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Showing posts with the label Helping People

What To Do First to Make a Profit

The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat  ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're  not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director.  Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year.  God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started i...
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9 Things to NOT Say to a Hurting Person

Years ago when Larry and I lost our first baby to a miscarriage, I had some of the worst experiences with attempts to comfort gone awry. People said things that compounded the pain, rather than helping. A lady in the church walked up behind me at the altar, put an arm around me to pray and before she did said, “Honey, just count your blessings. The baby was probably retarded…” (No, I am not kidding! She really said that.)  Another lady in the church said, “Well, look on the bright side…you’ll have more kids eventually.” 
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You Think You Know...But You Don't!
(Why "Should" Needs a Funeral, and Quickly!)

One of my friends takes care of her young adult son 24/7, who is paralyzed from a car accident. Another friend has struggled with infertility for fifteen years. Yet another friend is beaten so bad by her husband at least once a month that sometimes she has to wait two weeks before going back to church so that all the bruises will disappear and no one will suspect. "Why doesn't she just leave?" you say.
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Did God Plan My Pain?

Some people have a hard time understanding God's love for them because they think He planned what hurts them so much. I'm passionate about sharing that God is a good God. Until people understand that, they won't ever see Him clearly and be able to freely receive His love. Something that makes this difficult are people who tell others that God planned the process that caused their pain.
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What Would Happen If You Took Your Own Advice?

Meeting on Sunday night with the young ladies who are part of the group I'm mentoring at Celebration , I noticed they had some fantastic advice for one another. I was impressed! (I learn just as much from the girls as they do from me!) I followed up with a question: What would be possible in your life if you took your own advice? I find it always helps me to step back from my own situation and imagine I was advising a stranger with my same issue. Rarely do I lack a sense of the wise thing to do. But I don't always make that choice, at least immediately. A few reasons why... I know it's going to require hard change. I know if another party is involved, it may make them unhappy and I want to avoid drama.  The pain of staying the same is not greater than the pain of changing...yet.
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The Importance of Finding Friends Who Can Handle Your Story

Everyone has a story. Our stories should never be dismissed, but unfortunately everyone we share our story with can't "carry" it. Not everyone can handle hearing someone's story, much less helping them do something in response. Sometimes it's because they can't wrap their brain around it, and other times, they simply don't want to try to understand. All of our stories deserve to be heard, validated and a caring response given to respond in whatever way appropriate to bring hope and healing. Sometimes we share our story with those who dismiss, or possibly even try to refute. That hurts much worse and results in giving us yet more to the story that we must carry and hope we'll find someone to help us bear the load. One thing I want to encourage anyone reading this to do, is...keep going. If you shared your story and someone dismissed it, questioned it, or attempted to invalidate it, DON'T GIVE UP.  Keep going until you find someone who WILL li...
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We Are All Lessons

Each and every one of us is somebody's lesson. This week I've had a H-U-G-E  life lesson in exactly who and what I don't want to be. Sometimes these life lessons are harder than others, in fact they can be excruciating. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. One of my friends said if that's true, she should be bench pressing a Buick by now! Ha ha. My prayer today and always is, "Lord, make me a person people learn the right things from, or at least the majority of right things. I fail. I am not perfect, just as no one is perfect but You. At the same time, please help me lead people by honest example in the right thing to do, not what not to do. Amen." 
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What's It Like to Be You?

Ask someone that today. Then listen to what they say. It may just be the most powerful thing that ever happens in the life of that person.
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How to Comfort Others (Part 3)

If you missed parts one and two of this series, check 'em out here and here .  Today we're talking about what TO do in comforting someone, as opposed to what not to do.  DO… Let it be all about them. Give them an opportunity to fully express themselves without interjecting your own story unless they invite it. Every person experiences loss differently. No loss is unimportant, but they are different for each person. Affirm What’s Important to Them Let them share thoughts, memories, conversations, photos, etc.  Use Appropriate touch  A hug, an arm around or a pat on the hand. If they are uncomfortable with that, maybe just sitting nearby. Respect their boundaries Sense what they need, read between the lines. Do they need you close by? Do they need space? Do they need a compassionate ear? Do they need someone to just be near without talking?   Note: grieving losses is exhausting work and takes a tremendous amount of...
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How to Comfort Others (Part 2)

Did you miss part one of this blog series? Check it out here.  Today we're talking about things NOT to do if you want to comfort someone who is hurting.  DON'T... Let the fear of saying the wrong thing lead to you saying nothing.   Push past your own anxiety, and reach out. Learn what to say.  Share clichés or pat answers like, “it all works out for the best” or “just turn it over to the Lord…” Mimimize the loss, compare the loss, or share why YOU feel they were or are blessed by the loss. For instance, when my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage, it was a horribly painful time. It was then that I learned just how much people lack wisdom on how to comfort people. As I was standing at the altar crying after the miscarriage, an older woman approached me and put an arm around me and said, "Pastor Deanna, I feel the Lord wants me to tell you it was for the best that you had the miscarriage. With the unhealthy direction you...
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How to Comfort Others (Part 1)

Last night I brought a message at Celebration about how to comfort others and I decided I'm going to to condense it and share it in parts here on my blog.  One of my favorite sayings is, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."   It's easy to miss the pain of others. We have to train ourselves to take time to notice. It’s one thing to not notice it, to be unaware. It’s quite another to be aware and dismiss it, or attempt to invalidate it. Dismissing a person's pain is one of the worst things we can do. When we dismiss or try to invalidate other’s pain - it wounds them all over again. Do you want to help or hurt people? There’s only one choice. (If you don't care or don't respond to it - you have made a choice.) We can hurt people all over again or we can be part of their healing process. Many of us say nothing because we fear saying the wrong thing when someone is in pain. We need to push past our...
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