they came in. We sat in a circle. A bucket was placed in the center. I told them at any time during the evening they could get up and put a question in the bucket that they didn't feel comfortable to ask out loud. A lot of questions were asked out loud, but p...

This question came to me today on my Facebook page from Kimberly Jones and I asked her permission to share it here on the blog and answer it as part of the mentorship series .  It's not the first time I've received this question. I believe it's a common one that many leaders struggle with and my prayer is that this will help others as well. Question: How do I tell someone I cannot mentor them because they disrespect me and undermine me? This person wants me to mentor them, but if I am going to be treated like this, I simply cannot. How do I back off from them and communicate to them in a courteous way the reason for this? ~ Kimberly Answer: Kimberly, let me say first of all that personal mentoring becomes even more of a complicated matter for those of us who serve in vocational church ministry. I am not sure whether the person who has come to you clearly unqual...

If you want to stand out, simply keep your word. Apparently it's not quite that simple. By all indications this is a really hard thing to do since so many people don't do it. Which means if you do keep your word, you are a hot commodity! Over the last 25 years time I've had considerable experience mentoring others. I also am in connection with lots of other leaders who are involved in the same thing. What's surprising to many of us is how rare word-keeping is. Who would have ever thought that people would be amazing simply for showing up?  That's pretty mind boggling to think about...that just being present would be all one would have to do to stand out above the rest. But it's true! If I'm helping someone who happens to be looking for a job and I notice they keep their word, I always find ways to include this on their resume and underscore the importance of communicating this aspect of their character in an interview. Keeping your word is so r...

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." ~ Mark Twain Mentors may need a break from time to time to heal and recharge from situations where mentees have bitten the hand that once fed them. I hate the fact that this is so common. I can't say that I've ever met a mentor who hasn't gone through this. Most, including myself, have gone through it multiple times.  I wrote about one of those situations in this article. A pastor-friend recently shared with me about a mentoring relationship they developed with a young person they had invested in for many years. After many years of training and investing, they helped the mentee plant a church. It became prosperous and much of that was from all their mentor had poured into them. Instead of being grateful, the mentee ultimately became upset with the mentor. He said that with all the blessings of his church launch he...

  Mentees have much more affect on how much is received than their mentor does. In the parable of the sower, the same sower sowed the same seed on the four different types of ground. In other words, it was the same teacher, mentor or preacher, with the same techniques, presenting the same message. The condition of the ground makes the difference in results. It’s interesting to me that in times past I’ve had people leave a church service telling me that they don’t feel the spirit of God, they feel dry, God’s not doing anything and they feel led to seek another church. After the same exact service somebody else will come up to me full of life or bawling their eyes out, moved by the spirit -- telling me that the presence of God was all over the place…they received a Word from God like never before, etc. What’s the difference? Same church, same service, same pastor, same message. Different person!!!  Likewise, what you sow in a mentorship relationship, you will ...

The next step in qualifying for mentorship is to develop a habit of learning something from every conversation. Listen up and listen closely! Hang on every word that your mentor says.  Will they always get things 100% right? No. That’s not what it’s about.  Remember, you are not just learning from your mentor’s successes, but also their failures. Mentorship is the benefit of experience without the pain of mistakes. A good mentor will share their mistakes with you, and how you can avoid them. It really is true that you can learn something new every day!

The first question I want to ask you today is: When a mentor finishes a conversation with you do they feel that you wanted their thoughts, their wisdom or advice? The second question I want to ask you is: Why would God give you a mentor if you are not really eager to learn from them and apply what they have to say? Cultivating a teachable spirit is the first thing you need to do to qualify for mentorship. You do not receive a mentor just because you are in close proximity to someone. Even if they are in authority over you, this is not a definite indication that they are going to take you under their wing for anything other than immediate supervision. You prove that you are qualified as a mentee by respecting their wisdom. I’ve been mentoring people for over 25 years now and over these years it’s been amazing to me how some people will say, “It’s amazing the things I’ve learned from Deanna,” while others will say, “I haven’t really learned anything from her at a...

All this week in a continuation of the mentorship series, I’m going to talk about qualifying for mentorship. Qualifying? Yes, I said qualifying. This is one of those things folks just seem to have a hard time understanding. They think because they are employed somewhere that their boss is required to mentor them.  False. Your boss supervises you but they don’t have to mentor you. Consider it a great perk of your employment if your boss mentors you. People believe that because they are in a church the pastor or pastor’s wife is required to mentor them. False. Please consider it a great honor and privilege if your pastor takes the extra time and care to personally mentor you. Your pastor is entrusted with the leading of the flock the primary role of which is training and equipping however they do have a choice of what and who to focus on within that area.  Mentorship doesn’t happen because you just show up somewhere. You have to qualif...

Lisa Alexander had some amazing insights yesterday in her guest post , and I'm following up on the heels of that with 3 keys to an effective mentoring relationship. 1) Write down what your mentor says. One of my consistent habits is to write things down constantly . This includes everything from random thoughts, ideas, quotes, and definitely things told to me by mentors. Quite honestly when I am the one doing the mentoring and the person records nothing that I say, it's a huge red flag to me about how serious they are. 2)  Work harder than your mentor. As Lisa said yesterday , if the mentor is doing more cheering than you, something's wrong. My boss Kathryn, (my manager at NextJob) often says that a major key to detecting a client's urgency in getting reemployed, and also their seriousness about coaching is if at any time we are doing more work than they are. In this case, something's wrong. Your mentor isn't there to do all the hard work for you.  ...

I can't remember exactly when I met Lisa Alexander . It's been a long time. It feels like we've been in each other's lives forever. I do remember where I met her. We met through Pastoring Partners , the organization I lead for women who serve in ministry. She also serves as one of our writers there and is a huge encouragement to the many women who have been helped through PPN. For a long time ours was an online friendship but it blossomed to real life and I had the tremendous opportunity to go to Houston and speak at the church where she and her husband Elgin served as lead pastors at the time.  There is an amazing amount of talent all embodied in one person when it comes to Lisa. She's a powerful minister, an excellent minister's wife, an amazing mother, a marketing expert and a whole lot more. She mentors in all of these areas and more and immediately came to mind as someone I knew I wanted to have guest post for this series.  I know you'll enjoy her ins...

"I could tell by the way you were shifting your feet that you were checking out. You were exhausted and at that point, she wasn't going to get the best out of you at all..." This was said by my friend Candy who is often with me before and after services, helping me as I'm preparing to minister, or just finishing up. She made this statement after watching a lady in the church try to have a conversation with me at about 1:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday after church. I had just finished preaching, ministering at the altar and greeting first time guests and was totally wiped out. And here came a woman needing "just a few minutes of my time to bend my ear about a major decision in her life."  I stood there listening. Well, trying to listen. I don't hear much on a Sunday after church. When I preach, I leave it all on the stage. My feet are hurting from ministering in heels since 8:00 am. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm thinking about one thi...

Mentoring happens in different many forms. I've been mentored by people who are dead . For a long time. By this I don't infer that they have no personality. They are truly dead as far as moving on from their earthly body to their heavenly home. I am mentored as I devour the works of Oswald Chambers and A.B. Simpson . I learn through reading their timeless truths and applying them to my current situations. I am mentored by people who are still alive that I will probably never meet in person. Individuals like Joyce Meyer who are stellar communicators.  I am mentored by people like Jeff Goins whose blog I read daily. I haven't met Jeff in person but he has taught me more than a lot of people I have met in person. He's also answered every piece of mail I've ever written to him and is a hero to me. He's experiencing a lot of wild success in his life right now and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy or someone more deserving. The most ...

Normally in this space I would introduce the guest poster by sharing how we met. Kimberly takes care of this in her post, so I will dispense with that tidbit of information here and let her tell you. I asked Kimberly if she would share insights about the proper treatment of a mentor. I've been serving as one of her mentors for a while and quickly noticed that she knows how to treat, and keep a mentor. Therefore the reason I not only asked her to share today, but the reason I kept her as a mentee when I got rid of almost everyone else for the last six months. (LOL) I didn't request nor expect her to say any of the amazing things she's said about me here. In fact, I was really uncomfortable with it at first and even thought of not publishing it because I didn't want it to seem self serving.  Ultimately I decided to share this because of the principle of the thing. She speaks valuable truth regarding this issue that applies to all. While I'm humbled by her accolade...

This week's posts are going to be a series about mentorship. I'm not going to do all the posting. Tomorrow we'll have a guest post you don't want to miss. It's from someone I've been mentoring. So tomorrow, we will hear from a mentee's perspective. Right now I mentor less people up-close-and-personal than I ever have. It's a temporary season I'm in, and there's a good reason for it. Back when I started in ministry a little over 25 years ago, people would occasionally approach me and although they didn't always use the word mentorship, that's what it was. I was flattered, and humbled and overwhelmed when they came to me, a very young woman at the time.  I was green and needed a lot of experience, and I took every opportunity I could in an effort to learn. I had a great passion to help people. Through the years I gained more experience and learned a lot of things in the process. I learned that: Many people don't want a ment...

Yesterday someone asked me the same question I've been asked so many times..."how do you do it all?" There are many answers to this question however to begin this post today I'll say two things: 1) I don't do it all. 2) What I do manage to get done consistently begins the same way. I get started. It's not always easy to get started for an abundance of reasons. Many people don't like to get started because starting means you might do something and fail. Other people realize the great amount of work something significant will take and they dread it. It comes down to ~ do you want to do something or not? You can't do it all, but you can do something. So what are you going to do? "All glory comes from daring to begin." ~ Eugene F. Ware

"That's it, I'm done!" was the vague Facebook status that caught my eye a few years ago.  My heart immediately went out and I  messaged the person who posted this and said, "what's up? How can I help?" What followed were long private messages back and forth as I tried to help her. It didn't matter what I suggested, there was an excuse as to why it wouldn't work or wasn't true. If I said, "You're not alone." She would say, "Yes I am." If I said, "People care." She would say, "No, they don't." If I said, "God cares," she'd say, "I don't feel it." If I said, "Well, I care" she'd say, "You don't really count. You're different." If I said, "change is possible," she'd say, "nothing about this can ever change."  You get the picture. I soon discovered, she didn't really want my help, or anyone's help.  She ju...

You know that old saying, "if it's not broke, don't fix it"?  Well, that's dumb.  This is the kind of thinking that never moves anybody forward.  It just keeps people, relationships, systems, businesses, churches, homes and ministries right where they are. We wouldn't have a lot of the amazing things in our world today unless somebody decided to fix what wasn't broken. Only by trying to fix what's not broken do we advance.  But it takes brave people to go there.

If someone is investing into you in any way, guard that as a sacred gift .  They have a choice as to where they invest.  If you aren't faithful to their investment -- if you don't take it seriously and respond with faithfulness to that deposit, they will not keep investing.  Before you know it somebody else will be reaping the blessing you once had. Many people don't realize the value of an investor in their lives until they aren't pouring into them any more.  As one of my mentors, Sis. June Coker, says:  "they won't miss the water til' the well runs dry." Here are five ways to make sure an investor keeps investing, not to mention making sure you don't burn a bridge altogether with an investor: 1)  Show up - on time.  When you're expected to meet with them, be faithful.  When people don't respect my time that's a signal to me that they don't respect my wisdom either. 2)  Take notes.   Not just in meetings but during informa...