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Showing posts with the label Comforting Others

What To Do First to Make a Profit

The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat  ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're  not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director.  Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year.  God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started i...

Everybody is Losing Something

Me with our dog, Maddie. We lost her last year. Pick a person. Any person. Have their name in mind? Now, consider what they recently lost. It could be a job, a family member, a pet or a home. They may have experienced a miscarriage.  Perhaps they are staring the empty nest in the face.  Their beloved co-worker may have retired or transferred. The office will never be the same. It could be something as simple as their daily routine being lost. There is the loss of the familiar and comforting rhythm of the day. Perhaps the worst losses are sudden ones. Everybody is facing a loss of some kind. And it's hard. Life is filled with loss after loss. I know there are gains. And yet there are still losses. You say..."Well, don't focus on the losses...be positive." We need to be positive and at the same time losses still have to be processed. If we don't handle them right we can actually get sick in more ways than one. Be kind. Everybody out there is losi...

How to Comfort Others (Part 3)

If you missed parts one and two of this series, check 'em out here and here .  Today we're talking about what TO do in comforting someone, as opposed to what not to do.  DO… Let it be all about them. Give them an opportunity to fully express themselves without interjecting your own story unless they invite it. Every person experiences loss differently. No loss is unimportant, but they are different for each person. Affirm What’s Important to Them Let them share thoughts, memories, conversations, photos, etc.  Use Appropriate touch  A hug, an arm around or a pat on the hand. If they are uncomfortable with that, maybe just sitting nearby. Respect their boundaries Sense what they need, read between the lines. Do they need you close by? Do they need space? Do they need a compassionate ear? Do they need someone to just be near without talking?   Note: grieving losses is exhausting work and takes a tremendous amount of...

How to Comfort Others (Part 2)

Did you miss part one of this blog series? Check it out here.  Today we're talking about things NOT to do if you want to comfort someone who is hurting.  DON'T... Let the fear of saying the wrong thing lead to you saying nothing.   Push past your own anxiety, and reach out. Learn what to say.  Share clichés or pat answers like, “it all works out for the best” or “just turn it over to the Lord…” Mimimize the loss, compare the loss, or share why YOU feel they were or are blessed by the loss. For instance, when my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage, it was a horribly painful time. It was then that I learned just how much people lack wisdom on how to comfort people. As I was standing at the altar crying after the miscarriage, an older woman approached me and put an arm around me and said, "Pastor Deanna, I feel the Lord wants me to tell you it was for the best that you had the miscarriage. With the unhealthy direction you...

How to Comfort Others (Part 1)

Last night I brought a message at Celebration about how to comfort others and I decided I'm going to to condense it and share it in parts here on my blog.  One of my favorite sayings is, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."   It's easy to miss the pain of others. We have to train ourselves to take time to notice. It’s one thing to not notice it, to be unaware. It’s quite another to be aware and dismiss it, or attempt to invalidate it. Dismissing a person's pain is one of the worst things we can do. When we dismiss or try to invalidate other’s pain - it wounds them all over again. Do you want to help or hurt people? There’s only one choice. (If you don't care or don't respond to it - you have made a choice.) We can hurt people all over again or we can be part of their healing process. Many of us say nothing because we fear saying the wrong thing when someone is in pain. We need to push past our...