Deanna Doss Shrodes

Did you know you can read the right thing at the wrong time? I didn't until recently. The thought never occurred to me to pray about what to read, until this past August. During my time away after my natural mother passed away, I was blessed to spend some time in the home of Kay Zello. Kay is the mother of my dear friend, Bonnie. She's a woman in ministry that I've always looked up to, since the time I was a young girl. I still remember the first time I heard her preach when she came to my home church in Baltimore. I was about twelve years old. I never forgot Kay or her message. I would hear her preach again and again at various events, and her life impacted mine. I never imagined that one day, in what was one of my greatest times of need, I would be waking up in Kay's house. We would sit on her porch in pajamas, eating breakfast and sharing our thoughts.  One morning as she went to refill her coffee, I picked up the book that was beside her bible where she h...

This question came to me today on my Facebook page from Kimberly Jones and I asked her permission to share it here on the blog and answer it as part of the mentorship series .  It's not the first time I've received this question. I believe it's a common one that many leaders struggle with and my prayer is that this will help others as well. Question: How do I tell someone I cannot mentor them because they disrespect me and undermine me? This person wants me to mentor them, but if I am going to be treated like this, I simply cannot. How do I back off from them and communicate to them in a courteous way the reason for this? ~ Kimberly Answer: Kimberly, let me say first of all that personal mentoring becomes even more of a complicated matter for those of us who serve in vocational church ministry. I am not sure whether the person who has come to you clearly unqual...

If you want to stand out, simply keep your word. Apparently it's not quite that simple. By all indications this is a really hard thing to do since so many people don't do it. Which means if you do keep your word, you are a hot commodity! Over the last 25 years time I've had considerable experience mentoring others. I also am in connection with lots of other leaders who are involved in the same thing. What's surprising to many of us is how rare word-keeping is. Who would have ever thought that people would be amazing simply for showing up?  That's pretty mind boggling to think about...that just being present would be all one would have to do to stand out above the rest. But it's true! If I'm helping someone who happens to be looking for a job and I notice they keep their word, I always find ways to include this on their resume and underscore the importance of communicating this aspect of their character in an interview. Keeping your word is so r...

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." ~ Mark Twain Mentors may need a break from time to time to heal and recharge from situations where mentees have bitten the hand that once fed them. I hate the fact that this is so common. I can't say that I've ever met a mentor who hasn't gone through this. Most, including myself, have gone through it multiple times.  I wrote about one of those situations in this article. A pastor-friend recently shared with me about a mentoring relationship they developed with a young person they had invested in for many years. After many years of training and investing, they helped the mentee plant a church. It became prosperous and much of that was from all their mentor had poured into them. Instead of being grateful, the mentee ultimately became upset with the mentor. He said that with all the blessings of his church launch he...

If you are too full, there’s no room for you to learn anything more.  To qualify for mentorship you have to recognize your need for input. A person who comes with an attitude that they already know as much as the mentor can’t be taught.  Proverbs 27:7 says, “The full soul loatheth a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.”  I know that my relationship with a mentee is going nowhere fast when every other word out of their mouth is, “I know,” “yes, I’m aware of that,” and “yes, I already know that.” Some people won't shut up about their qualifications enough to learn from anybody else. The hungry soul, the one with the teachable spirit, will be filled.     

  Mentees have much more affect on how much is received than their mentor does. In the parable of the sower, the same sower sowed the same seed on the four different types of ground. In other words, it was the same teacher, mentor or preacher, with the same techniques, presenting the same message. The condition of the ground makes the difference in results. It’s interesting to me that in times past I’ve had people leave a church service telling me that they don’t feel the spirit of God, they feel dry, God’s not doing anything and they feel led to seek another church. After the same exact service somebody else will come up to me full of life or bawling their eyes out, moved by the spirit -- telling me that the presence of God was all over the place…they received a Word from God like never before, etc. What’s the difference? Same church, same service, same pastor, same message. Different person!!!  Likewise, what you sow in a mentorship relationship, you will ...

The next step in qualifying for mentorship is to develop a habit of learning something from every conversation. Listen up and listen closely! Hang on every word that your mentor says.  Will they always get things 100% right? No. That’s not what it’s about.  Remember, you are not just learning from your mentor’s successes, but also their failures. Mentorship is the benefit of experience without the pain of mistakes. A good mentor will share their mistakes with you, and how you can avoid them. It really is true that you can learn something new every day!

The first question I want to ask you today is: When a mentor finishes a conversation with you do they feel that you wanted their thoughts, their wisdom or advice? The second question I want to ask you is: Why would God give you a mentor if you are not really eager to learn from them and apply what they have to say? Cultivating a teachable spirit is the first thing you need to do to qualify for mentorship. You do not receive a mentor just because you are in close proximity to someone. Even if they are in authority over you, this is not a definite indication that they are going to take you under their wing for anything other than immediate supervision. You prove that you are qualified as a mentee by respecting their wisdom. I’ve been mentoring people for over 25 years now and over these years it’s been amazing to me how some people will say, “It’s amazing the things I’ve learned from Deanna,” while others will say, “I haven’t really learned anything from her at a...

I can't remember exactly when I met Lisa Alexander . It's been a long time. It feels like we've been in each other's lives forever. I do remember where I met her. We met through Pastoring Partners , the organization I lead for women who serve in ministry. She also serves as one of our writers there and is a huge encouragement to the many women who have been helped through PPN. For a long time ours was an online friendship but it blossomed to real life and I had the tremendous opportunity to go to Houston and speak at the church where she and her husband Elgin served as lead pastors at the time.  There is an amazing amount of talent all embodied in one person when it comes to Lisa. She's a powerful minister, an excellent minister's wife, an amazing mother, a marketing expert and a whole lot more. She mentors in all of these areas and more and immediately came to mind as someone I knew I wanted to have guest post for this series.  I know you'll enjoy her ins...

"I could tell by the way you were shifting your feet that you were checking out. You were exhausted and at that point, she wasn't going to get the best out of you at all..." This was said by my friend Candy who is often with me before and after services, helping me as I'm preparing to minister, or just finishing up. She made this statement after watching a lady in the church try to have a conversation with me at about 1:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday after church. I had just finished preaching, ministering at the altar and greeting first time guests and was totally wiped out. And here came a woman needing "just a few minutes of my time to bend my ear about a major decision in her life."  I stood there listening. Well, trying to listen. I don't hear much on a Sunday after church. When I preach, I leave it all on the stage. My feet are hurting from ministering in heels since 8:00 am. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm thinking about one thi...

Mentoring happens in different many forms. I've been mentored by people who are dead . For a long time. By this I don't infer that they have no personality. They are truly dead as far as moving on from their earthly body to their heavenly home. I am mentored as I devour the works of Oswald Chambers and A.B. Simpson . I learn through reading their timeless truths and applying them to my current situations. I am mentored by people who are still alive that I will probably never meet in person. Individuals like Joyce Meyer who are stellar communicators.  I am mentored by people like Jeff Goins whose blog I read daily. I haven't met Jeff in person but he has taught me more than a lot of people I have met in person. He's also answered every piece of mail I've ever written to him and is a hero to me. He's experiencing a lot of wild success in his life right now and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy or someone more deserving. The most ...

Normally in this space I would introduce the guest poster by sharing how we met. Kimberly takes care of this in her post, so I will dispense with that tidbit of information here and let her tell you. I asked Kimberly if she would share insights about the proper treatment of a mentor. I've been serving as one of her mentors for a while and quickly noticed that she knows how to treat, and keep a mentor. Therefore the reason I not only asked her to share today, but the reason I kept her as a mentee when I got rid of almost everyone else for the last six months. (LOL) I didn't request nor expect her to say any of the amazing things she's said about me here. In fact, I was really uncomfortable with it at first and even thought of not publishing it because I didn't want it to seem self serving.  Ultimately I decided to share this because of the principle of the thing. She speaks valuable truth regarding this issue that applies to all. While I'm humbled by her accolade...