Deanna Doss Shrodes

I was recently in a regional leaders meeting where we discussed the fact that today's people want events, seminars, workshops, mentorship and coaching. More than anything they seem to crave a leader's personal investment of time and interest. However, it was also noted that when any of that hits home and puts the finger of truth on areas of their life that need change, they back off.  Scores of leaders affirm that people want them to pour into their lives but only to the degree that it doesn't mess with their desires, habits, goals and plans.   I've noticed two things about people who grow.   1) They recognize/honor the gift of God. " So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up…" Ephesians 4:11,12 Christ Himself gave these people to us to speak into our lives. Christ is not confused about what He sent. ...

This question came to me today on my Facebook page from Kimberly Jones and I asked her permission to share it here on the blog and answer it as part of the mentorship series .  It's not the first time I've received this question. I believe it's a common one that many leaders struggle with and my prayer is that this will help others as well. Question: How do I tell someone I cannot mentor them because they disrespect me and undermine me? This person wants me to mentor them, but if I am going to be treated like this, I simply cannot. How do I back off from them and communicate to them in a courteous way the reason for this? ~ Kimberly Answer: Kimberly, let me say first of all that personal mentoring becomes even more of a complicated matter for those of us who serve in vocational church ministry. I am not sure whether the person who has come to you clearly unqual...

If you want to stand out, simply keep your word. Apparently it's not quite that simple. By all indications this is a really hard thing to do since so many people don't do it. Which means if you do keep your word, you are a hot commodity! Over the last 25 years time I've had considerable experience mentoring others. I also am in connection with lots of other leaders who are involved in the same thing. What's surprising to many of us is how rare word-keeping is. Who would have ever thought that people would be amazing simply for showing up?  That's pretty mind boggling to think about...that just being present would be all one would have to do to stand out above the rest. But it's true! If I'm helping someone who happens to be looking for a job and I notice they keep their word, I always find ways to include this on their resume and underscore the importance of communicating this aspect of their character in an interview. Keeping your word is so r...

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." ~ Mark Twain Mentors may need a break from time to time to heal and recharge from situations where mentees have bitten the hand that once fed them. I hate the fact that this is so common. I can't say that I've ever met a mentor who hasn't gone through this. Most, including myself, have gone through it multiple times.  I wrote about one of those situations in this article. A pastor-friend recently shared with me about a mentoring relationship they developed with a young person they had invested in for many years. After many years of training and investing, they helped the mentee plant a church. It became prosperous and much of that was from all their mentor had poured into them. Instead of being grateful, the mentee ultimately became upset with the mentor. He said that with all the blessings of his church launch he...

If you are too full, there’s no room for you to learn anything more.  To qualify for mentorship you have to recognize your need for input. A person who comes with an attitude that they already know as much as the mentor can’t be taught.  Proverbs 27:7 says, “The full soul loatheth a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.”  I know that my relationship with a mentee is going nowhere fast when every other word out of their mouth is, “I know,” “yes, I’m aware of that,” and “yes, I already know that.” Some people won't shut up about their qualifications enough to learn from anybody else. The hungry soul, the one with the teachable spirit, will be filled.     

All this week in a continuation of the mentorship series, I’m going to talk about qualifying for mentorship. Qualifying? Yes, I said qualifying. This is one of those things folks just seem to have a hard time understanding. They think because they are employed somewhere that their boss is required to mentor them.  False. Your boss supervises you but they don’t have to mentor you. Consider it a great perk of your employment if your boss mentors you. People believe that because they are in a church the pastor or pastor’s wife is required to mentor them. False. Please consider it a great honor and privilege if your pastor takes the extra time and care to personally mentor you. Your pastor is entrusted with the leading of the flock the primary role of which is training and equipping however they do have a choice of what and who to focus on within that area.  Mentorship doesn’t happen because you just show up somewhere. You have to qualif...

Lisa Alexander had some amazing insights yesterday in her guest post , and I'm following up on the heels of that with 3 keys to an effective mentoring relationship. 1) Write down what your mentor says. One of my consistent habits is to write things down constantly . This includes everything from random thoughts, ideas, quotes, and definitely things told to me by mentors. Quite honestly when I am the one doing the mentoring and the person records nothing that I say, it's a huge red flag to me about how serious they are. 2)  Work harder than your mentor. As Lisa said yesterday , if the mentor is doing more cheering than you, something's wrong. My boss Kathryn, (my manager at NextJob) often says that a major key to detecting a client's urgency in getting reemployed, and also their seriousness about coaching is if at any time we are doing more work than they are. In this case, something's wrong. Your mentor isn't there to do all the hard work for you.  ...