Deanna Doss Shrodes

Maybe you're not a professional licensed counselor, a pastor, or someone in an "official position".  Many women choose someone to share with first who is not one of these people.  My friend Melissa Kelly has been in both situations. She's served as the person in the official position of leadership, and also served on the other side of things, just being approached as a friend. I call Melissa a "go to" person. A lot of people trust her with challenging situations and she has unique experience to speak to this. No matter what place you find yourself in today, here's some great advice from her about helping those who are in pain. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog also publishes.     ***     There have been so many times that I have sat at the end of a phone call, Facebook chat/message or next to someone on a pew or couc...

I met Leanne Weber years ago through Pastoring Partners Network . She now serves as one of our amazing PPN writers. Back when I first met her she was pastoring and in the midst of an abusive church situation. I as well as several of our other leaders at PPN walked through that painful journey with her and observed her as she went from hurting to whole. She's got an amazing story to share and the following is just part of it. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.             I am a certifiable mess right now. I cannot get any work done, because I don't even want to be here. I am just...tired. I am tired of dealing with church people. If I was truly called, then I'd be able to handle this. I am sick of the only thing keeping me here being the fact that we have bills to pay, and we are finally in a...

Elise Damaris is another lady I met on my speaking travels and I was immediately impacted by her. She shared some truth that set me free forever. But that's another blog post. :)  Elise is a licensed professional Christian counselor who specializes in inner healing and has helped countless victims of abuse. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.  *** Being in a physically abusive situation at the age of 19, I was quick to find a way out once I was pregnant and my unborn child was in danger. Others aren't so quick to recognize the danger for themselves or their children. As a licensed professional counselor, I worked with a woman who came in with broken ribs, broken fingers and a multitude of bruises, yet she refused to leave . Her son had become a teenager and was now treating her in the same abusive way as her husband. Wh...

Today we are featuring a follow up to yesterday's post by Terri von Wood. If you didn't read Terri's post yesterday, What Verbal Abuse is Really Like and Why We Must Care , I'd highly recommend you go back and read it. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** Verbal Abuse is insidious.  There is no outward evidence, no bumps, bruises, bleeding or blackened eyes.  There is, however, significant harm being done to your self-image, self-esteem and wounds to your soul that never heal unless specifically addressed. How do I know this? What makes me an expert?  Many of you will not know this about me but I grew up in a home filled with inconsistency, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.  Imagine you are 9 years old and your mother and boyfriend are fighting again.  You go to the kitchen to get a butch...

In my speaking travels, I meet the most amazing people. Some are connections that go beyond just a night or a weekend of preac hing. One day on my journey, I met Terri von Wood, and we immediately clicked and have been friends ever since.  Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** People who have never suffered through or witnessed abuse (including pastors) often don't know how to help women in abusive situations. Knowledge is power and it is my belief that if the church understood the prevalence of abuse, help would be made available.  First, we must acknowledge that the divorce rate is the same  in the church as in the world.  Second, we must understand that the 50% divorce rate does not include all the women who are abused but stay because they do not know what else to do or do not have anyone to tur...

What should a pastor do when a woman comes to them and confides that they are being abused? HELP THEM. It's a shame that this even has to be said. It's deplorable. But, it's necessary. So many abused women have been told by pastors to submit to their abuser. Leaders will have to answer for this not only absurd but also possibly deadly counsel. I am so grateful that Karen* has pastors who believe her.  That's what people need when they are abused -- support from those who have been placed in their lives to protect them. Shall a shepherd neglect an abused sheep? It's unconscionable to me that we would even have to spell this out. Sometimes pastors say they don't want to get involved. Doing so can be messy. They say it's a family matter , not really a church one, and they would rather not interfere. Or because the woman being abused has faults (hello! who doesn't?!) they think maybe the abuse isn't such a terrible thing, or that ...

I'm honored to feature another guest post from Karen* today, concerning what she would like women to know if they are planning on leaving their abuser.  Be blessed by her wisdom.  I am following yesterday's post with a list of much needed items for our escape.  I've also included people you should contact just prior to your escape.  I did not take everything listed, but wish I had.  May my experience be your best teacher. If you know where you are going, visit your local post office to have all mail forwarded. Visit your bank to close out your account and any accounts of your children. Once you are at your destination, visit your local police and explain your situation. Take money ---cash.  Once you are gone, your joint accounts will be closed.  Also, if you go into hiding, you do not want anything that can be traced. Take your: Medicine and prescriptions , including eyeglass prescriptions Charged cell phone and charger Birth certificates...

Today I have a guest post that is different from any that has ever been published here. It is unique for many reasons, first of all because I cannot reveal the actual name of the person writing.  Right now the writer of this post lives in hiding.  It is still a danger for her to speak openly but she graciously agreed to write today's post under another name with identifying details left out, to kick off  a blog series I'm very excited about. The writer of this post and I became acquainted over five years ago when she became one of my  blog readers. Since that time I've come to know Karen* on a deeper personal level. Some of you who have been readers here for a while will remember me sharing about my friend Deborah who was a pastor's wife. Deborah was murdered in 2010 at the hands of her husband. I shared about that situation here and opened my heart with more personal thoughts and a plea here .  I had no idea that some of my readers would be so profoundly af...